


New Master

by Chewie4370



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: BDSM, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-28
Updated: 2012-11-26
Packaged: 2017-11-08 18:03:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 90,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/445960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chewie4370/pseuds/Chewie4370
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One needs rescuing. One has been living in a past he though was long forgotten. They both haves the power to change both of their lives.<br/>EdwardxSeth; Slash pairing. BDSM. Not your thing, then please don’t read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Disclaimer

NEW MASTER

 

Disclaimer: 

All characters, while revised are the property of Stephenie Meyer, author of The Twilight Saga, or their perspective owners. No infringement is intended. This story is about BDSM. If you are not 18 years old or older please go elsewhere. There will be some scenes in this story that will be dark and hard to read. If you are interested in BDSM please do proper research before partaking. If preformed without proper education it can be dangerous. 

THIS STORY IS NOT A MANUAL TO THE LIFE OF BDSM.


	2. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Catalyst for Change

Prologue

That bastard was going to pay for what he’s done. Who the hell did he think he was? Master or no- that was not how you treat the one who submitted themselves to you. I would have loved to see him try this shit on someone who knew better. He intentionally chose those who were already to low to know the difference, to know that a master’s job was take care of his submissive. Being beaten beyond pleasurable pain is not the life. This is not S&M. This is abuse. This is rape. This is a crime. 

His crying pulls me out of my internal rant. I sat on the side of my bed rubbing aloe vera gel and my own coca butter and moisturizing mixture on the sensitive skin of his back, ass, and torso.   
You never use a flogger on the torso and chest as chastisement. Was he trying to cause internal bleeding and organ damage? Did he want to kill the already fragile, broken man beneath me? 

The aloe speeds up the healing process and the cocoa butter helps with scaring, but really, there was no use. His wounds were so deep there were going to be scars. Perfect reminders of the hell he’s endured. I wanted to beg him to go to the hospital but I knew he would refuse; too embarrassed.

“No! You’re a doctor, please treat me here. I feel better when I’m with you,” he says every time I try. 

And I did. I rubbed my health balm all over his body. I let the cream heal him physically and hope my loving hands and soft touches healed his mind and soul; teach him how true devotion should feel. I was silently telling him, “I love you and I would never hurt you this way.”

He had been there with me for an entire hour and his tears were not slowing down. His body was pushed far beyond it’s limits and it was evident as with every flinch away from my touch. I knew that his skin hurt like hell, but my heart couldn’t help but think that subconsciously he was afraid of anyone touching him. He ruined him and for that he must pay.

I finished rubbing the mixture on his skin and I just sat there, not knowing what to say. The silence was saddening. 

“Do you have to go to work?” He asked me, his eyes facing away from me as he lies on this sore stomach. 

“No. I’m off tonight,” I said to him barely audible even to myself. Again silence. I saw him shiver and I know it was the cooling effect of the aloe vera gel. I stand to retrieve his favorite fleece blanket I kept across my couch. No matter what was going on, or how hot it was, he wrapped himself in my old alma mater blanket. He claimed it as his own. Even when we argued over him, he swaddled himself in the soft material. I knew how secure it made him and refused to take that away. As I stood to walk out, he addressed me again.

“Edward, will you lay with me? Hold me?” He said through sniffles and cracking voice.

“Of course, Seth.” My voice sounded relieved yet irritated that he even felt he had to ask.

Countless times over the last seven months I’ve told him I would stay at this side, but then again, I tried to remember he was brainwashed to ask permission to breathe, let alone for affection. This time was even worst than before. He went beyond scaring his body. He went to far this time, doing the unthinkable. Oh yeah, that fucker was going to pay for what he had done. 

I quickly ran to the living room and grabbed the blanket. As I approached the broken man before me I held back my tears. I had to remain strong for him. I gently wrapped his favorite piece of cloth around his near naked body and slid on my queen size bed on his right side. 

Seth rolled onto his right side, noticeably flinching when he had to use the muscle in his arms and chest. When used properly a flogger could entice a being to an overwhelming orgasm, but when used as a tool of abuse, it was a bitch. The point was to be pushed, painfully pleasured, and then healed by adoring hands. Lacking in part left you sore and raw in all possible ways. 

I lightly pressed against his back with my chest and draped my arm lightly over his waist, slowly increasing the weight. I loved spooning with him, more than I should have. 

“Edward, I wish you were my master. You take care of me so well.” His voice was heavy with exhaustion. Sore, beating, pulsating, and burning flesh wounds tend to weaken you. 

“Sleep now, gorgeous,” I respond. 

Me? A Master? Definitely not. Despite, or because of (depending on where you stood), my position as head ER physician, I preferred the submissive role. I was a born masochist and was in a near-perfect Dom/Sub relationship. It was only physical with no hopes of ever being anything more than a means to a release, but it got one of the jobs done. No, I could never be his master but maybe I did need to be his savior. I loved taking care of him, I lived for it. 

I thought over what I could do to save the beautiful creature along side me. As I contemplated my plans of revenge, I begin to place feather light kissed on his upper back below his neck, the only place not riddled with new and old scares. 

I loved him and I knew I shouldn’t. Maybe it was all the care. Maybe because he was so sexy, even when his tan skin showed the slightest redness from crying. What ever it was, I couldn’t live with out him. 

I didn’t even know if he loved me. I mean really loved me. He told me I made him feel safe. He told me that no one ever really cared for him the way that I did. But I wasn’t sure if it was real love. I didn’t know if he loved me unconditionally. If he didn’t love me as strongly as I loved him, he could leave on the first thing smoking, shinning, and new. 

But to be fair, I didn’t know if I loved him unequivocally either. We’ve only been in public together once and that resulted in an even more severe session with his Master. We’ve only argued about one thing: him. But was our connection built on anything other than a skewed perception of care? 

I couldn’t bring myself to ask him how he felt. I just laid there being his healer and listening to his breaths grow more and more deep, confirming he was finally resting. 

I had to get past my fear. I wanted him to know how I really felt about him and needed to know how he felt about me. Soon it would be different between us. I couldn’t continue as we were, pretending he didn’t mean something more to me than just a close friend. I wanted to continue to be his healer, his savior, but I also wanted to be so much more. To be more I had to do more, beginning with getting Seth away from him. 

I could no longer sit back and watch him destroy the man I loved. I would be whatever Seth needed me to be. I would hide him away. I would make him safe. I would be his Master if that was what it took to finally free him of this burden. 

Seth was my priority.


	3. Old Habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We need to learn to listen to the voice in our head.

Old Habits

(Seth POV)

I’ve been like this for hours. My mind can’t figure out what I am being punished for. I haven’t cum without permission in weeks. I’ve been on time for every session. So why am I being punished to no ends? My Master has only said three words to me since I arrived: “Get in position.” 

I immediately stripped, leaving my clothes at the door of “The Room” and kneeled before him. He snatched me by my hair dragging me to the reverse “Y” bar, tightly securing my wrist and ankles.

“You better not cum!” He yelled just before he commences to suck me off.

His mouth was so warm and I hadn’t had ANY release in months. No matter how good I had been, my master had not rewarded me. Yet I held firm, going into my deepest submissive state. I had to hope that if I pleased him he would grant my satisfaction this time.

After what seemed like eternity, Master Felix stopped his assault only to walk out of the room, leaving me to suffer through blue balls. That had been hours ago, I could only gauge time by the irritation of my wrist. I’ve been bound enough to know that first came the irritation, followed by the pain. Pain was then followed by a severe numbness that in itself carries its own mild irritation. Finally came the jellied feeling. Your wrist fells like as if it could melt its way out of the hand straps. So I’m guessing at least two hours I’ve been held this way. In two hours you go from human to Jelly Fish. I closed my eyes trying to fight back the desire to cry, call out to my master, or cum. I didn’t hear him enter the room.

“Seth, you always were my best and brightest,” my Master said standing in front of me.

“Permission to speak, Master?” I said through closed eyes and clenched teeth. I was afraid if I opened my mouth too wide I would surly scream.

“Now Seth, I complement you and you forget the rules the next moment. You know there is no talking while on the racks.”

“Please Master,” I begged.

“Fine,” he says walking to the rear of the instrument that held me. With the click of a single button the entire bar released all my restraints, sending me crashing to the floor.

My numb arms did not respond to my brain waves to prepare for impact with the padded floor, causing me to land face first. I managed to role to my back. My wrist and shoulders hurt like hell but I was more worried with removing the pressure from my standing length. I worked hard not to brush across the floor, causing much needed friction, afraid my un-permitted cum would anger him again and I would find myself back on the racks. 

“Speak,” Master said, sounding quite agitated.

“Why am I being punished, Master?”

“Honestly, because I fucking felt like it,” he said with no humor in his voice. “I’m moving to St. Louis, Seth. This will be your last session.” And as if he had simply told me it was raining outside, he began to walk away.

I was speechless. I’d been down this road before. It surprised and hurt every time. I had been with Felix for over two years. I had learned so much and he always pushed me. He was often times cruel when it wasn’t warranted, but when I was rewarded it was spectacular. I was certain I loved him and I couldn’t just let him leave.

“But Master,” I called to him before he stepped out of the room, “you can’t leave me. I am nothing with out you. I love you.” 

The feeling and sensation was slowly coming back into my arm, just in enough time to feel him grab me and forcibly push me into the wall. This was not uncommon for him. I had just as many marks from his hand tightly wound on my wrist, or door handles pressed into my back, as I did of canes, floggers, and whips. Despite being tossed around I kept my eyes chained to the floor.

“Don’t you ever fucking say that again. This isn’t about love.” He released my arm but did not back away from the awkward corner he had me coward in. My back was screaming at its new injury. “I would never have you. I would never love you. No one will ever love you.” His voice was dripping with fury and disgust. He swiftly unsnapped my worn out, black collar and tossed it to the side, never taking his eyes off me. I didn’t know how I continued to breath as the action surely ripped my heart from my chest.

Now I had a new reason not to look up at his face, I needed to hide the tears. He wasn’t the first one to tell me such a thing but that didn’t make it burn less. I knew I was unwanted but hearing it was gut wrenching. Having your collar snatched from its rightful place and discarded as it was trash cut deeper than the lick of any whip. My Master finally walked away from my horrified stance.

“Put on your clothes and get the hell out of my room and house,” he said never looking back at me.

I quickly dressed and drove home, absent mindlessly. I had been released from my Master and without a doubt I was torn. No more scars to hide. No more calling into work because I was just too sore. But it also meant no more paddle, no more cosmic orgasms from finally being released to my delayed gratification. Was I happy to be released or was I already missing the feel of the Master’s cane?

No, I would need another master and soon. My body already felt rejected.

I walked into bedroom immediately reaching for the black and red chain necklace Felix had given me as a second “collar” that now hung from my mirror. I wore it anytime I wasn’t in “The Room” and wearing my actual collar. I slowly placed the cold metal on my neck. The tears returned and slowly began rolling down my cheeks, landing on the cursive “F” that now hung from my neck; where it had been every day for the last eighteen months.

Felix may have released me but he would forever be apart of me. I removed the memento and carefully placed it in my top drawer, tucked between my last two T-shirts. There it would stay.  
Protected.  
~xXx~

Three months. It had been three months since I heard the satisfying crack of a whip. It’s been three months since I felt the wonderful sting of a paddle. I should have been grateful for being free of restraints of a master but that was misleading. Yeah, I allowed myself release whenever I wanted or needed it, but it wasn’t the same. Given permission was so much better, hotter, and gratifying even. I have been under a master since I was nineteen years old. No orgasm before that could even compare to the delayed gratification of the world of bondage, discipline, and S&M. 

Six years, three masters and it was the time between them that was the hardest. In the beginning of my master-less stages I could hardly get a hard on with out the feel of leather wrapped around my wrist. Release was almost impossible but slowly the sensation of a throbbing member would return and when it did it came back with a vengeance. The breeze blowing a particular way as it brushed across the front at my slack would cause me to tent. I’ve had to painfully release myself in the men’s bathroom at the bank I worked at countless times. That was the first sign that it was time to get a new Master.

The pain of rubbing my cock to a burn was not the same as the burn of a perfectly placed cock ring. Constant hard on and repeated yanking was causing serious irritation, since I had to rub it out more often to get the reward. Once the hot seed was spilling in my hands, the toilet, or where ever, the sensation wouldn’t last long enough. Hours later I would be back at it again; mere hours of harmony versus days when brought on by a master’s skillful torture. God, I missed it. This was the second sign that I had to find a Master.

I didn’t want to appear untrained. Six years of training was slowly going out the door as I would jezz just from the sight of some fuck hot guy standing in my teller lines. I stained many a pair of khaki pants as I purposely spilled coffee on my front to mask the wet stains of my orgasm. If I didn’t fix this soon, I would have to start all over with my physical training. It took me year to master my deep submissive state. Besides, the more I pleased my master, the sooner he would reward me. I lived for the rewards.

So here I am out at Midnight Sun with Quil, my childhood best friend and his boyfriend, and Master, Sam. While I loved my play brother and his hottie boyfriend, I would be lying to say I wasn’t jealous.

Quil and Sam had been together for five years. They started out just as Sam being Quil’s Dom, but after two years of much Playroom fun they transitioned to an actual relationship. Now Quil has the best of both worlds: a sexy hot Master and an ultra caring boyfriend. 

With the mention of one word, Sam could go from the perfect boyfriend to the perfect Master. Sam had offered to be my Master during my down months on a couple occasions, but I had to decline. It was bad enough that Quil and I once slept together after a night of reminiscing, wine, and declaration of how sexy we thought each other were. It would have never worked out, but that was enough connection between two friends to add a shared master in the mix.

Yeah, I was without a doubt jealous. I would give anything to have a relationship such as theirs. Not that anyone would ever love me. Master Felix was right. I wasn’t worthy of such a gift. So I settled for a Master, a hard Master, who would push me. I may never feel the arms of a man wrapped around me as I look upon his smiling face but I could feel his cane and his commands. Then, during those deep submissive moments I can pretend. Then, I can fantasize that we are together in every possible way. He would return my love.

Midnight Sun was packed as usual. I hadn’t been here in months, as Felix and mine’s contract stated I only attend clubs with him. He never came with me but would meet me there and always stayed yards away. He was permitted to dance, flirt, and drink. I was not. Once I was released of my master I hadn’t returned; old habits are hard to break.

Quil, Sam, and I took a seat at the last empty table after we retrieved our drinks from the bar.

“To Seth’s freedom from the warden,” Quil said as he raised his glass. Quil made it publicly known he didn’t like Felix. The announcement of his departure was celebrated many days over with Quil.

We all raised our glasses to the inappropriate toast and I instantly downed the entire tonic in one shot. The burn was good, it was what was needed to hold off saying anything to Quil or start crying. I had many drinks that night to ward off mood swings, anger and loneliness.

Hours and many drinks in, I was finally lose enough and began swaying to the beat of the music. The lightness brought on by the alcohol could be felt through my entire body, making my touch extra sensitive.

I felt his presence on my back and his hand around my waist first. He leaned his face into the crock of my neck as I felt him inhale deeply. I took the opportunity to lean my head back and take on his scent. He smelled of the smoke filled bar but there was a hint of cologne and leather. Good, rich leather. The smell of the familiar material immediately tented my pants and I could not stop the moan that slid from my lips. My eyes, which were closed with the buzzing alcohol, sprang open; I wanted him. As I attempted to turn to face him, I felt his grip grow tighter on my waist.

“Now, now, gorgeous. Some one is excited,” he said pressing his lips to my ear and grabbing my hardening cock. Another moaned escaped me. “I can take care of that if you like.” He slowly began stroking the front of my jeans as I felt his own length behind me.

The only clear thought was my need for release. “God yes, please,” I uttered as his hands began to roam the reminder of my body.

“Follow,” he commanded.

I never fucked in the back rooms or the dark, dank ally way, even when I didn’t have a master. The thought of it always made me feel so cheap and dirty. The smell of stretched worn leather had ignited every submissive gene in me and there was no turning it off. So, I was quite surprised when he led me past the forbidden rooms and no where near the back door. Instead we began to climb stairs covered in red velvet carpet. As we got closer to the top, the lighting changed from non-existent to soft florescent. With each step I could make out a little bit more of him.

Quarter of the way up I could see his tall frame and his average build. He wasn’t muscular but his broad shoulders led me to believe that beneath that chocolate brown button up laid the body of a god. A few more steps up revealed his straight platinum blond hair. The taught straight out hung just below his eyes, a place his hair quite often chose to be. I would later learn that pulling on those unruly straight ends were the sign of my extensive and sever punishment.

Just before opening the door to our destination, my escort turned his eyes in my direction. They were pristine blue and almost glowed. Just above his shoulder I could make out the corner of his smile. As his lips curled on the end, his eyes flashed with instance of more than lust, danger perhaps. But I continued on, following him through the door.

I didn’t have time to make out the room as I was instantly pushed against the wall by his full weight. As the gorgeous man kissed me deeply I closed my eyes only thinking of the desired aroma permeating off his body. He slowly kissed his way down my jaw line and neck. His swift hands made no work of my pants and boxers. Never giving me the chance to refuse, even if I wanted too. His hot tongue trailed licks down my throats as his hands found presence on my body, stirring my lust. As his mouth made the journey down my trail his hands lingered on my slightly exposed “V” just as he pulled my length from its own prison. 

“Absolutely beautiful,” he said just before licking me from base to tip and circling me with his tongue. I fought of the desire to cum. 

“Oh my god.” I couldn’t call out his name. The name he never shared with me. I let some one jump me off and I didn’t know his name and he didn’t know mind.

“Caius, baby,” he said looking up from his position before me. 

“Seth,” I responded choosing the worst time to complete formalities. “Caius that fells so damn good. Please don’t stop.”

“Didn’t plan on it, baby.” He took my entire length in. The warmth was exceptional. The sensation was intensified by my previous alcohol induced buzz.

“Yes, oh . . . may I cum.” As if I had spoken the unforgivable he stopped his assault and erected himself.

My eyes opened instantly as fear rushed through me. Of old habit my eyes instantly felled to the floor. I bent at my knees, unable to kneel properly before him, but to signify the gesture at least. I did not know if I was in the presence of a Master but old habit die never. Already brimming on the edge of ecstasy, I fought back my desire to go over the edge. 

“Well, well, well. Look at my luck. I stumbled upon a well trained sub.” Caius began pacing in front of me, noticeably examining me as if he had never looked upon me before now. “Who is your Master? Speak.” He stopped before me.

With my new space I positioned myself properly on my knees before him. “I am without one as mine released me three months ago,” I stated.

“Why would he do such a thing? You appear to be well acquainted to the rules. Are you looking for a new sire?” Dare I say his voice sounded hopeful?

“He moved to another state and refused to let me follow,” I fought back my tears of my lost love. “I am anxiously searching for a new Master.”

Caius had pulled a chair up to my kneeled position. “Well I am also searching for a new sub. Of course I must examine you first, but would you like to be considered for the position.”

There was nothing to think about. I was overly anxious to be back under the thumb of a Master but I didn’t want to appear so to Caius.

“May I ask what your contract is sir,” wanting to show immediate respect. I already knew I would accept. 

“We will discuss all that in due time. We will first start with a trial weekend. Learn each other. If you accept, then eyes forward.”

Slowly I lifted my eyes. Finally looking into this gorgeous face, I was awe struck by his beauty. 

“Well then,” he said letting out a breath as if he had held it for a while, “this will be fun.” He stood pushing the chair back with his legs and adjusting his clothing.

“Stand!” I obeyed and was rewarded as he ran his hands through my black hair. “You will not cum tonight . . . but soon.” 

He walked towards a desk that had went unnoticed in the room and pulled out a card, quickly writing on the back. “Be here tomorrow night, eight o’clock sharp. The first thing you need to learn about me is that I don’t tolerate tardiness.”

I lowered my eyes again and accepted the card, “Yes, sir.”

“You are excused,” he said as he turned his back to me.

I slowly stalked back down the velvet stairs, partly excited, partly in pain, and even more bewildered. I normally found my master through a contact over a lunch or dinner date. This was . . . different.

I made my way back to my table with Sam and Quil. I could only imagine the look on my face.

“Dude, where you been?” Quil said after swallowing his drink as I unexpectedly and suddenly plopped down in my chair.

“I think I just found a new dom?” It came out sounding more like a question.

“What?” Sam and Quil questioned unanimously. I felt no need to repeat myself. “Where is he?” Sam asked as they looked around the club from their seats.

“He’s not around.” No one said anything else but Quil face was plastered with concern and Sam’s mirrored his lover. I tried not to appear fazed by the events but I was failing.

We sipped our refreshed drinks. Sam and Quil danced. I was still lost in the events of the night.

There are moments in your life when instincts kick in unexpectedly and at that moment mine was screaming, “DISTROY THE CARD!” There are also moments when your body wars against itself. Your physical plays tug of war with your mental. Only one can win. In hind sight I should have listened to my mental.

Hind sight is always 20/20.


	4. The Weekend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes . . . The way it begins is the clue . . .

The Weekend  
Seth POV

Thank the gods I didn’t have to work that Saturday morning. My nervousness would not have bode well with dealing with large amounts of cash. 

I paced back and forth around my apartment, trying to find something to occupy my hands, time and mind. Today was the day. The night before I had been invited to a Dom session by the courageous Caius. I was still suffering through the blue balls of that incomplete blow job. Fuck, could I have not discovered he was a Dom after my release? Anyway, I was looking forward to a little play action. My nerves were all over the place and I knew it wasn’t just excitement.

The impulse to tear up the business card with this address beautifully noted on the back was still there. I worried my nervousness was too founded and I shouldn’t go. I was torn. Usually new Dominants have already been thoroughly checked before I see their playroom and we’ve talked some before any action. Not this time; I thought maybe that was why I was so unsure. How safe was he?

But despite all the nerves, I was going to go. I wanted this. I’ve always thought a part of me was missing, not having a significant other. I’ve felt incomplete or maybe even lacking. I always felt that hollow place was the vein in which love traveled to and from and mine was not functioning. I had no one to love and I had no one to love me. I would always be incomplete. But when under the thumb of a Dom, or a Master, the pain subsided, even if just a little. It was someone else’s hands touching me. It was someone else voice that called to me. I substituted love and devotion with a good pain. It was like tofu over meat; sustained you merely. That empty vessel in me now burned as well after my sudden departure from Felix. I was itching for something to sooth it.

So I paced. I was to be at the provided address at seven p.m.; it was ten a.m. Fuck it was going to be a long day. I washed clothes, cleaned my apartment, I even paid bills but to my amazement it was still only one o’clock. Nothing to keep me occupied allowed my mind to wonder more on him. Would he really want me? What happened to his previous sub? I pulled out the card he had given me the night before. Caius Ricci: owner and operator of Midnight Sun. That explained the office we were in. I couldn’t do a proper background check before our scheduled meeting but it didn’t matter anyway because I knew I was going. So I paced and I fiddled. It was a long day.

~xXx~

At 6:55 p.m. I pulled up to the downtown loft apartment. I had actually circled the block for over fifteen minute as my anxiousness wouldn’t allow me to sit in my apartment any longer. Five minutes: early enough to portray my punctuality, yet not to show my eagerness. As I stepped out of the car, I adjusted my wide leg stone washed jeans and Polo Extreme shirt. I took several deep breaths to calm my frantic nerves but nothing helped, as they went hay wire all over again as I walked from the parking deck to the front door. I was greeted by the doorman.

“Good evening. Are you Seth?” The doorman asked me.

“Yes,” I stated looking quite surprised that he knew who I was.

“Ah, Mr. Ricci is expecting you. Right this way.”

I followed the man through the steel double doors and on to an elevator. He pushed an unmarked button; a button that was taking us past the sixth floor. When he stepped of the elevator there was nothing before us but stairs. I looked at my escort puzzled. He simply returned a smile and gestured to follow. After two short flights of stairs, we approached an ornately decorated mahogany wood carved door. It seemed to contrast with the cold metal walls but it fit tighter nicely. I suspected that each tenant of the loft had their own entire floor but I highly doubted anyone else floor was a whole other level above the remaining tenants.

The doorman pulled me to stand directly before the door and turned to leave. I slowly lifted my arm to knock on the door but my lack of breathing made the task difficult. After a few steady breaths, I was able to land fist to door. A series of latches and bolts could be heard being released on the other side, and instantly I held my breath again. If I keep this up I was surely going to pass out from the lack of oxygen getting to my brain. It got worst when I saw the shirtless god before me.

“Seth, I am so glad you made it. Come,” Caius said as he ushered me through the door.

“Sir,” I said casting my eyes down, but not before I noticed his rippling body. His platinum blond straight ends laid freely about the frame of his face, forcing my eyes to hone into his. I could surely drown in those blond seas.

“Not just yet.” He noticeably sized me up. “Eyes forward . . . please. As long as we are here, in the foyer, we are equals; therefore this is the best place to get formalities out of the way.”

As I brought my eyes up I looked over his body as well. He stood before me completely relaxed wearing nothing more than burgundy night pants appearing to be made of silk. His pants fell below his waist exposing the toned “V” line. Delicious didn’t quite describe him enough. I unconsciously bit and licked my lower lip, imagining how his skin felt and tasted on my tongue. It did not go unnoticed.

“Like what you see, Seth?” He asked obviously unfazed by my ogling. 

“Yes, actually I do.”

“Good, than we are off to a good start. You have me at an advantage as I don’t know your last name.”

“Clearwater, Mr. Ricci,” I stated.

“Humph,” he said sounding surprised. “Well, first things first. I am sure you have something for me.”

With out a question or look, I pulled the folded paper from my pocket noting my clean blood tests dated for less than three weeks. We exchanged documents, both briefly looking over them. He slid my paper into the folder I had not noticed on the table as I slipped his into my pocket.

“So this is only for the weekend, to test each other if you will. No commitment. Agreed?” He clasped his hands together loudly making me jump slightly. I hoped that went unnoticed.

“Agreed.” I would have agreed to anything while starring into those deep blue eyes.

“Limits?” It was time to really talk.

“Yes,” I said. I was anxious for some long overdue sensation but there were some things that I just didn’t stand for and would make me leave before any fun was had. “No knife, gun, fire, or animal play. Those are hard limits. I enjoy bondage but gag balls not so much. I prefer to avoid them when ever possible.”

“Okay. Those are fair.”

“You?” I asked finally starting to relax some.

“I do like gags but if you are willing to possibly work on that I will def make needed adjustments. We share hard limits, thankfully. I do use bondage but I prefer discipline. I do not tolerate disrespect in the least bit. You are not to have any other Dominants.”

I expected the rule of no disrespect, but the way he uttered it sent a chill down my spine. My feet instinctively moved backwards one step. Again my body was warning me, urging me to go while still screaming to stay.

“What is your safeword? And please,” he said turning his hand up and looking away, eyes closed, “no word you’ve used with previous enforcers. I will not have you thinking of them while you are with me.” He looked as if he was relieving some disgusting event.

“Feather,” I stated.

“Feather it is, then.” He stared as if he was trying to read why I chose such a word. “My Playroom, and it will be referred to as such, is down the hall, last door directly ahead. This will be the only time you are permitted to enter while clothed. You have two minutes to look around. If you choose to stay, undress and place your clothes in the designated area. If you choose to leave, come back here. I will see you in three minutes, one way or another.” He stepped away, turning his back to me to make my decision. My feet moved towards “The Playroom.”

The room was large, almost appearing to not belong in the loft. I first noted the floor which was uniquely padded, not of what I was familiar with, but indeed soft. Metal of all sorts seemed to be the theme as the floor was a soft gray and every rack, bench, and table were done in a gun metal black. My cock twitched as I ran my hands over the various restraints. In the corner of the room stood a utility cabinet. I opened the door to the larges display of sensation toys I’ve ever had the pleasure to examine. He did in fact like gags as he had at least five different varieties hanging from the hooks inside the closet. They all varied in size, shape, and texture of ball, or lack there of.

The room was beautiful, and I was hungry for it. My nerves had settled as soon as I entered the room; I was home, more or less. I wanted this, besides it was only one weekend. If it wasn’t worth it, I could walk away and search else where. God, I hoped I didn’t have to look any where else. I wanted it to be Caius. I quickly undressed, folded my clothes and placed them on the table designated for such items just inside the door of the room. I kneeled in the center of the room, eyes down and waited for my Dom.

“I am so glad you choose to stay,” I heard Caius say. Eyes down, I only saw his feet as he walked past me in the direction of the utility cabinet. “Now, what is your safeword?”

“Feather, sir.”

“Will you be punished for using your safeword, Seth?” I heard the thin metal door close on the cabinet behind me.

“No, sir.”

“Correct, but you will be punished for over use of the word. I am here to push you; therefore you must be willing to push yourself. Understand?” Caius stood directly before me. 

“Yes, sir.”

“You will be awarded at times.” He began rubbing his hands deep into my hair, through my scalp. He than leaned down before me, barely pressing his face to mine, ghosting a kiss on my lips. He was letting me know how I could be rewarded. “There will be times you must be punished, such as tonight.”

My eyes were down to the floor but they searched my limited area as I tried to figure out what I had done. Caius answered the question for me.

“I explained I didn’t like tardiness and you knocked on my door at 7:02 p.m.” I closed my eyes, angry at myself for trying to mask my eagerness, in the end it only put or new arrangement at a bad start. “I will not be too harsh as you didn’t know the rigor it was to get here, but it can not happen again. Speak!”

“Yes, sir, I understand. It will not happen again.” I mentally began readying my body for my punishment. I hated this was how we had to start things, but this is what I wanted. Right?

“Stand. Prepare yourself across the beam.”

The black padded four foot long beams stood waist high. I noted the two hand restraints bolted at each end and leaned into them so that Caius could close them. He had other ideas.

“No restraints. I told you I prefer discipline. I want to see what control you have. Bend over the bench, hands behind your back.” I did as instructed.

It wasn’t until I felt and heard the whack that I knew my punishment was the paddle. The sensation was sudden, stinging as I wasn’t prepared. I hoped this was practice only during punishment. I corrected my self mentally as I tried not to move.

“Count and thank me.”

“One, thank you, sir . . . Two, thank you, sir . . . Three, thank you, sir . . .” Each purchase on my skin was of the best pain. The paddles could be heard not only as it met my skin, but also as it swung through the air. The force behind it brought such a movement of air with it my hair began to fly off my neck with each landing. I was back. I hadn’t moved yet, but I wasn’t going to kid myself. It had been along time since I delayed my gratification. “Nine, thank you, sir . . . Ten, thank you, sir.” My voice never faltered; my body never moved.

“Very good,” Caius smooth the skin of my slightly red, and now tender, ass. “You have much discipline. Stand, allow me to see you.”

I stood from my position and he turned me in his direction. Caius pulled me by my arm to the center of the room. I stood, feet shoulder length apart, arms horizontal to my body so that he may see me completely. This was my least favorite part; being examined as a piece of meat straight from the butcher. After years of this life I began to worry that my skin and scars would show the signs of my previous Masters.

If Caius asked I could explain the long jagged scar down my right side was from when my first Master, Jason, pushed me into an X-Frame. Maybe Caius would like to know the story of the many scars on my back thanks to my second Master, Charlie. He got a little too happy with the flogger that night. Felix didn’t leave any scars, or at least not physical ones. His would likely never heal. My body was a road map of S&M. One day I would have to face the fact that not only would no one want my love but they wouldn’t want my body, either. I had not paid attention to Caius who had been taking a stroll around me. His voice brought me back.

“All fours,” he commanded. “Let’s truly test you, shall we?”

As I positioned myself accordingly, I felt Caius run his hand softly down the length of my body. Down my left shoulder, over my left sides and ass, across the tender skin still throbbing from the paddle, and all the way back up the right side. It was a slow seduction I was not used to from a Dom. It seemed too intimate for something so new. I was already working overtime to ward off my release. I didn’t want to disappoint. I did want to see what Caius’ real punishment was. Caius walked before my submissive form.

“What is this, Seth?”

My eyes gradually moved up to see the device hanging from his hands. ”Vibrating plugs, sir.”

“Correct. What’s your safeword?” he said swinging the plugs before my face.

“Feather.”

“I am going to use this on you while you suck me off. You will not cum,” his voice rose with each command. My body felt the need to not only push itself but fear Caius as well. I’ve only feared my Dominants once they began to become unusually cruel. In retrospect that was always just before they released me. Never did I fear them before that, but now, with Caius, I was afraid.

I felt the icy cold lube run down the crack of my ass and without any further preparation the fist two beads were forced in. It was a familiar pain, a pain I hadn’t felt in months. The last four months with Felix went without any penetration and then I had been without a Master for three months. Tight was not accurate enough. Painful, bad pain, didn’t say enough. Without warning I heard the click of the on switch and the resulting vibrations. I locked down every muscle in my body to keep from moving, moaning, or cumming. It was a blissful torture that nine months ago I could have staved off, rode the excellent ministration till I was rewarded by my Master with permission to cum. Now I struggled to find that ultra submissive state and feared my unacceptable release.

“Suck,” Caius demanded grabbing my hair.

He shoved his full length into my waiting mouth, instantly hitting the back of my throat. At that moment I thanked the gods for my lack of gag reflex. He began to fuck my mouth, moaning with every inward thrust. The sound of his pleasure was going straight to my dick as fast as the beads pleasuring my ass. My balls began to get that all too familiar tightness that I had to ward off. I knew Caius hadn’t cum but I could taste his salty preparation on my tongue; it, too, was betraying me. So soon after it started I could take no more. My body was crashing and I was in more pain just trying to ward off my body’s instinct to release. A single tear rolled from my eyes as I dropped Caius’ cock from my mouth.

“Feather!” I screamed out just before my orgasm escaped me, landing on the floor. I closed my eyes, though I was in no threat of looking up into his face. I didn’t want to see his anger.  
Caius removed the hold from my hair, took one step back, and turned to walk out of the room; the vibrating anal plugs remained in position.

“Dress and leave,” he said, never turning to me.

I stayed in that spot for what seemed like a while, only reaching to remove the plugs. He provided no after care and I sat there for some time, he never returned. I quickly dressed, or as quickly as I could given my soreness. When I walked to the foyer, Caius was nowhere to be found. I managed to hold off my tears till I was miles away, in fear he would hear me till then.

I spent the evening crying, screaming and convulsing uncontrollably in the floor of my home. Pulling at my hair and clawing at my skin, I tried to punish my body for betraying my heart. Heart, as if I loved Caius. I knew it wasn’t love, it was need. I was going to be some what whole once the need was filled. He wouldn’t want me after tonight. I punished myself brutally throughout the night and morning, denying myself food and drink. My body didn’t deserve it.

Needless to say, I was surprised to receive a text from him the next afternoon.  
“The Playroom. 7:00 p.m.” –Dom

Was he giving me another chance? That evening I made it to his house, before his door at 6:45 p.m.

“Seth, you are early. Go prepare yourself,” he said, moving to allow me into the house.

Once in the playroom, I immediately removed my clothes, placing them in their place. Tonight the room was much colder than the day before, causing the padded floor to feel like ice to my lower legs and knees. I lowered myself to my knees, hands behind my back. After I received the much desired text message, I ended myself denial and began to replenish my body. I meditated the remaining of the day to prepare for this evening. I wanted Caius to choose me. I didn’t want it to be over, but I had to prove myself. That day would have been the last day for me to prove my abilities. I continued my meditation as I waited his arrival.

I didn’t know how long I had kneeled there but my mind knew it was longer than fifteen minutes. Suddenly, the door of The Playroom was opened and I could hear Caius approaching slowly. He circled around me twice never speaking, never touching me.

“Dress and leave,” he said walking out of the door in which he came. He never looked back.  
This time I couldn’t stop the single tear that rolled down my cheek. I was alone again. I didn’t realize how late it was until I made it to my car parked in the deck. The dash glowed 9:33 p.m. 

For two and a half hours I knelled for naught. Tears came again freely.

~xXx~

“So how did your weekend go?” Quil asked as he propped his feet on my coffee table, mouth full of popcorn.

It had been a long hard Monday. My body was at Aro Bank and Trust but my mind was in a Playroom; a place I was sure to never see again. No better way to forget than to spend time with my best friend. 

“Horrible. I don’t even want to talk about it.” I hoped simple answers and obvious disappointment would end the conversation. I’d stopped that explanation but I could see Quil had something else he wanted to say. I wasn’t going to rush him. I was sure it was a conversation I didn’t want to have. But the awkward glance in my direction was finally getting to me. 

“Spit it the fuck out, Quil!” I said never looking in his direction  
.  
“I don’t . . .”

“Quil, I know you so don’t give me that crap about you don’t know what I am talking about. Just spit it the hell out so we can argue, apologize, and move the hell on.” Quil’s shoulders relaxed, seeing he no longer had to play this game. 

“Seth, man I love you. I will always be there for you, but I am very worried about you. Sam is worried, too,” he quickly amended.

Unfazed by what he said, “Worried about what?” I never took my eyes from the television.

“Obviously I can’t knock your lifestyle,” I glared at him, “but the way you are going about this is all wrong. You can’t seem to function without a Dom, or Master. And they are all worst than the one before.”

I couldn’t help but think about the truth in the statement. Jason was rough during sex in the worst way. Charlie not only abused me during sessions but also during relationship as well. It was becoming difficult to remember under what circumstance a scare was received. And then there was Felix, who did every thing that Jason and Charlie did plus added in his own mix of broken down self esteem, verbal abuse, and public humiliation. Quil may have been right. I didn’t realize what Jason and Charlie were doing until I realized no one else relationship was so painful and unhappy. Quil and Sam became my basis of comparison most times. Despite being well aware of the wrongs and rights of this world by the time Felix came along, I still couldn’t walk away when I saw the signs being present again. I loved Felix, and while he didn’t want to admit it, he loved me, too. He kept no sub as long as he kept me. All the other subs, parties, and orgies were just him trying to work it all out in his head.

So yeah, Quil may have been right but I wasn’t going to tell him that. Besides, Caius seemed to be different. No, we hadn’t talked much, but he seemed different than all the rest.

“Quil thank you for your concern but I am fine. I can take care of myself.” I finally turned to face him. My watching television irritated the hell out of Quil; my goal was achieved. “Besides it’s easy for you to sit over there and judge. You have the perfect man, the perfect boyfriend, and the perfect Master waiting on you at home now.” Thinking of it was pissing me off. “Hell he probably standing at the door with your slippers and nipple clamps for when you get home.” Yeah. definitely jealous. Quil’s anger seemed to peak also.

“Sam is far from perfect,” he shouted. “And I am not judging you. I am trying to help you. I don’t like this Caius guy.”

“You don’t even know him!”

“Neither do you.” Slowly Quil’s anger was receding. “Please Seth, as your best friend; I am asking, take a break. Focus on you. Don’t go back to Caius.”

I was preparing to lay into him again but he was saved by a knock on the door. The sound deflated both our anger. This conversation would continue but the interruption forced both sides’ tempers to cool.

I opened the door not even bothering to ask who it was.

He had all the signs of a messenger: helmet hair, bright yellow and black sling back pack, and a package in hand.

“Seth Clearwater?” He asked.

“Yeah?” I wasn’t expecting anything. The red roses in his arms were all that I could look at.

“Here you go, sir,” he said as he handed the stunning looking bouquet and a large parcel envelop. Without waiting on a payment or second word, he turned to leave.

I slowly turned back into the apartment, mind hard at work. Quil had turned to see the reason for the interruption. He didn’t say anything but the question was all over his face. I simply shrugged my shoulders.

I lay the envelop on the coffee table to look for a card amongst the roses. There was none. I laid down the twelve long stem roses with thorns and picked up the unmarked sealed envelop. I could feel the anticipation, or nosiness, rolling of Quil’s body. I popped the metal seal and removed the stack of papers. I knew what it was instantly. My eyes grew wider. My shoulders stiffened. I held my breath.

“Seth, what is wrong? What is it?” Quil eyes bounced back and forth from between my face and the paper I was blankly staring at. 

“It’s . . . a . . . Dom/sub Contract.” A smile so slowly cracked my face I didn’t realize it happened. 

But Quil saw it. Without another word he walked out the apartment.


	5. End and Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where one leaves off the other begin but the pain is just as sweet.

End and Beginning  
Seth POV

I couldn’t sleep. I lay on my stomach across my bed, naked, sore, and bruised. My eyes itched and burned from the flow of tears and rubbing of my hands. I was weak, my body was too sore to move and I was all cried out. He wasn’t there to help me come down from the session. I was taken far beyond anyone’s limits and then sent home. He used me and sent me on my way. I didn’t know what he wanted from me anymore.

Our time was ending. That night was the last of our six month contract of Dom/sub and as always when it came to my Sir, I was conflicted. The sound of his command sent my cock twitching, warding off my release before he even touched me. But my mind and body constantly fought as those same commands always ignited my fight or flight senses; a reaction I had never experienced with any other Master. My feet wanted to retreat every time and because of my instinct to move I would fail my sir and bring a punishment upon myself.

Over the last six months I had endured just as much pain as I had pleasure. I was convinced that I was being punished for being too well trained. It had been well over a month after accepting our contract before I received any type of discipline for any reason. I was early for every session. My release was granted, and never stolen. It was then that I began to notice Caius was upset with my lack of need for reprimand. The whips and canes were not enough. It was as if he wanted to see me broken. It was then he started to manufacture excuses to see about changing that small problem.

Caius would claim that I had questioned him or looked to long into his eyes. Those offenses would guarantee at least fifty lashes of the flogger, plus no release granted. We had designated the hallway outside his front door and the foyer as our neutral ground. In those two areas we were equals; however he didn’t hold up that end of our agreement. On one instance I entered the foyer to be met by a kneeling X-frame. The small X shape bars bound my hands and ankles as I kneeled before him. Caius than placed his hardening cock into my mouth, fucking it as my ass was assaulted by the infamous vibrating plugs. A cock ring was placed on my flaccid member and my nipples were aroused by remote controlled vibrating clamps. Unexpectedly, Caius would release their vibrating power on my over sensitive skin and count every time I shut my eyes to stifle my moan or movement. Later that number was used as the number of canings I received. The foyer was no longer neutral. Caius greatest power in my fictitious need for punishment was to use work against me.

Being lead teller at Aro First National Bank and Trust meant closing; not getting off work till after seven o’clock. Caius knew this. Yet countless times he would send last minute commands to meet him or would set up sessions before my job was over. Properly shutting down the bank, downtown traffic, and his high rise loft requiring both elevator and stair access ensured that I would enter his quarters later and later every time. A paddle, flogger, or cane would meet me at the entrance of his apartment when his impossible schedule could not be met. More and more Caius was breaking our contract and I said nothing. 

I loved it too much. His punishments were harsh. His dominating hand was fierce but because of that I had pushed myself to please him more. I didn’t fool myself in believing that he had done this for my growth, but I took what I could get. As hard as this life was on my body, I didn’t want it to end. What would I walk away to? My job was all that I had without my Sir. Quil had begun talking to me again, with limitations. Although he knew that I would, it sill upset him to see I had accepted Caius’ contract. It out right pissed him off when I let it slip that Caius had a few times went outside the realms of said contract. Quil started to pull away again after that. It wasn’t much: our weekly movies were being cancelled – always by him; our occasional lunches were all but forgotten. We still talked, but I got the impression it was more to make sure Caius hadn’t killed me than a continuation of our long time friendship. 

So I had nothing else outside of Caius. He made no mention of renewing, or continuing, what we had, and I knew this night would be my official dismiss from “The Playroom.” I was going to cherish this final session as there was no need for a fierce punishment. I had called in sick at work just in case he wanted an impromptu meeting. I was fully dressing anxiously sitting on my couch, keys in hands, waiting on a call. I would be ready to go in less than a moments notice. As usual Caius had other ideas. 

I took my place in the center of “The Playroom” that evening at our usual time. The room was extremely cold and upon entering the familiar room my teeth began to chatter. Knowing my Dom would consider this barely controllable act as disrespect, I hardened my jaw line to the brink of pain. Slowly the cold began to affect the remainder of my body. I could feel my the heat leaving me in waves, weakening me almost instantly. My nipples hardened from the chilly sensation and slowly my body began to twitch. I was losing all control as my body temperature began to adjust to that of the room. As the waves of heat left my body so did my energy. I was exerting too much vigor in the stilling of my body and it was beginning to tire me quickly. My eyes began to flutter from the exhaustion and with each failed blink my teeth would chatter again or my posture would slouch. I could no longer hold my balance on my now numb knees and my hands would fall from my position in an attempt to steady my balance. I was losing every second that ticked away, only having the ability to focus on one body control at a time. Was it to still my body and hold my posture? Was it to stop my noisy teeth? Maybe it was to keep my eyes open? It didn’t matter which, my Sir required complete stillness and discipline. Any movement would be deemed disrespectful and ward a punishment. As if this was not torture enough.

As my mind began to accept the possibility of defeat, it stumbled on a more horrific though: the all metal room, the below zero temperature. Every surface in the room had begun to collect frosty layers of ice. To touch the equipment I once beg to feel would be painful and for them to touch my overly sensitive skin was going to be hell. Caius wanted to hear me scream out in agony. I just didn’t know why.

My body could take no more. I gave into the demands of my depleted body and slumped to the floor; forming the fetal position. My hands were formed into claws as they started to fiercely rub heat into my limps. I feared hyperthermia was to soon follow. As my body laid shuddering on the floor my eyes landed on the form that now stood in the door of “The Playroom,” fully clothed, in a snow suit. My body wanted to cry, needed to cry, but was unable to. 

“Failure you are, Seth.” Caius said as he crouched down before my half frozen form. “You will be punished for this.”

I tried desperately to spit out my safe word but my body no longer listened to my brain. Instead only more stutters and chattering teeth could be heard from between my lips.

“What’s that my pet? Are you trying to say something?” But nothing would come out. My eyes began to roll to the back of my head in concentration to say my safe word. With the last of my energy, I extended my hand and grasped his wrist, my hand pleading with him for mercy. It was not a trait he possessed. 

Caius jerked his wrist from my grasped. “How dare you touch me?” Caius than picked up my ridged body lying me across the spanking beam and securing my arms in the restraints. I screamed out in pain as the frozen metal made contact with my wrist, waist and cock. The tears finally came and I no longer worried with stilling my body. Without warning my ass was met with a searing stabbing sensation.

Fucking leather coated paddle. My already tortured body was going to ensure even a normal paddle would be far worst but now the frozen temperature of the leather felt like thousands of knifes striking me at once. It was at the second whack I lost consciousness, but not before I heard the words slip from Caius lips.

“Fuck yes! This is more like it.” My world went black.

I awoke just outside the door of “The Playroom” covered by a thermal survival blanket. My clothes sat above my head. I slowly tried to move my body but was met by cracking joints and stiff muscles. I cautiously sat up on the floor, instantly regretting the decision. As the burn shot through my ass, my encounter with a paddle came flooding back to me.

Everything else on me was just as sore, if not worst. What the fuck had he done to me? I slowly stood to my feet and walked through the hall. The entire house was pitch black with exception of a trail of lights that lead from the hallway to the front door. It was his final command. It screamed, “Get out.”

As I drove home, my mind fought desperately to remember what happened in that room. The only thing that would come to me were the feelings of frost bitten temperatures and the lose of all control. I could recall only the feeling of utter rigidness. What my mind lacked in remembrance, my body made up for. As I made my way home my arms and legs began to twitch uncontrollably. The spasms became so sharp they forced my car to swerve across the highway lines. The tears finally came as realization hit that he had destroyed me. I looked upon the speeding freeway sign: “Washington Regional Medical Center, Exit 16, 1 mile.” I needed to stop but what was I to tell them? I couldn’t remember what happened. I drove past the exit. 

So I laid naked, bruised and convulsing on my bed. Once the tears started they were slow to stop. Sleep evaded me; denied my request to float away from the hell reality was proving to be. Upon stripping form my clothes I took notice of my ailments, trying to put together what had happened. My jaw was screaming with pain; I concluded that I had been gagged. My back hurt along the middle of my spine and my inside thigh muscles throbbed; I must has been placed on his vibrating bench. My cock and balls were throbbing, desperately trying to increase blood flow. I no doubt was subjected to some CBT. Red blotches of all lengths, and shapes littered my back, thighs, ass and torso; clear signs of floggers, whips, paddles, and canes. Finally, my wrist and ankles were worn with red rashes and scorched flesh. My history in this life lead me to believe I was restrained with leather straps; likely brand new. But it was all just assumptions. My brain was protecting me, blocking out the assault.

This was assault. I was unconscious and consented to nothing but my place in that room. Nonetheless my consent was meaningless and reporting what might had happened was pointless. Cops, police reports, and BDSM do not play well together. “The victim likely asked for it,” was their stand. Contracts were void in law and cases couldn’t be proven majority of the time. If I reported this I would just be humiliated. I had been down this road before. The pain from the torture felt better than the process of involving the law. Above all else, if I had reported this I may not have ever found another Dom. A vanilla life was not my style. I couldn’t be without a Sir. So I took it. So I cried. So I did nothing.

Literally the day after Caius left me broken, Quil showed up at my apartment with Papa John’s Pizza, cold beer, and “How to Lose A Guy in Ten Days” (what can I say, I love romantic comedies). It was as if Quil marked his calendar for the end of the six months. Typical Quil. I wasn’t mad at him, in fact I was thankful. After the events of the night before the last thing I wanted was to be alone. Quil didn’t ask why I was shaking uncontrollably or the burn on my wrist. He was obviously angry and I was not sure I wanted to know what his mind dreamed up for the injuries. Being apart of this world, I was sure his conclusions were close to the truth, or pretty damn spot on. We easily fell back into our old ways of doing things with some exceptions.  
Many nights I fell asleep in Quil or Sam’s lap, needing to be physically close to someone. They never questioned why I would be sobbing in my sleep. They nerve asked why, and I never offered up a reason. To relive it felt too painful but I couldn’t escape it when I closed me eyes. My mind was still blocking what truly happened but my nightmares either unlocked the vaults or created its own version. Yet when I awoke I could remember nothing and the only evident of my restless night was my tear soaked pillow or Quil, or Sam, cradling me in their arms.

A month tickled by and I never heard a word from Caius. My body slowly healed from the effects of our last encounter. My body spasms stopped all but entirely. I never spoke of what happened that night. I knew if Sam and Quil found out they would without a doubt demand I call the cops. That was the last thing I wanted. Not only did I fear humiliation from the police or a tarnish reputation in the world I so loved to dwell, I was protecting Caius, the love of my life.

The dreams started only days after our deal was over. With the bruises subsiding the pain in my heart became more prominent. Every night I was either met with the nightmare of that eventful last session or images of the glorious god I wanted to worship with all of my being. As I slept I was constantly bombarded with images of Caius glorious cock in my warm waiting mouth. He would always hold me closely, sliding his fingers through my hair as he whispered sweet declarations in my ear. Our bodies would always be tangled together and his smell would surround me, blanketing me in warmth and comfort. He took me slowly in my dreams, relishing every square inch of my body. My dreams were so real I could feel his hot seed spill in my center as he collapsed on my chest; sandwiching my own release between our bodies.

“I pushed you because I love you, Seth. Know that I would never hurt you. I love you, my pet,” he would say in my erotic slide shows. I would awake to a painful throbbing cock. 

At first I couldn’t pleasure myself because of my injured wrist, forcing me to dry hump the mattress to alleviate the hard on. Nothing could question how much I loved him. I cried every day from the loss of him, knowing whoever was next couldn’t hold a candle light to Caius. The desire would burn a little bit more when ever I thought about how he would never know how I felt.

My love for him grew in confusion as nights and days would come where I was forced to face both the intoxicating dreams and the hellish nightmares. Which one was true? I didn’t understand how the two could be of the same person. Even as I was no longer commanded by him daily, his existence conflicted me: love him or hate him? Could I do both?

It was late one Friday night. I sat alone on my couch surfing through late night television. I begged Sam to take Quil out; I just wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I knew Quil was just trying to help me, be there for me, but in actually he was smothering me. I enjoyed spending time with my friends but they weren’t the ones I wanted to be with. My true heart’s desire ran through my mind every idle chance it got. I dreamed of running my hands through his straight platinum blond ends, tugging on them as he deepened our passionate kiss. He wanted me as I wanted him. He loved me as I loved him. Or at least that was the case in the fantasies; the good dreams.

I didn’t understand why I craved for him so dearly. Our “relationship” was as much pain, bad pain, as it was pleasure. Caius showed no interest in caring for me, in “The Playroom” or otherwise. But I loved the way he made me cry. His strong command radiated deep through me, touching me like no hands ever could. My masochistic nature craved him.

I had given up on trying to find anything worth watching. It was one o’clock in the morning and infomercials were as good as it got. My mind wasn’t there in my apartment anyway. I didn’t realize I had fallen asleep until the phone awoke me.

“Hello?” I cleared my throat of the sleep that had already began to scratch it. 

“Seth, my pet.” The voice was slurred and sounded exhausted. Despite the roughness, my body recognized it. My thin sleep pants began to tent.

“Caius! I mean sir.” I corrected my acknowledgement. I knew I was bound to him in no way, but I wanted to be. Caius would always have my respect as a Dom who once I submitted my life, even if he did not share my love. 

“My pet, so fucking well trained,” Caius hiccupped. “You were so damn well trained. Fuck!” My body jumped at his obvious anger.

“Sir, what is wrong? How may I serve you?”

“Seth, my love, please take me home. I can’t do it anymore without you.” I was able to make out through his heavy slurred voice. I looked down at my caller ID, noting where he was calling from.

“I am coming, sir.” I immediately hung up the phone but not before I heard him call me his love for the second time. Could it be? Could Caius actually care fore me? Love me? I contemplated that possibility as I sped down the freeway, headed to Midnight Sun. 

It was peak clubbing hour and Midnight Sun mirrored the place to be on a Friday night. I pushed my way through the crowd, ignoring request to dance and to be showered in drinks. I made my way to the velvet steps, being let through by the bouncer who protected its entrance at the velvet rope. Thankfully he remembered me from my many session completed here in this very club per Caius request. I immediately entered into Caius’ office only to find it empty. As I stepped back out the door my eyes caught sight of him, sitting alone in one of the VIP booths. His head was lying down on the cool marble tables and his hands were clenched around a very empty bottle of Patron Tequila. I slowly approached his slumped position. I didn’t know what to expect. Caius could be intimidating and scary when sober. I didn’t know that exactly I was approaching. I wanted to touch him, comfort him, but thought against it.

“Mr. Ricci?” I lowered my self before him. He slowly looked up to my face. His usually sparkling blue eyes were clouded and hooded from the alcohol, but he was still gorgeous as ever. My breath hitched as he slid his hand across my cheek and into my hair. His touch was so warm and my flesh screamed for his embrace. 

“Seth. My pet. My love.” My eyes closed relishing the words that left his lips. Were those all in a moment of alcoholic induced emotions or genuine? Answers I would not know the until the subsequent hangover wore off. Nevertheless, I allowed my mind and body to pretend it was the real thing. Something genuine I could add to my fantasies for later. 

“Come sir, I will take you home.” I lifted him into my arms, slowly moving him through the rear of the club. 

The drive back to his loft was quiet and he visibly began to sober. Regrettably, as he walked from the desk to the elevators and to his door he no longer needed to hold onto me. I missed his weight pressed into my body and his warm breath tickling my neck as he cradled his head into the curve of my neck and shoulders. Instead, I walked slowly behind him, prepared to catch him if he fell. Once we made it to his door I expected nothing more, seeing as he was sober enough. I stood before his door, eyes cast down.

“Good night, sir.” I turned to leave.

“Seth, won’t you come in?” I slowly turned back to the door lifting my head only enough for him to see my smile. Acknowledging his request by nodding my head. As I walked across his threshold he lifted my chin as to meet my eye. “Call me Caius, love,” he said as he brushed the back of his hands across my cheeks and closed the door.

Caius took me by my hand and led me through the hall. In the months that I had entered this house I never ventured in any other room besides the living room and “The Playroom” but I was certain, upon looking at the large fire place and extra king size bed that I had stepped in the master suite. Caius led me to a black and read leather day seat and sat beside me. My eyes instinctively closed as he began rubbing his hands through my hair as it had become accustomed for me to do.

“Seth, my pet. My love.” Caius began ghosting kisses upon my lips as he barley graced my skin with this own soft lips. Without question, his lips crashed upon mine and his fist was locked onto my hair. This kiss was deep; hungry and needy. His mouth tasted of his priced alcohol and lemons. Sweet and tantalizing. Caius pulled my body closer to his and laid my back down upon the seat. Caius weight quickly increased on top of me; I was sure both from the attack on my lips and his strong frame, the ability to leave was lost.

He quickly pulled me back up from our horizontal position, stood me on my feet, forcibly guiding me to his oversize crimson and onyx bed. No permission was asked as he began stripping me of my few pieces of material. I didn’t know how I felt about being taken so roughly by Caius. I wanted this: to feel his hard cock fill me, to drown in the sweat of our love making. I did want it, I wanted it all. But this was not how I wanted it. Drunk and hands roaming hurriedly were not the making of my dreams. This was all too reminiscent of a nightmare that I could not fully recall. Yet I was not going to stop him. I did not know what awaited me at the end of this tunnel, but I wanted to see it through, even if it would possibly end with me further heart broken.

His lips dominated mine. I played no games of war with Caius about fighting for control; Caius controlled it all; end of story and I happily submitted. Our naked bodies squeezed closer together, hardly allowing our needed breaths to past through us. We both stood on our knees in the center of his bed. He began alternating kisses and lick from my ear lobe down my neck, across my collar bone and down to my nibbles. He took one nipple in his mouth painfully biting down on the overly stimulated nub as he pinched the opposite one. His hands began to slide down my side and across my back. Once they landed on my mounds, he squeezed them each tightly than smacked them. I could feel the blood rush to the surface, coloring his hand print left behind. Caius than took my hand in one of his own as he quickly spun my body lying me face first onto his pillows.

“My love. My pet,” he whispered in my ear as he began worshipping my shoulder blades with smoldering kisses. With his free hand, Caius reached blindly in the basket that sat atop his night stand and pulled out his lube. I heard the familiar “pop” and the cold sensation suddenly on my ass. He began to slide his free hand through the lubrication resting on my body and slowly began teasing my puckered hole, never removing his lips from my body. 

I was filled by his forceful fingers, two at a time as he readied my body. Before I could grow comfortable with the intrusion, he had already entered the third digit, twisting and scissoring my entrance. My body clenched around his fingers and it only made him drive deeper into me. I was already screaming and moaning into the pillow, begging him to fuck me.

“I want to hear you pet.” Caius pulled me by my hair, removing my face from the smothered location. “I want to hear every sound.” Caius slammed his full length deep into my center, letting out a fierce growl. 

“Oh . . . Fuck . . . Caius.” I screamed out as I rocked back into his body. His hand was suddenly at my throat, lightly, but with great authority, applying pressure to my throat. His chest was pressed tightly to my back as his other hand clung to my waist.

“Disrespect will not be tolerated!” He began to pull out completely, I wanted to cry from the emptiness but before my tears could fall I was filled again, pushed with enough force to shake the frame of the bed. He continued to fuck me without restraint. I was being punished.

“Oh sir, it will not happen again. Oh, sir… feels so good.” My words and moans slowed his advance.

“Seth . . . My love . . . Fuck, my pet,” and with a final thrust I could feel his hot seed enter me.   
At the peak of his release he fell onto my back, biting into the skin below my right shoulder blade. The burn was tantalizing. After being taken with such vigor, the act of marking me was almost the catalyst for my plunge over the edge. I was not permitted to cum. In the mist of our romp, we were transported back to Dom and sub, and I would remain there until he released me. After a few moments, Caius came down from his high, removing his now soft cock from my ass. I shuttered from more than just him no longer dwelling deep within me. I felt empty as a whole.

“Seth,” Caius rolled me from my stomach to face him, “I want you back with me.” I was at a lost for words. Surely I was dreaming.

“Permission to ask a question, Sir?” I looked down at his rapidly rising chest.

“Granted, my love.” Caius ran his hand down my jaw line, neck, and shoulders, leaving a trail of heat.

“Are you asking me to return as your sub, Sir?” I closed my eyes anxiously awaiting a response.

“No, Seth,” my breath hitched as I held back tears. I refused to cry in front of him. “I want you as so much more. I want you 24/7. Say you are mine, Seth.”

I couldn’t find the words I needed. I could only nod.

“No, my pet, you must say it.”

“I will stay. I want to stay.” I said clearing the shakiness from my voice. Caius eyes were suddenly glowing in their true crystal blue shade. His smile however, left me feeling uncomfortable. I was getting what I had dreamed about for months, yet I was over whelmed with nerves.

“Good.” Caius flipped me onto my side, pressing my back into his firm chest. He bundled my arms to my body and wrapped his arms around mine, leaving them trapped, pressed into my own body. I could not move without disturbing him and my mind believed that was not a good idea.   
　  
I wouldn’t find out till later exactly how trapped I really was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reads, kudos, and reviews


	6. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where worst begins . . .

Breaking Point

(Seth POV)

My breath fell from my open mouth. I squeezed my eyes tight as my body hummed internally. The tantalizing vibrations shook deep in my body, going straight to my already painfully hard cock. Permission was not granted and I tried desperately to please my Master. He is more than just my Sir, he was my boyfriend and there was no better way to start my weekend: lying exposed across his vibrating bench in his Playroom. But right now he is not my significant other, but my Dom, and he has not granted my release. 

I could feel my dick twitch as it was sandwich between my stomach and the vibrating bench; getting direct contact with the delicious sensation. Master did not have mercy on me and suited me with a cock ring. There was full contact to the pleasure device and even my breathing was causing a reaction as my rising and descending muscle rubs against my length, causing more friction. My breathing became even more ragged as I felt Caius run his hands down my exposed back. I could not stop the whimper that fell from my lips.

“Extraordinary,” Caius uttered as he walked around the bench touching one part of me or another. His fingers would just barely ghost over my skin, only long enough to give his location around me. My eyes stayed tightly closed; trying desperately to control my desire to cum.

“My beautiful boy, we must choose a transition word. Something to indicate we are going from lovers to Master and sub.” I couldn’t speak, too afraid to open my mouth, or breathe for that matter. “Any suggestion?” Just as he finished his question, I felt two fingers enter into me. I didn’t hear the “pop” of the lube cap but I felt the cold gel as he slowly pushed his fingers in and out.

“Oh my god, Master.” I desperately tried to rock back onto his slow ministration but alas both my hands and ankles were locked in place by the leather straps of the vibrating bench.

“Now pet, that is too long for a transition word,” he joked. “Besides, I plan on having you screaming that wonderful phrase quite often. No, that just won’t work.” Caius continued to finger fuck me without mercy. I couldn’t think clearly enough, let alone speak.

“Now, if this is too much of a distraction, I can stop, or you could use your safe word. What is your safeword, Seth?”

“Feather, Master,” I managed to stutter out.

“Would you like to use it, pet?”

“No, Master.” I could feel my release trying to slip through but I was not ready to bow out. This pain was too good.

“Excellent. Now, a transition word.”

“Candle,” I blurted out. Fuck, I was so close.

“Any reason for that choice?” Caius’ knowing strokes my prostate, my sweet spot, eliciting another moan from me.

“No, Master.” My words were barely audible through my breathy response.

“Candle it is then.” Caius continued to stretch me. “You are absolutely gorgeous when you wither like that. Cum for me, Seth.” Permission was granted not a moment too soon as my release was ripped from my body.

“Oh god, Master, thank you.” I basked in the glory of my release. Caius began to rub his hands down my back, kneeing the muscles there. After sometime, he walks around to each restraint and release me. As he unbound the leather from my ankle, he rubes his cool hands around each impression left by the tough material. He than stood in front of the bench, first removing my left wrist. After he rubbed the irritation away he placed a kiss on the inside of my wrist, following the same steps and actions on my right side. Caius helped me down from the bench, pulling me closely to his bare chest. I loved how hard and cool his body was as it was pressed to mine. He lifted my chin to meet his eyes. The look that I saw there was lust, want, even devotion. With his hands still on my chin he guided my face up; pressing his full lips to mine. His cool breathes past before my face as he pulled my bottom lip into his mouth. I could taste sweetness on his tongue and I wanted to stay there in his embrace, in his kiss, forever. But he ended the moment of affection all too soon and the look that was now on his face was far from want and devotion. It was almost a look of anger, and possibly disgust. 

Caius stepped out of our embrace and I immediately dropped my eyes. This was the Caius I had come to know. In a blink of an eye he changed. Thought we had only been together for two months (nine if your count the months were he was only my sir, and I did) I knew this was the true Caius. He would sometimes reward me with his softer side but I wondered how real they really were. 

“Clean up this mess,” he said sternly and walked from The Playroom.

The last two months had been a roller coaster ride. The morning after I saved Caius from the Tequila bottle and he fucked me senseless, Caius acted as if the previous night had not happened. He awoke, ordered me dress and we descended the two flights of stairs to the elevator together. Did he not ask me to stay? Did he not want me now that he was free of the liquor goggles? He did not speak to me, nor touched me until he made it into the elevator. After he pressed the button to descent to the parking deck he pulled me into his arms, wrapping them around me as he pressed me to his chest. My eyes rolled closes as he began to kiss me along my neck and shoulders.

“Are you okay?” He whispered in to my ear.

“Yes, Sir. I’m fine,” I said as I was suddenly drunk by his sweet breathy aroma. He turned my face to look into his eyes.

“We are not in The Playroom, Seth. You may call me Caius.” 

He leaned downs and pressed his lips to mine. Quickly the kiss picked up urgency; Caius turned me around to fully take in my waiting lips. He made no attempt to stop as the elevator doors opened to the parking deck. The ding of the door did not halt his advance either. Had anyone called for the elevator we would have surely traveled back up in the same manner we traveled down. I couldn’t stop smiling as I drove home. The next two weeks were spent between work and Caius bed, but all our time together was not so steamy.

Caius was proving to be a jealous individual even beyond a normal degree. One afternoon he surprised me at work, finding me sitting at the desk of our leading loan officer. Though I explained that Peter was happily married to a woman and had children, Caius still insisted that the man was after me. He was not very happy with me when I laughed at the conversation. His anger grew with each passing moment. Thankfully he didn’t seem to believe I was doing the chasing. I could only imagine how bad that would have turned out. The next day he transferred all of his personal and business accounts to Aro First National Bank and Trust. He insisted on depositing his own nightly earnings with Midnight Sun himself, at my branch, during my shift.

I, for the most part, moved in with Master Caius. Most evenings following work, I would go directly to his place and prepare his dinner. He would always leave later that night to be at Midnight Sun (despite the fact that he had both a general manager and a bar manager). I rarely went to the club with him. I wanted to spend time with my version of Caius and when he was at the club he seemed to be a whole other third person. 

The personalities were getting too much to keep up with. Caius had requested, as my boyfriend, that I be in his bed waiting on him upon his return early the next morning. Though we had no sessions since our relationship began, I always felt that it was best to comply. Sex with Caius was always mind blowing and would be the only time he said anything directly intending to be an order. He would control my release but in the end it was always rewarded. The only hard part of our physical relationship was the hour in which he demanded me. Four o’clock a.m. romps with my boyfriend insatiable appetite was taking a toll on my quality of sleep after only a few weeks. As much as I desired my fuck hot boyfriend, I was truly appreciating my own house and bed. I missed his tight hold on my body when I awoke, however my escape to my own apartment was my time to heal; to breathe without him.

Time in The Playroom had stopped, and while I missed it dearly I was growing to love the way we spent our nights and weekends. I had tried on two different occasions to force Caius into his Master head space but I only angered him. As I unexpectedly kneeled before him in the living room, the first time, and the kitchen the second time, I begged without words for a session. While the act did upset Caius, it did not result in a D/s discipline. Caius simply stood, looked down at my form and asked me to leave, as he made his way to his bedroom or office. He must have stayed in his hiding place until he heard the close of the front door. I didn’t see or hear from him for three day both times. By the end of the second day, I was panicking with anxiety attacks. My mind, heart, and body believed he was done with me, he wanted out. I would cry uncontrollably. On the afternoon of the fourth day I would receive the message.

“In the mood for beef for dinner. 6:30 p.m. –C”

I had been let back in. I never tried him in such away again. It was too dangerous. So, I waited for him to call us into a session. I was beyond thrill when the day came. That officially began all that I wanted: the boyfriend and the Master, all in one. We would be connected in every possible way. My gift to him for finally taking me again as his sub, his pet; I would forever call him Master.

The first time we came together as Dom and sub was hard. I had grown too comfortable with Caius slightly softer side; it was likely the reason he pushed me so. Or at least that was what I kept telling myself. I had maintained my ultra submissive state through daily mediation in preparation for this day to come. Prior to our first reappearance in The Playroom, Caius and I had forgone sex for a week. Needless to say I was aching for release; a reward I was not granted. I had to slip into the deepest recess of my subspace to maintain control of my need and desire to cum. I floated for what seemed to be forever; time was none existent but then I was left alone. I stood a mist The Playroom, sore, alone, and wanting. Caius did not see me down from my high and the resulting sub drop was intensive. My fever and chills came first and immediately. I knew what was happening to me. Charlie, a previous Master, was infamous for invoking such physical illness, but I refused to let Caius see me as weak. Upon dressing and exiting The Playroom, I found Caius sitting at the couch reading his paper.

“Dinner?” Caius questioned only looking from his paper for a millisecond.

“Of course.” Through my light headedness, chill, and roaring fever I cooked my man Lasagna, Caesar Salad, and homemade garlic bread; his favorites. 

When we sat down to eat Caius noticed my shaking hands and the sweat beads that collected on my face. I was fast losing the strength to continue, yet I was determined to remain strong, put on the front until he left for Midnight Sun.

“You’re dropping.” Caius let out a rushed lung full of air. He never stopped eating his dinner. “Go home. You may return once you are well again.”

He did not offer to take me home. He did not suggest he stay in from work so that he may come with me, or care for me. I was being dismissed, again. I did not know if I was being told by my boyfriend or my Master. I quickly and quietly stood, grabbed my keys and left. I did not return for three days. I had no choice but to call on Quil for help. 

I had tried to play it off as just the flu, or something simple like that, but Quil didn’t fall for that. It may have been the fresh stripes on my back, ass, and thighs that gave it away. Or maybe as always Quil just knew me to damn well. Quil was completely aware of my sudden absence from his and Sam’s life. He wanted to argue about it when he discovered that I was seeing Caius on another level. I let him voice his concerns and scream at the top of his lungs, but I said nothing back. I am not sure if I didn’t speak because of the fever, or the fact I just didn’t want to argue over Caius anymore with him. I was with who I wanted to be with and there was nothing Quil could have said that would have changed that. Quil finally got that picture and let it go.

I completed cleaning The Playroom, being sure to wipe every surface. It would definitely pass inspection of my Maser and I would be rewarded. After I completed the clean up I walked back to the front of the house, kneeling before my Master. It had not escaped either of our notice that he had not transitioned back. As he sat upon the couch, flipping through channels, I stood on my knees head down, hands clasped together behind my back. I took steady breaths, slowly and safely coming down from my still current sub high.

“Very good, my pet. You will be rewarded. Candle.” I slowly lowered my hands from my back, rolling my neck to loosen my muscles. I slowly stood to my feet and continued my muscle work out. “Here,” Caius said handing me a bathrobe. 

“Thank you, babe,” I said as I quickly robed. “Are you ready for tonight?” I tried to sit close to him only for him to move away from me. 

“What is there to be ready for? It’s a dinner.” Caius stood running his fingers through his hair and than shoving his hands into his pockets. He was annoyed; not the best emotion for Caius.

“Yeah, but this dinner is important. Quil and Sam are my life.”

“Really? I thought I was your life.” Jealousy quickly gleamed in his eyes. I swiftly stood and closed the gap between us.

“You are, babe. They are, too.” I starred deep into his eyes hoping my devotion showed. I wanted both worlds – Caius and my friends. He hadn’t responded to my statement; the anger, jealousy, and possibly envy, still showing in his deep blue eyes. I stretched onto my toes to reach his full lips. I pressed myself closer to him, awaiting him to return my affection.

Eventually Caius wove his hands into the back of my hair, pulling me closer. He consumed my lips with vigor, not of passion, but declaration. He began to trail kisses down my jaw and below my ear. Suddenly, I could feel his teeth cut into my neck, just below my jaw line; it would be seen by anyone and everyone. There was no hiding the mark with other than a turtle neck, and it was August. Who the hell still wore turtle necks! He was marking me, claiming his territory. I could feel the ruptured blood vessels rushing blood to the surface outlining this declaration. I contained the scream that he elicited. Once satisfied with his efforts, Caius feathered two kisses on the sensitive area as if this was an act of love and not jealousy.

“Let’s get ready,” he said as he looked deeply into my eyes, looking satisfied. Caius walked away leaving me standing there to compose myself.

~xXx~

The drive back home was quiet; eerie. We were on the wrong road, going in the wrong direction. I wanted to be going to his house, to his bed, but instead he was headed to mine. To go to his home meant he wasn’t mad, we would be together, and this night could be forgotten. He never stayed at mine; he wasn’t going to stay this time, either. I quietly looked out the window of the passenger seat, looking into my own eyes, through my reflection of the black glass. I could ignore the look of fear present in my eyes. I flat out looked scared. I wasn’t brave enough to look upon his face. I didn’t want to know what I would find there.

His body language was enough. He continually ran one hand, or the other, through his hair. The furrow never left his brow. Through my side view, I could see him glance in my direction, but he would say nothing. 

I slowly paced up the stairs to my apartment with Caius leading the way. There was no hurry; seeing that door meant that I would be spending the night alone. I was not going to hurry to that. But as it turned out sleeping in my own bed was the least of my worries. I slid into the door only to hear it slam immediately behind me. 

“Candle!” Caius shouted. As if a hammer had been taken to the back of my knees, I feel into position, eyes down. “You have been disrespectful. You allow your Master to be disrespected,” Caius yelled sending fear rolling off my body. “Prepare yourself.” I immediately stood and removed my clothing, taking my place back in the floor. I knew he was upset. I feared that I would be punished.

Conversation was flowing nicely over dinner with Sam and Quil. Caius was more affectionate then even I had seen him before. I was sure it was his need to claim me in front of my friends but I honestly did not care. I would take this Caius any day. That all changed as we began desert.  
My obvious hickey had gone unnoticed (or unmentioned) for the most part over the night. Not that I purposely tried to hide it; there was no hiding the monstrosity. Caius reminded me of its presence constantly through out the night. With any compliment given by Sam or Quil, Caius would run his hand over the fresh impression, sending a searing pain through my neck. A painful reminder to whom I belonged too. I tried desperately to contain my scream or moans of pains. My eyes would water with even the slightest contact of the healing wound; yet no tears fell. But it was essentially Quil who delivered the blow that resulted in my current punishment. 

“So Caius, do you think you can release Seth from his slave hold long enough to hang out with his best friend one day?” Quil looked annoyed and he meant every word that he said. I knew he was still fuming over the sub drop he helped me through; not that he ever liked Caius anyway.

Tension, anger, and embarrassment loomed over the table. I didn’t know what my punishment would be but I knew that it was coming. I took comfort in the hope that I would at least be in his Playroom, in his home. This punishment took all that away.

I was brought out of my recap by a loud whack; wood hitting linoleum. Caius rubbed the object down my back, chest, and ass. I recognized he dark wood as the handle of my broom. Despite my need to be still I couldn’t help but jump.

“Speak,” Caius demanded.

“I apologize, Master. It will not happen again.” I didn’t know what else to say. My punishment was set in stone. 

“Let’s make sure of that.”

~xXx~

I slowly crawled to my clothes lying piled on the living room floor, to reach for my cell phone. Nothing on me was left untouched by his punishment. I lay on the floor motionless as I heard him walk out of the door. He did not help me. He did not show any after care. He did not even tell me to return to him once I was healed and ready this time. The tears did not begin until I was sure the building was free of him. There was only one number I would call, could always call. I pressed the speed dial number, listening to the ring through my sobs.

“Hey! What’s up man? Look I’m sorry ‘bout tonight. Sam tore into my ass when we got into the car,” the voice spoke over the phone.

“Quil . . . Help me.”


	7. Dr. Edward Masen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other side of the life.

Dr. Edward Masen  
(Edward POV)

It was a slow August night in the Emergency Room of Washington Regional Medical Center; which is always a good thing. Two minor car accidents, three women suffering from Braxton Hicks Contractions, and a toddler with a fever. It was a good night to get caught up on chart notes and other paperwork.

My shift was barely half over when the man was drug in by his friend. I was chatting at the nurse’s station and upon seeing the struggle I immediately went to help the man.

“Please help him! He was beaten!”

“No, I wasn’t! I’m fine. I don’t even want to be here.”

From his words alone we would have accepted his wishes. We can’t treat anyone who doesn’t want to be treated, but nano seconds after uttering the final word his body went limp. The friend barely had the strength to hold up the unassisted weight.

“Oh my god. PLEASE,” the friend shouted as the nurse ran towards us with a wheelchair, pushing our new patient to his room.

“Sir, my name is Dr. Edward Masen. Have you had anything to eat or drink tonight? Have you taken any recreational drugs, prescriptions, or over the counters?”

“No, nothing like that,” he barely whispered.

“Can you tell me your name, sir?”

He didn’t answer, only looking back and forth between me and the nurse assisting. He was tense, ignoring my questions. He had no intentions on answering.

“Seth, His name is Seth Clearwater,” the concern friend said standing only a few feet away from his friend’s bed. “Look at his back. He was beaten by his worthless ass boyfriend.”

Seth was obviously weak but used all his remaining strength to try and get off the bed. It didn’t take much for the nurse and me to lay him back down. 

“Mr. Clearwater, I’m going to slowly roll you over to look at your back, okay? I just need to look.”

Seth’s eyes were furious and the animosity was aimed solely at his friend. It was then I realized how gorgeous he was. His eyes were slight gray and contrasted his russet skin. His cheeks were dusted red with anger and possibly embarrassment. The additional color to his smooth creamy skin and the furor on his brow made it hard to age him. His hair was just past the lobe of his ear and was shinning black. I couldn’t help but notice his distinguished muscle that suited his small frame. He was without a doubt handsome. I knew then that I wanted him. As his eyes eased I couldn’t help but notice the sadness that was there. I knew that look: The look of a battle lost, and the will to keep fighting long gone. He nodded his head in agreement to my needed task.  
I slowly and easily rolled him to his left side as the nurse raised his shirt to his shoulders.

“What the hell?” he nurse said as the sight. She quickly adjusted herself when she saw the glare I gave her. Damn nurses had no respect, although I understood her shock, nonetheless.

I didn’t have to ask what it was. I knew the scares of a session that went too far. It was a life style I lived, though my Sir knew and respected my limits. I treated the many patients with the same . . . conditions.

Seth’s back was covered in swollen, red welts. Some of the scars broke the skin. Where the welts had not formed, or gone down, laid black, blue, and purple bruises.

“Nurse, I need Neosporin antibacterial cream, gauze, and medial tape. Also bring some respect back with you when you return.” I made sure my anger laced through my words. At least she had the decency to look remorseful for her earlier comment. Once the nurse exited the room, Seth’s friend took her place on the opposite side of Seth’s bed.

“Mr. Clearwater, I need you to sit straight up for me.” Seth rolled his head in my direction, looking quite defeated but nodded his head with acceptance. “Sir,” I said looking at the man standing across from me, “what is your name?”

“Quil.” He seemed to sound relived that someone was going to help. Quil and Seth looked as if they could be related. They shared the same shiny black hair, though Quil’s was cut short above his ears. They also had matching russet skin. Quil was handsome as well, but he had nothing on Seth’s boyish good looks. 

“Quil, I need you to help me take off Seth’s shirt. Try not to move him very much.” Quil nodded his head. We managed to slowly remove the clothes, Only to reveal more open scares and bruised skin on Seth’s chest. I closed my eyes trying to hold back my anger. 

“Seth, what the fuck? This has got to stop!” Quil words surprised me. He wasn’t shocked at the scars, or questioned what they were. He lived this life too. His words answered the question that I needed to ask: Has this happen before? 

“Quil, please not now.” Seth kept his eyes closed drawing in shaky breath. He was on the edge of both an emotional and physical break down. 

Just then the nurse returned with my supplies. “Nurse Mallory, will you please escort Quil to the coffee machine and lounge?” I waited until they exited the room to address Seth.

“Mr. Clearwater, were you attacked?” he didn’t answer. “Mr. Clearwater, I know you weren’t attacked but I had to ask.” I began to slowly and carefully apply the ointment to the broken skin. His skin was as smooth as his russet color was creamy. I could imagine myself messaging the hot flesh night after night, the way it was meant to be done. Seth’s shoulders would rise with each contact to the open wounds. I knew the cream was going to sting like hell but they needed to be cleaned to keep from becoming infected. “So why didn’t you use your safeword?” I tried to sound as nonchalant as I possibly could. 

Seth body immediately tensed and I knew it was not from my application of the healing balm. He ran his hands through his hair a few times, letting out an exasperated breath. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” he said as his head dropped farther into his chest.

“Of course you don’t.” Embarrassment rolled off Seth; he didn’t want anyone to know.

But what didn’t he want to confess to: the life style that he lived or the abusive Master he was under? Yet, I sympathized with his dilemma; people judge what they don’t understand. 

“Well if you did know what I was talking about than you would know what I mean by no sessions for at least two weeks? You would also know what I meant by a safeword is for your safety and a Master who punishes you for using it is not a good Master.” I placed the last gauze and medical tape on his torso, covering the worst of his wounds.

“Mr. Clearwater, I am giving you my card with my cell number. If you need someone to talk about . . what this is not, please call me.”

I assisted Seth with putting his clothes back on; such a shame, even covered in scares his body was to beautiful to be hidden below feeble material. I discharged him with cleaning instructions and extra ointment. He didn’t take me up on my offer. He never looked back as Quil assisted him out of the same ER doors he had been drug through just over an hour earlier. I found my card left on the table of his exam room.

I couldn’t get Seth off my mind for the remainder of my shift that night at the ER. My thoughts kept wondering to soft gray eyes filled with pain. The rest of the night was as slow as it had begun, leaving me with plenty of time to think back on my handsome patient. It was not like me to fantasize about patients, and I’ve had some hot ones, but I couldn’t make myself stop with Seth. I wanted to know the man beneath he scars. What was his past? Why did he allow someone to hurt him in such a way? I couldn’t imagine the person who would want to scar a masterpiece such as Seth. 

I wasn’t naïve. I knew abuse existed in this life. To often the handles of control are misplaced to an abusive Dom and the world so many loved turns into just another story of domestic violence. Lives were lost and stole because of lack of control. Too many had it backwards; it wasn’t the one yielding the whip that had the power; it was the one on the receiving in. Power always should be with the submissive one. With one word, the submissive could end the pain, or the pleasure. But all too often the sub is too afraid to show their weakness, afraid to upset the Dom, his Sir, his Master, and in the end endure far more than he or she is capable, successfully shifting the control to the Dom. It is the Dom’s job to give that control back to the sub, not to extort it, using it against their sub. Once the Dom does such a thing the relationship is successfully altered for good and can no longer serve the purpose: pleasing all parts of the make up of mankind-mind, body, and soul. It was because of these petulant Doms, BDSM had such a bad stigma attached. The world sees those of us who submit as spineless, less of a human, wanting to be degraded. If the world only knew how many of our judges, prominent lawyers, government officials, doctors (cough) bowed to the hands of another man, or woman. We had power at work and when you look at it, we had it in our beds as well. 

I quietly packed up my things that next morning to head home for a few hours of sleep. I prayed bruised and bleeding russet skin would not haunt my dreams. When I finally closed my eyes I said a silent pray that Seth was somewhere safe, at least for the day. Fuck! I wish he had taken my card at least. I crawled in bed trying desperately to get some sleep. I had my own appointment I had to get to later in the day and I didn’t want to be distracted.

~xXx~

I could feel it all being pulled away. The stress. The worries. With each kiss of the flogger against my tense back, I could imagine the world away and I loved it. The pain, the pleasure of it, was all that I could hear and feel within my body. The sensation of the sting took over my body, blocking all other thoughts. The only reaction to the tantalizing burn was my hardening cock, as my body fought off the natural response to cum. My Dom knew what he was doing. The flogger was my favorite tool of the trade. He was pushing me, forcing my sub space as he knew I would never cum without permission.

Demetri was a skillful Sir; after being at his hand for just over six months he knew me well and pushed me consistently. Demetri could take only one session and know what to suggest to his submissive, or what automatically wouldn’t work. Session time with him was like no other Sir I had. Upon learning I liked soft rock music he began playing it low in the background during our sessions in The Dungeon (as he liked to call it). The music would just be loud enough for me to strain to hear it. Thought Demetri was skillful and rewarding, he also punished toughly. My music would be my first reward to go when chastisement was in order. For being respectful, and pushing my limits, Demetri would glide his massive hand from the base of my neck up towards my jaw line and just as his hand fully swept my neck he would run his fingers gracefully onto my lips, ghosting over them. He was the perfect mix of strong, forceful, teaching, pushing, and demanding respect; and he was not bad on the eyes.

I would definitely date Demetri; hell I've tried to date Demetri. Standing at six foot three, he was two hundred and eighty pounds of glorious muscles. Knowing my physical attraction to him, I believed Demetri also counted it as my reward when he would come to session wearing no shirt, no shoes, and low riding cargo shorts. It was not the image I needed as I tried to keep from cumming. His eyes were both the shape and colors of almonds. They were deep and passionate when he was in his head space as a Master, yet they were easy and full of life when he sat around drinking beers. He was beautiful and I fantasized many times about running my fingers through those black loose curls on his head. Yet he refused me.

It was the only thing missing from our relationship: actual romance. But there was no romance to be had as Demetri and I were nothing more than Dom and sub. I longed for a more intimate relationship; someone to come home to after long nights at the Emergency Room. Ironically, it was because of that exact reason I didn’t date much. Working as an ER physician took up much of my time and I didn’t go out much. I hardly ever met anyone new. So I just enjoyed my time with my extraordinarily hot Dom . . . and wished.

I didn’t take it personally when Demetri turned me down. He was honest from the beginning; he did not date or collar any of his subs. I suspected he had a secret lover but I’ve never met the lucky bastard. Demetri had two other subs beside me: Collin and Brady. We all hung out as a group every so often. They were great associates to have actually. Collin was a police officer and Brady was a real estate salesman. We all joked about how we all made a move for our fuck hot Dom when we met out for drinks. But even now with Demetri sporting nothing more than a black “A” shirt my mind was else where, think of creamy brown skin and gray eyes.

“You are doing quite well today Edward.” I could hear Demetri putting away the flogger. He walked back to my kneeling position . He unbuckled my left writs restraint, slowly and carefully rotating my wrist, then my elbow, and finally my shoulder. He continued the action on my right arm. As I straighten my back I could feel him kneeing the muscles around my shoulder blades. Demetri took extra care to not over strain his subs, to care for their needs. I wandered if I could find Seth, maybe I could get him to Demetri; allow him to see how it should be done, what a proper Sir does. Demetri helped me to my feet and walked me to a firm leather mattress, guiding me by my arms, interlocked behind my back. He pressed my hips down, forcing me to sit on the soft, yet small bed. 

“Edward, I believe it is time we tried out one of your limits. You have exceeded all of my toys thus far and we cannot have you getting comfortable. Or board.” Demetri unhooked my arms from behind my back and softly pulled me to lie on my stomach on the cool mat. I thought over my list of limits. There were few things that I refused to try but I was generally open to new ones. As my mind came up blank over and over again, Demetri restrained my arms in the leather belts on the side of the bed. 

“Close your eyes Edward. I am placing something in front of your face. What does this smell like?” I could feel the heat rise off the object in question. The aroma was familiar, but still lost to me. It smelled as warm as its residual heat felt on my face, yet it also smelled comforting. 

“It smells so familiar, Sir, but I can not place it.” I took one more deep breath in but still was lost as to what it could be. 

“This is wax, Edward. I am sure you remember us discussing other means of sensory arousal.” As Demetri spoke I could feel his hand run down my back, over my mounds and back up. “Do you agree to let me use this on you, my boy?”

I had never played with wax before. The idea of it was enticing. A rush of heat followed quickly by the cooling sensation of the rapidly cooling wax. I was ready for this. 

“Yes Sir, please.” I left my eyes closed, preparing for the sensation.

“Very good then. Now, this will be hot and leave red marks on your skin but it will not burn you. I will start with the palms of your hands. Being that it is one of the toughest areas of skin on the human body, you will feel the heat but it will slowly get you ready for your other more sensitive areas. Do you trust me Edward? What is your safe word?”

“Yes Sir, I trust you. My safeword is book.” 

“Do not be afraid to use it. I suspect we will have to try this several times before you can get through the entire session.”

I could sense Demetri large form above me. He turned both of my palms up and I could feel him standing at the head of the mat. 

“Deep breaths, Edward.” Then I felt the searing heat hit the palm of my hands. The wax oozed from the wand in strings across my palm, successfully continuing the pain while the other areas cooled. 

“Aagh. Fuck!” I screamed out of turn.

“Breath Edward. I am moving to your back.” All the mention of the words I could feel my cock twitch below me. “Ready Edward? Now.”

Heat. Pain. Delicious sensations roared through the center of my back. My eyes rolled through the back of my head as I held my world together with nothing more than deep breaths. Stillness had always been my weakness and it reared its head again as I arched my back off the mat, burying my head into the black plastic of the mat.

“Edward, talk to me.”

“I’m good. Fuck, please don’t stop.” I had discovered a new favorite. I could feel where the wax had harden, sending coolness to the once pained zone. Before my body could relax back from the tension of the pain caused, Demetri would drop more of the molten liquid on a new unexpected area. Just as I thought I was in sub utopia, Demetri dropped the overwhelming ooze onto the small of my back.

“Ooooh . . . Fuck yes . . . Book!” I screamed as I felt my release rip from my tense body. I continued to bury my face as I rode out my physical high; pulling against my arms restraints. I could feel Demetri’s strong hands on my forearms assuring me he was still there. I continued my deep breathing, until my sight slowly returned to me. 

“How are you feeling, Edward?” Demetri continued the message down my back.

“Good. Really good, Sir. Forgive me for my stolen release.”

“You did fine, my boy. I expected you to react tensely and you used your safeword. You did beautifully. Continue your breathing while I get you cleaned up.” I could only nod my head in agreement. 

~xXx~

August was coming to an end and I couldn’t help but think about the gorgeous man I met in my ER exactly two weeks ago. His smoldering eyes had starred in my fantasies, yet his battered skin was featured in my nightmares. I wanted to see him again, but under much different circumstance. Never again did I want to see his sad eyes. Pleasured eyes. Happy eyes. That was what I wanted to see. The thought of a happy Seth for whatever reason mad me happy as well. 

I was walking back to my office after retrieving a snack from the vending machine. I noticed Dr. Cullen was having a difficult time getting answers out of a patient. I slowed my walk thinking the man hiding his face seemed familiar to me. I shot a glance across the waiting room to fine an anxious Quil, bouncing his knee and biting his nails. When his eyes locked with mine he relaxed instantly, but my shoulders dropped from the new weight. I threw away my granola bar and knocked on the door of exam room three.

“Dr. Cullen why don’t you take your break. I will wrap this up for you.” It was a known rule that doctors complete their own exams. My presence meant this was something more, and Doctor Cullen understood.

“Thank you doctor,” he said as he walked passed me laying his hand on my shoulder. “Good luck,” he whispered in my ear, “someone is without a doubt hurting this young man but he refuses to talk about it.” I nodded my head in understanding. I knew all too well what was going on with him.

I closed the door behind Dr. Cullen and drew the curtain on the open glass wall. I took one final look into Quil’s eyes hoping to convey I would help his friend. Seth never looked up into my face, but I could see he knew it was me. That he remembered me.

“May I look, Seth?” He never verbally answered the question, only easily raising his arms to that I may remove his shirt. The signs were there all over again. Instrument of choice this time must have been a cane. Given that it had been only two weeks since I saw Seth for the first time, he was not supposed to be a part of any sessions. Yet, as clear as day, across hardly, and some not at all, healed wounds were fresh stripes of his canning. I couldn’t be sure but he was punished with at least twenty whacks. 

“Seth,” I gasped. He never said a word. Without calling for a nurse’s aid I quickly and quietly retrieved gauze, Neosporin, novacaine ointment and a small script of pain pills.I quietly dressed his wounds being as gentle as possible. Sometimes I couldn’t be gentle enough as I cleaned his oozing skin and Seth would flinch away.

“Seth, if I ask you a question will you be honest with me?” I said as I completed his dressing. He simply nodded his head. None of the anger from the last visit was present with him anymore. He seemed even more defeated than our last encounter. I wanted to hear his voice but I settled for what I got. “Are you taking any kind of drugs? Are you addicted to anything?” I had to make sure. I needed to be sure of where the abuse with his Master stopped, or how he was coping with the pain he was surly to always be in.

Seth shot his eyes in my direction forgetting the use of his back muscles was going to be painful for a while.

“No, Edward. Nothing like that,” he said turning his face back away from me. Seth’s voice was heavy with pain and sadness still. The sound of my name from his lips was arousing. I didn’t know why he referred to me as Edward rather than Dr. Masen, but I wanted to hear it again. And again . . . And again. Seth was trusting me. He was wanting me to know that he trusted me and he wanted me to trust him.

“The pain pills will help with your back,” I said passing him the bottle holding five small pills. “I will not write you another one.” I pulled my card out of my pocket again. I was hopeful that he would accept my offer this time. I was attracted to Seth, no question, but this was about saving a life. I didn’t want to see him hurt any longer.

“This is my card. My home phone, address, and cell phone are on the back. Seth, I am begging you to call me if you need me. Please, Seth. This can not continue.” I paused before I could reveal what I feared for Seth. I didn’t want to scare him but he needed to know. “Seth, if you don’t get help from somewhere, he will kill you.”

I walked around to face the fallen angel, seeing one tear roll away from his eyes. “Hey,” I pulled his chin up to meet his eyes, “I can help you. I want to help you.” Seth looked as if he wanted to tell me everything that very moment, but alas, he hesitated. Nonetheless, I could see in his eyes that my words stuck this time. I was remorseful to remove my hand from his face; cupping his soft cheeks before sliding my fingers away from his gorgeous skin. His cheeks found their red shading again and I couldn’t help but smile. He was absolutely beautiful and breathtaking. He had to know that.

I helped him redress and unfortunately discharged him. I wanted to keep him there, admit him or still him away to myself so that I would at least know that he was safe. I needed to keep him safe. It never paid to get this close to a patient but I had to; Seth depended on me. He just hadn’t seen it yet. 

This time, as Quil assisted his fragile friend back out of the Emergency Room's doors, Seth looked back.

I prayed that it was him finally moving forward.


	8. Surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So many surprises

(EPOV)

Off days were few and far between at the hospital. Being a doctor who was not only willing, but chose, to work the overnight shift in the Emergency Room made me a rare and hot commodity. Washington Regional was greatly understaffed.

I sat in my favorite leather recliner sipping Zinfandel Wine; listening to Clair De Lune wearing nothing more than a pair of old scrub pants. What could I say, those things were sinfully comfortable. I allowed my mind to wonder and as was too common for me over the last month, it settled on a memory of creamy brown skin and sad gray eyes. I thought of the gorgeous man way too often. I pleasured myself on lonely nights with thoughts of Seth’s full lips shaped in a seductive “O” as I watched my harden member disappear into his warm tight ass, until it ripped pleasure from my body. 

Just than a hard knock on my door startled me back to a lonely reality.

I approached the door and looked out the two way mirror glass at eye level. The person standing before my door sent both panic and excitement roaring through me. I ran my fingers through my untamable hair and quickly contemplated if I should bother putting on a shirt. I knew his presence meant something was wrong yet I had a tinge of hope he may have come just to see me, or to talk. Never did I receive the notion that he was attracted to me, that he wanted me, but than again we hadn’t met under the best of circumstances. Our relationship was nonexistent other than as doctor and patient, yet my narcissistic nature won out. I wanted him to see me bare. I wanted to be exposed to him. I wanted to, dare I say, entice him. It wasn’t the best idea to get involved with him, but I was drawn to this man. I wanted him, plain and simple. 

I opened the door quickly, leaving the smile that had framed my face for him to see.

“Seth!” My voice was laced with the excitement to see him out side the hospital. Just how I wanted to see him. Almost.

Slowly, Seth lifted his eyes from his feet. The light from my porch refracted the glisten of his tear ridden face. I immediately stepped towards him and took him into my arms. The excitement that was previously on my face and in my voice was gone. I didn’t know him beyond his name yet everything in me screamed to touch him. I needed to comfort him and show him someone could care for him and wanted him. My heart and soul leaped for joy when he crushed me back into his chest. I had a clear four or five inches over him, placing him at the perfect height to fall face first into my waiting shoulder; burying his face into my exposed skin. He ran his fingers through the hair at the nape of my neck. His touch was so intimate and I never wanted it to end. I would feel his fingers there long after they were gone. The feel of him so close warmed me through my core and my mind and body warred: Do I take him how I want him; sprawled out before me in my bed, hands and mouths roaming freely or do I treat him as my patient whose safety and well-being are my number one concern? I was jumping to conclusions. First I had to know why he was there.

I assumed his body was injured in some way or another, if not from new inflected scars than from the wounds I treated just the week before. I pulled him closer into my body, only holding him gently by his hips. From an on looker we had to be a vision of reuniting love, but apparently my gentle embrace was not enough for Seth. He pulled away from my frame, eyes searching for something in my own face. Something that he could not find. My body immediately missed the feel of his warm skin on my exposed chest.

“I . . . I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here,” he said turning to walk away, back towards his car. Seth’s shoulder slumped, eyes falling back to his feet.

“Seth, No! What . . . What did I do? I don’t want you to go.” The need and sincerity in my voice surprised even me. I didn’t want Seth to go; I cared about his health and well-being and if he was here that meant those things were in danger somehow. Yet, my body and soul wanted so much more. My tone was dripping with want of Seth’s presence and need of Seth’s body. The feeling flooded me suddenly; I had no intention in revealing that and hoped Seth didn’t hear it in my voice. I wanted Seth to stay for so many confusing reasons. I wanted him to let me take him passionately, to learn how to care for him. For now, I settled for pulling him into my house.  
I walked backwards over the threshold of my front door, clinching his hands in mine, never taking my eyes off his face. He never lifted his head up from his view of his shoes. I closed the door behind us quickly and closed the space between us. I still approached his body cautiously, not knowing the extent of his injuries. His face fell back into the crock of my neck. It felt like he belonged there; he fit perfectly into the creases of my waiting body.

“I am sorry to bother you. I need . . . I.” I had begun to get nervous. “I called the hospital first. I didn’t want to be seen by anyone else. They said you were off tonight. He keeps hurting me. I . . . I don’t know why.” The tears had begun to flow freely. I could feel the warm liquid as it rolled from his eyes onto the cooler skin of my shoulder. Seth had begun to tremble and my hand was reaching to pull him closer; in my arms he could forever be protected. “I shouldn’t have come here and bothered you. I’ll go,” Seth said stepping away from my hold and gentle touches; stepping around me for the door. He was defeated; I could hear it in his voice.

With every word that came from Seth’s mouth my feelings changed. I was surprised that Seth didn’t want another doctor, but it quickly turned to anger to hear he was hurt yet again. I suspected as much but it didn’t deter my anger or ready my heart for the blow, nor prepared me to actually hear it come from his lips. Seth kept returning to his abuser and for what reason would he stop abusing Seth? He still held power over Seth and while I was glad he sought out help, especially from me, it also nailed home the fact that I was no more than his doctor. I would have to put my thoughts and feeling for Seth aside. I couldn’t run him away because of my own feelings. Helping him was most important. He was important, not my desire to have him.

Before he could get around me, make it to the door, I managed to step in front of him. I lightly placed my hand on his chest to stop his advances. Seth didn’t try to move away again but he still had not met my eye. I knew I would find sadness there yet in still I lifted his chin so that I could finally see his beautiful face full on. I stared into the soul of a lost man, hoping my own eyes would will him into seeing how much I cared. I don’t know how long I stood with Seth, him half in my arms and half reaching for the door to leave.

I slowly began unbuttoning Seth’s shirt, never taking my eyes off his. Seth closed his eyes, releasing a long sigh as I slowly undressed him. I slid his shirt down his arms exposing his partly bandaged torso. The gauze were clean and I couldn’t tell yet if they were covering old or new scars. It had only been a week since I patched him up last. I knew those scars should have been healing nicely if he had been keeping them this clean, but Seth said the asshole kept hurting him. I didn’t know what to expect below the white rectangles. I slowly ghosted my fingers down the bandages onto his body.

Even with scars of abuse, Seth’s russet body was enticing. I slid my hand down his partially exposed “V” as his jeans hung low on his waist. The sensitive skin was so responsive to my touch, as I could feel the goose bumps on Seth’s arms and he pulled in a quick breath. Seth eyes flew open immediately meeting mine, darken by lust. I was sure my own eyes mirrored his. I knew it wasn’t right, I knew nothing of his relationship with his Master other than the prick was an abusive asshole. At the hospital Quil called him Seth’s boyfriend, yet Seth never wore a collar of any sort to signify that their Master/sub relationship was exclusive. How serious were they? Did Seth love this maniac? Was that why Seth kept going back to him? This must have been the power he held over Seth. Seth was off limits for so many reasons but I didn’t care; I wanted him in my life and in my bed. I wanted him in my arms as he was already in my heart forever. I wanted us to be there for each other. 

Yet and still, I regained my control. I trailed my fingers back up his rock hard six pack covered torso and across his collar bone as I walked around behind him to continue my . . . exam. His shoulders were strong and broad, meant to hold up his head high. Somehow that ability was taken away from Seth. I didn’t know if it was the current abusive Master or if it started earlier in his past, but someone had stripped him of his self esteem; made him feel that he had to take what was being thrown at him.

The bandages on his back were not as well kept as the ones on his front. The gauze were socked through with blood. Some were barely hanging on, they were so saturated. I had to clean them immediately or infection would soon set in. I carefully began removing them, careful not to tug on his skin or the wounds. It was then that I realized that while Seth had come to me tonight it was not the first time he had been assaulted by his Master since I treated him last. The wounds from the last visit at the hospital should have been fading by now, yet Seth’s back was riddled with bruises and wounds in various stages on healing. Seth had been beaten several times over the last week. For whatever reason he had only got to escape tonight. My anger flared again deep within me. I didn’t know how much more I was going to be able to contain it.

“He found out I went to the hospital again.” Seth’s voice broke through the silence between us. “He wasn’t very happy when I went the first time. He said I must be going there to see my new boyfriend.” Seth huffed out a short breath, “As if you would have me.”

I halted the removal of the bandages from Seth’s body. Now was not the time to tell him not only would I have him but I wanted him right then. I wanted to save him from the Master that was hell bent on ending his life. But it was not the time and at that moment I was happy that I stood behind him. I didn’t want Seth to read my desire for him on my face or in my eyes. I didn’t want him to think that my desire for him was out of pity as his low self esteem would likely make such an assumption. But it didn’t matter as my silence must have convinced Seth he was correct in his assessment of me. His head hung further but luckily he did not make any motion to move, or leave me again. 

“I told him that I had to heal before I could have another session. He said this was not a session but a lesson in respect. He didn’t even use our transition word and my safeword did nothing to protect me.” Seth began to shake his head. I knew he could see the memory of it playing out behind his eyes. I wanted to wipe that pain away. Take it all away from him.

Seth cleared his throat and tried to steady his breathing. Running both my hands down both his shoulders, I than took him by his left hand and led him to the living room. I sat him down on the couch as I took a seat on the ottoman before him, taking both his hands into mine. Seth wouldn’t look me in my eye. I couldn’t read from him if the reasons was because of shame or he was still seeing the horrible event playing out in his own mind.

“He left me there, bleeding and broken on my bedroom floor. He didn’t say another word to me. When I was able to finally stop crying I felt like I had no where to go. No one to turn to. I was alone.”

“What about Quil? Does he know where you are or what’s happened?” I moved my face trying desperately to meet his hidden eyes. He would never be alone as long as I was there. “You can always come to me Seth. You are not alone, ever.” I squeezed his hands to reassure him. “Why didn’t you call Quil or me? You are so badly injured; your blood pressure is dangerously low. You could have fainted or gone into shock while driving.”

“I didn’t want to bother Quil with this any more. Honestly, I didn’t want to hear his ‘I-told-you-so’ right now. I just . . . when I was finally able to stand I cleaned the wounds in the front. I couldn’t reach the one in the back.” His eyes finally met mine after his extensive study of the carpet in the living room. They were red and sunken in from his crying. They housed nothing more than sadness and fear; a fraction of the man I knew Seth could have been. “I guess I need help.”

The double meaning did not elude me. I squeezed both Seth’s hands giving him a sad smile.

“Stay here.” I stood, only then letting go of Seth’s hands as if he would bolt for the door as soon as I released him.

My years of enjoying BDSM, and my practice as a doctor, gave me the knowledge to develop my own personal after session care kit: cooling Aloe Vera gel, cocoa butter cream, and deep moisturizing cream. Post session tension should always be alleviated with a nice long soak in a hot bath, and was highly recommended. For any further release Icy-Hot would do the trick. This was my contribution to the world I so loved to live and I shared it with everyone I knew could benefit from it, including my own Sir, Demetri. Now Seth would know it too. I could see that Seth’s Master didn't practice any kind of after care and when I could no longer convince Seth to stay, or he felt it was time to leave; I would at least take comfort in knowing he could care for himself when his Master so obviously refused to. I wanted him to continue to come to me, but we were a long ways from that. 

I didn’t want to be too forward but a hot soak would have done Seth a whole hell of a lot more good than Icy-Hot; it would also ensure I could get him to stay longer. I began running water in my Jacuzzi bath tub in hopes I could persuade him to stay. After the tub filled, I returned to the living room to find Seth not only exactly where I left him, but in the exact same position; hands slight extended as they were when I held them, back bent forward, head hung low, and eyes staring into nothing.

“Seth?” I placed my hands back into his, pulling him up as his eyes came back into focus. “You really need to loosen your muscles and get these wounds cleaned. I ran you a bath, if you don’t mind.” He simply closed his eyes and nodded his head.

I lead him to the bathroom inside of my bedroom. “I will wait for you in my room where I can properly dress your wounds. I have some scrubs you can wear.” I placed a towel on the counter and began to walk out to give him his privacy.

“Edward,” Seth called to me, reaching for my hand. I turned back to acknowledge him only to find he had quickly closed the space between us, our chest were only centimeters apart. I could feel the body heat from his chest and his stomach would graze mine with each exhale of breath. Seth’s eyes were cast down but began to ease up to meet mine. A storm was brewing there and his gray orbs were more intense than I had ever seen them. I was lost in their swirling glaze as I work to steady my breath against the lust, passion and desire that was stirring in my own core. “Will you please stay with me? I don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course, Seth.” There was no place I would have rather been than by his side. I took a seat on the far end of the tub. Far enough away I could remind myself that I could not step into the tub with him, pressing him into my chest and arms, loving away all of his pain.

I tried desperately not to watch as Seth revealed his scarred and chiseled body. Besides his back and chest, Seth had the evidence of past scars on his upper thighs and ass. He had been in our world for years from what I could tell. Or was I looking at more evidence of abuse? I wondered if they were all at the hands of the same Master. Seth lowered himself into the steaming bath, flinching from the contact.

“Sorry if it is too hot, but you really need the muscle release.”

“No, it is fine. Thank you.”

Silence fell between us. Seth visibly began to relax to the effects of the steaming water. I gave up on the fight to keep from touching him. I had to take the chance. I took a new sponge from its drawer along the front of the tub and moved to the opposite end where I could reach him. I began to softly drip water down his neck and back. Seth’s breath caught in his throat but he never spoke and never moved to stop my actions. I continued and for the first time since I met Seth his head hung in the pleasure I could feel rolling off of him. I cleaned every surface of him. I washed his hair with my winter green shampoo, smiling when he moaned as I scratched his scalp with my low nails. I had quickly become addicted to his sounds of pleasure. They too would be starring in my fantasies of him and I wanted to do more to hear them. I slowly drug the sponge over his flaccid cock and was rewarded with another sigh. Seth did not respond verbally to my touch of his member but his body welcomed it, instantly hardening. My mouth watered to taste him. I ached to smell his manliness so close, but I didn’t want to hurt Seth and he had other things to deal with beside my added obsession and desire for him. I didn’t want to make things worst for him with his Master, and surely an affair, no matter how brief would have done just that, and a brief affair was far from what I wanted with this man. The bath was already so much, though he clearly enjoyed it. If he would allow me I would do it for him every day.

I escorted him out of the cooling water, wrapping him in the Egyptian cotton towel; he followed as I led him to my bedroom. I was ecstatic that he allowed me to dry him off from head to toe; I never wanted to remove my hands from his body. I then laid him on my Queen size bed were my skin care regime awaited.

“Sit,” I instructed. Immediately, I regretted my words as they sounded too much like a command from a Master. That was the last thing Seth needed; someone telling him what to do, yet he did as he was instructed. 

I began rubbing the Aloe Vera, cocoa butter and moisturizer combination down his injured chest. Where there were no new and open wounds, I applied as much pressure as he could handle. Were his skin had been broken; I continued to pat dry with his towel and coated with liquid band-aids to help seal them. I wanted so badly to finalize every regiment completed with a kiss to the wound, to heal it with compassion as well, but yet again I resisted. Seth was unknowingly testing all of my control that night.

“Will you roll over, Seth?” I asked in a less demanding tone. I continued to work over his body providing the same care as I did his chest.

The wounds on his legs had long since healed and left scars, but I didn’t want to remove my hands from his well sculpted frame. I continued my ministration down his legs, to his calves and along his firm ass, completing with each foot. Seth had finally completely relaxed and was on the brink of sleep. The more eased Seth seemed so much more befitting in comparison to the broken man I had seen three too many times.

I worshipped his body in utter silence, only listening to Seth’s moans and sights that were going straight to my cock. I committed the feel of his body to memory as if he would never return to me and I would never be given such permission again, and I very well might not have. I didn’t know if he would ever return to me. Worst, I didn’t know if he was only using me. I wanted him to want me as more than just his doctor, at least as his friend, though I wanted so much more of him. I wanted to help him, be there for him, however he needed me to be, but I couldn’t deny how heart broken I would be if he was to utter the words that we could never be more. I would be shattered and would have nothing more than the memories of his firm skin and sexy sounds to sooth the burning hole that would without a doubt claim my heart.

Never had anyone had so much control over me in such a short amount of time.

Seth’s moan were soon replaced with shallow breathing letting me know he was a sleep. I slid a pair of scrub pants over his naked body and left his wounds un-bandaged to allow them to completely air dry. I watched as the angel lay before me sleeping. I was hypnotized by the rising and falling of his back, each movement causing the muscles in his shoulder blades to flex. I just wanted to lick him.

Unsure of how long my control would have lasted had I stayed in that room, I made my way back to the living room. I could not help but continue to contemplate my feeling for Seth. They were all so new and unexpected, they left me feeling exposed. My mind argued it was just my desire for companionship. It had been so long since anyone had lain in my bed or I washed with love and care. My last boyfriend, Riley, and I broke up over two years ago. I hadn’t seriously dated since and my release was brought about by my own hand, or a Dom. While I loved the feel of the floggers and paddles bringing me to unspeakable orgasms, I longed for a more intimate, private touch as well. I wanted to feel a body pressed to mine as he withered with pleasure beneath me. I missed the feel of someone giving me themselves completely as I released my self between their clenched walls. I was greedy; I wanted the best of both worlds. I knew of some who had it and I wanted to be one of them. While my mind placed my desire for Seth on loneliness, my body called it something else: need.

I needed to care for someone. I needed to be made whole by someone. And while I met a great deal of hot fuckable guys in my day, there was something about Seth that was different, and I could sense it instantly. Maybe it was his deep eyes or his young face. Maybe it was his ability to fight and willingness to be loyal even when it was not helping him, rather it was killing him. Maybe my heart knew something or recognized something I had yet to learn about Seth. My soul had recognized its long lost better half. I didn’t know what "it" was but “it” was there and it was strong.

I sat on the couch long enough contemplating until I felt myself being taken by my own sleep. I wasn’t sure how long I was out but I was awoken by movement on the space beside me. It was Seth.

“Do you mind if I lay with you?” He asked sitting directly under me pressing himself under my arm.

“Of course not.” Before I could stand to walk to the larger more comfortable bed, Seth had curled up on the couch, laying his head in my lap. His warm breath tickled the hairs on my lower stomach. The sensation was awakening my already needy cock and I was only seconds away from disrupting the pillow Seth had made for himself in my lap. I sat back, resuming my previous relaxed position, this time propping my feet up on the ottoman before me. I reached for my old Washington State University fleece blanket; draping it across Seth’s still partially naked body. 

Maybe the moment was too intimate or maybe my body was reacting to what my soul was use to doing. Whatever the reason, I began to run my fingers through his still slightly damp hair. Thinking I had disturbed or offended him, I stopped teasing his straight ends when Seth turned his head up, meeting my eyes.

“Thank you, Edward. How can I ever repay you?”

“Just keep smiling and fighting for me, handsome.” I resumed running my fingers lightly through his hair. “I will always be here for you Seth. Anytime.”

Seth smiled and nestled in closer to my body, his lips pressing firmly against my skin.

That is when I knew for certain he had my heart for forever.


	9. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things we learn when we just stop and listen . . . to ourselves.

Revelation

(Seth POV)

I didn’t want to go to the hospital. I just wanted Quil to come over, make sure I wasn’t bleeding internally or anything, and maybe listen to me cry. I knew Quil wasn’t a doctor but he was going to have to do. Naturally Quil didn’t think that was enough, he demanded I go to the hospital. Since I was sliding in and out of consciousness due to what I can only assume was my body desperately trying to reboot after receiving some serious trauma, I really didn’t have the ability to fight him.

And of all the hospitals in all the lands we had to walk into his. I may have been suffering from shock but I knew sexy when I saw it. Tall, creamy pale skin, lean build, fire-bronzed hair and the greenest eyes I ever seen. He was magnificent and beyond hot. Only because the gods thought I hadn’t been punished enough, he had to be my doctor. Dr. Edward Masen.

I didn’t want him to see me like this; I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. I’m not ashamed of the life style I chose or the fact that I am gay, but I don’t go around waving the flags. Having to show some fuck hot doctor and his nursing staff my wounds was going to bring up questions I didn’t want to answer. Once I explained how I got the various wounds, it would have been presumed I asked for this. Nobody asks to be disciplined by a broom handle. If I don’t answer their question they will assume it is an abusive boyfriend I just couldn’t leave. Unfortunately, the last statement was quite accurate.

As time went on, Caius was more of an abuser than my Master. He asked me to be his boyfriend and he was acting as if I was a burden in his life. We started off so great. Caius was a bit demanding and had a jealous streak and more head strong than any person I had ever met, but all that I could deal with. He could also be thoughtful, gentle, and affectionate; this was the softer Caius. When we made love it was slow and sensual, feeding every need of my body. This was the Caius I wanted, the one I was attracted to. But all that changed after we stepped back in The Playroom.

Really, it was my own damn fault. I was the one who was pushing for a session. Maybe had I left well enough alone I would still be enjoying the softer side of Caius. It almost seemed as if once he was in his Master head space he couldn’t come out of it for days. But it was an improper Master that took over his body.

Yes, I knew the way Caius ran both our relationships in and out of The Playroom was not correct or healthy. After years and years of having Doms and Masters and watching other relationships, I am quite aware of the errors in our union. Safe words weren’t respected, sessions were held in anger and other improper emotional states, Dom/sub relationships were blending with our everyday relationships, and boundaries weren’t respected. Nothing of Caius and mine relationship was normal or healthy. But what was I to do? I wanted a boyfriend and I got one.  
No one would ever love me. I was nothing special. I thought I was handsome guy and I had been told my soft hair and creamy mocha complexion was hot, but that wasn’t anything special either. 

There are hundreds of me all over La Push Reservation. I had nothing to offer to keep someone as gorgeous and appealing as Caius. I didn’t want to let that go. I didn’t want to go back to being single and Master-less. I took what I could get: Caius and I needed to be happy with it.

But Dr. Adorable wouldn’t understand any of that, even if he did know a little about a safe word. He probably Googled what a safe word was after meeting on of his patients. No, someone as handsome as him, and a doctor moreover, wouldn’t understand what loneliness was. I was sure there was some hot guy at home waiting on him. No, more like some woman. Yeah, I can see it now: long blond hair, blue eyes, and legs from here to there. That seemed like his type. Not that it would help my case when I have to tell Caius I had to come to the ER. Caius would immediately get jealous over nothing. Or at least I would think it was nothing. Caius though every man alive wanted me and he was constantly battling to keep me. Why couldn’t he see that all I wanted was him?

So as Dr. Masen cleaned my wounds and covered the new soon-to- be scars, I only answered question I had to, denying the rest.

Edward’s hands felt wonderful rubbing on my skin. They were softer than I expected they would be and very gentle. The coolness of his hands on my skin was comforting, soothing away my pain and tension. Unlike Caius’ cold body that only caused me to tense even more. Caius was more eerie, while Edward was inviting. It was just an observation, not that I would ever leave Caius. I loved him. I think?

Edward seemed genuine enough, but I was not looking for sympathy or pity. When he offered his card I laughed inside. He really did seem to want to “save me.” That only showed how little he knew about this lifestyle I chose. You don’t just leave your Master and I didn’t want to leave Caius. I would just have to work harder to try and not upset him; starting with not coming home with some man’s number in my pocket.

I just had to change, do better and be better for Caius and he wouldn’t hurt me. He could go back to the sweet, wonderful man he used to be to me. Once I started doing things right in The Playroom, he would become a proper Master. Maybe then he will even start to work on my care after each session. That’s all it was. It was all my fault and therefore I could fix it. 

I walked out that hospital determined, ready to set Caius’ and my relationship back on track. I didn’t even say good-bye to my hot doctor. There was no sense in thinking about a man I would never have. No, I would pour all my time, energy, and attention into Caius. I was going to make this work. 

The drive back from the hospital was quiet. Not even the radio was on as we pulled away from the hospital. I knew Quil wanted to say something. He was opinionated in that way. Quil had a response to and for everything in life. He wasn’t quick to censor his words and normally he didn’t hesitate to say whatever he though. He tries to control himself around me and a few others close friends, like he knows his words can be a bit striking sometimes, but he didn’t have a very high success rate. I think it pains him when he can’t talk, like he actually feels physical pain when he is biting his tongue. He starts to get antsy, can’t be still and his eyes start to shift. Quil would hold his hand over his mount as if he was trying to physically hold the words back. We drove the entire way to my apartment in this awkward, and obviously painful, silence.

“Damn it, Quil, just say what you need to,” I said as I walked into my door. My body was so weak my voice didn’t even carry the true agitation I felt.

“Seth, I want to kick his ass! Let me kick his ass. He can’t do this to you anymore. I can’t fucking stand it.” Though Quil was pacing in my living room, staring at me as the venom fell from his mouth, you could see the tension rise off his shoulders from finally being able to speak his mind.

I managed to bend my body enough to sit down on the couch.

“Quil, please. You said what you needed to, but I can’t deal with this right now.” I closed my eyes and laid my head on the back of the couch. I let Quil blow off his steam, it wouldn’t change anything. I was determined to fix what Caius and I had.

“Seth, you need to deal with this now. Look at you. You can’t even breathe without flinching in pain. Tell me you are not going back to him; to this abusive asshole.”

“You don’t know what you are talking about. We are fine.” I didn’t even bother looking into his eyes. I knew the words Quil spoke were, true but I knew what I need to do to correct it also.

“No Seth!” Quil moved quickly to kneel before me, placing his hand on my legs. “I love you too much to watch you do this to yourself. You can’t change him. This isn’t your fault.”

I lost it. I didn’t know if it was the pain, being tired, or I was just sick of hearing Quil’s mouth.

“You’re right, Quil, it’s not my fault. It’s yours!” I was weak and I knew my ability to stand, quickly making Quil fall to the floor, was powered by nothing more than my anger and pumping adrenalin.

Quil swiftly recovered.

“How the fuck,” was all Quil could get out before I cut him off.

“Yeah, it’s your fault. We were having a great day. The dinner was going excellent until you made that fucked up comment about me being a slave! You disrespected him. It was because of you I got punished at all.”

I could see the tears that were swelling in his eyes, threatening to overflow. I couldn’t bring myself to care. It really was his fault. My words struck a shocking blow to Quil and for the first time in years he was truly speechless.

Quil started to walk to the door, wounded from my words. The energy that prompted me was completely gone, and I could feel the exhaustion taking back over, except now it was worst. 

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Seth. I pray you see the truth soon. You’ll learn that in the end it never really is anyone else fault,” he said standing inside the door. He slowly and softly closed the door behind him, not saying another word.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I collapsed to my knees. I tried to convince myself it was just my body winning out, my energy was effectively gone, but I knew better. I just had a fight with the one man I knew I loved most in my life and he, without question, loved me. I’ve always felt sick anytime Quil and I would fight, like when he leaves something in me break and can’t begin to heal again until we are back together, brothers again. But I didn’t know if he was coming back this time. I made my decision and I was sticking to it; rather Quil liked it or not. I soon learned Quil’s words were truer than I wanted them to be.

I had stayed away from Caius’ place for only two days. I called into work so I could spend as much time healing as I could. By the time Caius texted me, telling me to pick up celery for dinner, I was able to walk upright, without flinching (though I was still in a good amount of pain). And that is how we began again. No apology. No questions as to where I had been or how I was feeling. Yet, I was determined to get past it, I had work to do.

Caius didn’t have to ask for anything. There wasn’t a task I didn’t anticipate and have done before he realized he needed it. I prepared all meals to his high standards and cleaned the kitchen immediately. Every suit he owned had been pressed by hand. I kept both The Playroom and the rest of the house spotless. I gave everything I had to Caius, to our happiness together. In just over a week I started to think things were looking up for the better; even between Quil and I.

Some things are just hard wired in you to do after so long. One day, a week and a half after our argument, I walked to the Mr. Frosty Ice Cream van for my weekly Strawberry Short Cake Pop, at the exact time Quil showed up for his Banana Fudge Bomb Pop. I wasn’t sure why I was shocked to see him. This was our weekly summer time ritual. I couldn’t bring myself to speak to him as he took his place in the front of the line. The silence was killing me. I was determined to apologize. I needed my brother.

“One Banana Bomb Pop and one Strawberry Shortcake,” he said to the vendor and this time I was speechless. “Here, let’s talk,” Quil said handing me my ice cream bar. We slowly walked toward the red metal seats outside Aro National Bank and Trust. We were both trying to buy time. Quil made the first move by buying my ice cream, so I made the second.

“Look, Quil, I’m sorry. I was angry and hurt. I know you were only trying to help. I know you love me. Please forgive me. I can’t live without my best friend.” I finally looked up into his big brown eyes. I was relieved to see him smile. We would be okay.

“Of course, Seth. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have said anything. You needed me and I just attacked you. Forgive me?” Quil looked almost afraid of my answer.

“No doubt,” I said giving him our signature fist bump. Some things just never get old. “Besides you had me at Strawberry Short Cake.”

“You’re such a cheap date,” he cracked. And like the last week and a half never happened, I had my best friend back.

Not only did I have Quil but I had Caius. Things were looking up . . . until they weren’t.

Having it all was not a possibility for me. It was Caius or Quil. Pleasure or pain. Boyfriend or Master. Never both. I am not sure when my life became a game of pick and choose but it was starting to become a dangerous game. Apparently, I was always choosing wrong. My balanced life of having both Quil and Caius only lasted three days.

I knew something was wrong when Caius came home in the middle of the night, only two hours after he left for Midnight Sun. There were no words, no commands. I was yanked from my startled position on the couch and drug to The Playroom. I don’t recall removing my shirt or being strapped to the X-Frame. I believe my body went into immediate sub state to block out the assault. The last thing I remembered was hearing the wheezing of the cane as it met my unprepared skin for the first time. At least he had the decently to release my restrains before leaving the apartment.

Quil was there to the rescue again and so was Dr. Adorable. When Edward first came into the room to “relieve” Dr. Cullen, I was pissed. I wasn’t in the mood for a pity check up; not to mention this would be another bit of proof to his theory of an abusive Master; a thought I didn’t really want him to have. But all that went away when he touched me; his cool hands grazing my bruise riddled back as he removed my shirt. He was as tender as he possibly could as he dressed my scarred body again, and without permission my body was reacting to it. I didn’t know if it was the pain, though it was not pleasurable, or the man, but my body was alive. I didn’t want to leave that Emergency Room.

I realized that night somewhere between being beaten for no reason and being cared for by a man who was not my Master, or my boyfriend, that I would never get out the hell I was in. Quil was right, it wasn’t his fault the last time and it damn sure wasn’t my fault this time. It was Caius, it was who he was. I had a decision to make: stay or go. The realization was enough to make me cry. I was back in my game of pick and choose, and I always chose wrong. I was ready to tell it all to Edward that night in the room that was becoming too familiar to me, but I wasn’t ready to accept it.

Even after the next week of arguments and sessions gone wrong with Caius, I didn’t want to accept it. I didn’t want to face what leaving Caius would mean.

Yet after a week I needed to escape. My body was covered with bruises yet again, and my mind was racing. He would find me at my apartment and I was in desperate need of some care. Edward was my only option, though I tried to think about everywhere and anywhere else. As I pulled into the driveway of his home, I realized I wanted to be there more than I needed to be there. I sat outside his home questioning if I could really do this. What would he say; would he turn me away? Edward represented a better touch, something I wanted and needed. I didn’t know what to expect walking into that house, but my heart skipped a beat when he pulled me through his door. My body needed to be near him. It called for him.

He wanted me too; I could hear it in his voice. I was still sure it was all out of pity but I didn’t care. I had too much pain with Caius, I wanted pleasure and I didn’t care where it came from. It being Edward only made it that much better. As he bathed me, bandaged me, and soothed me, I realize I only wanted him more. I wanted him to know everything.

I awoke to Edward’s firm chest pressed to my back. His arm draped over my waist. At some time during the night we stretched out over the large suede couch, and I had been covered with a warm blanket. I didn’t move; I didn’t want to disturb that moment. Waking up, moving, would only mean it wasn’t real and I had to return to my unhappy home.

“You don’t have to leave,” Edward said as if he had read my mind.

“I have to. I can’t stay here with you; he’s my boyfriend.” As the words left my lips I couldn’t stop the tear that trailed my cheek. I didn’t know if I was crying because I had to return to Caius or that I knew I couldn’t stay with Edward.

I quietly stood from my too comfortable position on the couch and headed for Edward’s bedroom to retrieve my clothes. There was no use in putting off the inevitable. I was not alone, Edward had followed me. I knew he was there, I couldn’t address him. I couldn’t even look at him; in the fear the tears would surely come and never stop.

“Tell me about him,” Edward said taking a seat on the foot of his bed. I sat on the side of the bed, behind Edward, out of the way of his piercing eyes. I felt like I needed to tell him everything. I already feared Edward pitied me; knowing the truth wouldn’t change that, other than make it worst. But I felt like I needed to tell Edward. The closeness I felt to him, even if it was one sided was undeniable.

So I did. I told Edward how my last Master left me and it led me to Caius. I told him about being there for Caius that night at the club and how we had been together ever since. I even told him about the abuse. I left nothing out. Surprisingly, I felt better getting it all out of my head. Maybe because Edward already pitied me, or maybe because I he was relatively still a stranger; he wouldn’t be threatening to go kick Caius ass like Quil and Sam would have said. Edward just listened. He never interrupted and if it wasn’t for the occasional flinch from my words, I would have thought he wasn’t listening at all.

“I know it is not healthy. I know everything he is doing is wrong.” I said still sitting on the side of the bed. During the recap of my fucked up life Edward had moved to my side and wrapped his arm around my waist. He was so comforting and gentle. In that moment there was no place I would have rather been. I felt like I belong right there. He didn’t need to say a word. His touch was enough. 

“But if I leave him I’ll be alone again and I don’t like to be alone. No one else wants me. I have to stick with what I’ve got.”

As the words left my lips I regretted them. Could Edward want me? He had help to heal me three too many times. He never turned me away. Even as we lay together the previous night, I felt more devotion, passion, and want radiating from him than I ever had from Caius in all the months we had been together.

“You don’t see yourself clearly and I hate the person who allowed you to continue with that thinking.” Edward stared so intensely, he almost did look rather upset. “Seth, you are beyond beautiful and any boyfriend should be proud to have you on their arm. Any Master should be please of you as their sub. You must understand that, Seth.”

But I couldn’t understand that. If any man would be proud to call me their own, why hadn’t I found him yet? Why hadn’t the man whose touch took away the pain, want me too? So no it wasn’t every man; it was only the bad ones. The Caius, the Felix, the Jason, and the Charlie; those were the ones who wanted me and I let them have me; despite what it may have been doing to me.

“Seth, please don’t go back. I love seeing you but not in my ER.” Edward was almost to tears. The moment was too intense for my already cluttered mind. All the feeling I seemed to be developing for Edward were staring back at me with emerald intensity. If only Edward desire for me was fueled by something more solid than pity. Caius many not have been the best man, but at least our bond was built on the platform of our Dom and sub relationship, no matter how warped it was. In it, I knew my place and it was almost certain. That would be something I would be missing from Edward; that ruling hand. The ability to give control to someone else, even if just for a short while, was what I really wanted. The pleasure and the pain.

I couldn’t take his eyes burning into my soul any more. I stood and began walking to the door. Time to face my fate.

“Edward, if I ask you a question will you be honest with me?” I asked him in my best official doctor voice, stealing the exact words he said to me the last time I saw him at the hospital. Edward laughed at my attempt at a joke. The depressing air between us seemed to decrease immediately. Edward laughter was just as gorgeous as he was. How could his laugh make me want him more?

“Yes, Seth, you can ask me anything you like.” His smile lit up the foyer. Just hours ago I stood in this spot crying, and now I was laughing.

“At the hospital…” I lowered my eyes to the floor. It was my habit when I was too embarrassed to ask a question or face someone. The eyes always said too much. “How did you know about a safe word or that I had a Master?”

Edward stepped closer to me. His hands gliding over my cheeks, through my hair, and back to my chin lifting my face to look into his eyes. They were greener and deeper compared to the last time I looked in them only moments ago.

“Because,” he said, “I have my own Sir.” They were not words I was expecting to hear. “Don’t look so surprised,” Edward laughed.

“Oh, sorry. I just was taken off guard, I guess.”

“What you thought I knew about a safe word from another patient? I Googled it?”

“That is exactly what I thought!”

“Well, now you know. I know what each of your sensations can do to you when it is done right. Don’t be ashamed to talk to me, Seth. I know a lot, and not just because I am a doctor.”

I was speechless and I didn’t know if it was because of Edward’s words or because he was dragging his hands throw the creases of my muscles beneath my shirt. Did he realize what he was doing?

“Will you tell me why? Why do you keep letting him do this?” Edward leaned down and buried his face into my neck. His voice was sad. His lips were softly pressed into my sensitive skin. I wanted so badly to move, to make the friction I needed on the very spot they inhabited. I wanted to feel his teeth pressed to my skin, marking me, claiming me as his own.

“I’ll tell you another day, if you let me come back.” I pulled out of Edward’s enticing body. I couldn’t be too close to him when he rejected me, as I hoped that he would. I needed Edward to reject me. If he rejected me I could walk away and not look back. I had done it so many times before. I could do it again.

“Please come back.” Edward whispered; eyes never leaving my lips. “Seth, I want you here. I am not sending you away.”

Those were the words I didn’t need to hear. I wanted him. He wanted me. Things got that much more complicated. I didn’t know what to say to Edward.

“I should go,” I finally said, hardly being able to look away from his glowing green eyes. I needed to leave so that maybe I would be able to breathe again. I didn’t know what I was going to return to when I made it back to Caius’, but as I drove away from Edward’s it was the farthest thing from my mind; until I received his usual text:

“Don’t be late with dinner.” –C

I could only drop my head in shame. There was no question as to if I would go or not, I always went back. Edward’s words, his strong yet soft embrace, hadn’t changed anything. Away from the fog and haze that Edward’s presence put me in, I could see clearly. I could make out where I was supposed to be. Whom I was supposed to be with: Caius.

But I wasn’t ready to let Edward go yet, and as long as he held onto me, I was going to cling to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment


	10. Everything But

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The absence of makes longing much more . . .

Everything But

(EPOV)

Seth and my relationship grew from there. I was more than just his doctor, we had become close friends. We spent every off day I had together in my living room laying around the couch, eating some kind of take-out, talking, and watching movies. I never asked Seth how he managed to get away from him, but I assumed he waited until his boyfriend left for the club. Though Seth and I were only friends, we were always in each other’s embrace.

He loved to lay his head on my lap as we watched our movie, and I would always run my fingers through his hair. When we slept, he would stay in my arms and I couldn’t resist kissing him along his neck and ear. He never pulled away or questioned me; he seemed to look for it. Other times we would only hold hands, enjoying the silence. It was the make up of our relationship. Friends; but some how more. Physical with out actually getting physical; though I wasn’t against that idea. I was single, in the romantic sense, and more than attracted to Seth. Seth, however, was not single and I didn’t want to put him in an uncomfortable position. More than that, I was afraid it would ruin the relationship we did have. If I lost him, we both would suffer tremendously. I would lose a man I felt like I could actually love and wanted in my life in any way I could get him. More importantly, Seth would lose his safe haven, comforter and favorite fleece blanket. The danger of Seth being alone became even greater when Quil and his relationship was shuck yet again.

Seth and I had been getting to know each other for a little over a month and had talked about everything from work to family. One day Seth called hysterical over a fight he had with Quil. Desperately wanting to see that he was okay, I asked him to meet me for lunch. As Seth approached the table I sat anxiously waiting. I could already see the affect the fight had on him. His eyes were red from the crying and rubbing. His usual well kept black hair hung all over his head and his neatly tucked clothes didn't sit properly on his muscular frame. I usually only saw Seth so unkempt after he managed to escape Caius’ rampages. How could he possibly been at work looking this way?

“Seth! What happened?” I stood and took my friend into a close embrace. He didn’t hesitate to squeeze me back. “Tell me everything.” I sat us down at our table in the quiet and mostly empty restaurant. I refused to let go of his hand.

“Quil found out about what happened with Caius last time.”

Seth had become adamant in not talking to Quil about his relationship with Caius. He already knew that things between him and Caius were volatile, but couldn’t stand hearing Quil remind him of it regularly. Seth and Quil still shared a close friendship, but any time the subject of Caius would come up Seth would change the topic. Quil knew about Seth and my relationship and did not hesitate to voice his desire for Seth to just leave Caius and try to seduce me. Seth was already hard at that task and he didn’t even know it. While it was great that I already had the endorsement of Seth’s best friend, I could see how Quil’s words were hurting and further confusing Seth. I always tried to change the mood when that particular topic would come up just to give Seth some relief. Seth only still talked to me about Caius because I just listened; trying not to comment or argue with him as much as possible. As bad as I wanted to see things through with Seth, I knew it had to happen on its own time.

“I’m sorry, Seth. I promise I didn’t say a word.”

“I know you didn’t.” Seth sat quietly for a while, rolling his fingers through his already messy hair. “He said that as long as I am with Caius that I shouldn’t bother talking to him. He said that he will not have my coffin resting on his conscious because he couldn’t figure out how to save me. I’m all alone now.” Seth could no longer hold back his tears.

It was a low blow to Seth’s already delicate state. While Seth didn’t talk about Caius any more to Quil, Seth still received healing from being able to escape to his best friend every now and then. Quil was Seth’s stability in life. I began to fear what this would do to Seth’s ability to trust. Seth obviously didn’t trust Caius, no matter how much he clung to the hope Caius would change, and now Seth didn’t know how Quil found out about the most recent need for my professional expertise. Even then as he sat before me, I prayed he didn’t think I would some how betray him as well.

“You will never be alone. I will never leave you.” I didn’t know if Seth really believed those words.

We never did eat lunch that day. We eventually left the restaurant and went back to my place where Seth could get himself together so that he could return to work better than he left. After he left me, and well through my shift that night at the hospital, my mind stayed on Seth. I contemplated contacting Quil myself, getting to the bottom of this, but I decided against it. I didn’t want to step out of bounds; I couldn’t fight Seth’s battles.

So I curbed my lust for Seth, only releasing it when I saw my own Dom. Demetri knew I had someone new in my life, but he also knew it wasn’t quite physical. My sudden relapse in release control was a dead give away to that fact. To keep my own punishments under control, I refrained from seeing, or thinking of Seth before sessions. His scent, or touch, too fresh on my mind would always prompt a desire for release. I was losing control quickly. 

“You have been with your friend again haven’t you?” Demetri asked after a session ended only ten minutes after it started.

“Yes, Sir. I am sorry for disappointing you,” I said. I wasn’t very happy with myself either. I was surprised when he rubbed his hand gently across my collar bone, up my jaw line and threw my hair. A reward? “Why, Sir?” I definitely didn’t deserve a reward.

“I will not punish you this time, my boy. I know you have not had any personal relationships in a long time, but this must correct itself. It is not my place to ask you to stop seeing your friend, but you must regain your control, or next time you will be punished.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“If this continues, Edward, I will dismiss you as my sub.” That was the last thing I wanted. “Now get dressed and leave.”

It was the worst session we ever had. I didn’t understand the power Seth had over me. All the relationships I had been in my adult life, and none of them could do the things to me that Seth could; and we didn’t do anything but be in each other’s presences. It was both powerful and unsettling at times.

*~*~*~*~*~*

It was a little after four months since meeting Seth that our relationship went to more sexually confusing level.

Christmas had passed without Seth as he was stolen away to visit Caius’ family in Arizona. Seth had no one with him. Quil had stayed to his word, not contacting Seth and ignoring attempts to be contacted by Seth. Seth was not close to his mother, he never knew his father, and was an only child. I was all he had, and on Christmas morning he didn’t even have me. I begged Seth to simply tell Caius no, that he wouldn’t go to Arizona, but Seth couldn’t do it. He would never admit it, but I knew his hesitation was driven by fear; both that Caius would hurt him again and that Caius would leave him. How could the same things that make you sad, make you stay?

He had finally returned to me some three days after Christmas. When I opened the door it was the broken version of my Seth. He didn’t speak, hug me, or kiss me as he usually did. Instead he walked pasted me and stood in the foyer as if he was a guest all over again. I knew the look on his face all too well.

“Seth are you okay? Are you hurt?” It was not the first thing I wanted to say to him after our long time apart. I was afraid to touch him. My hands hovered over his body waiting for the confirmation from him so that they could go to work quickly.

Seth never answered me, he only began to shake as tears over came him. His entire frame vibrated. He slowly unzipped his coat and unwrapped his scarf from his neck. Seth lifted his head while keeping his eyes trained to the floor. It was a learned action between a sub and his Master and I didn’t understand why Seth wasn’t acknowledging me as his equal. As the garments were removed from his body, slowly realization flooded me. Upon my loves neck sat a platinum double stitched with black thread collar and upon both wrists were matching cuffs. My blood boiled in my veins.

“No, Seth. No!” I said pulling him into my arms. I tried desperately to keep my own tears back as Seth curled into my embrace. “Seth, why didn’t you say no? You didn’t have to accept his collar. You don’t have to stay with him anymore.” I was angry, and though I tried to not show it, some of that anger was aimed at Seth. He knew what it meant to accept this. He said he wanted to leave it all behind, but I couldn’t believe any of that as I looked at the wretched piece that clung to his body; a symbol he chose to accept.

“I couldn’t,” He managed to scream out. “He presented them as Christmas gifts while we were in Arizona; in front of his family. It was so . . . strange. How was I supposed to say no? I couldn’t embarrass him like that. It was so . . . unexpected. Edward, I didn’t know what else to do. I . . . I don’t . . .” Seth was becoming hysterical.

I quickly released the three buckles on the back of the collar and the two clasps on each cuff. I slid the offending pieces across the floor and out of Seth’s sight. Removing another Master’s collar from his submissive was an unspeakable offense. A collar shouldn’t be removed by anyone other than that Master or the sub, and only under agreed upon circumstances. At that moment I didn’t care about any of that. Seth didn’t stop me.

“Not here. You understand me, Seth? You are free of him here.” I looked deeply into Seth’s red eyes. I didn’t want to argue over why he wouldn’t just leave; leave the abuse, leave the unappreciative boyfriend; leave it all behind. I couldn’t comprehend how he could cling so closely to the one that was hurting him and be blind to everyone else in his life. I had not held the love of my life in over a week. Everything else was just going to have to wait until tomorrow.  
I slowly lifted Seth off the floor and took him to the couch. He placed his head in my lap as I continued to sooth him. After a while I decided I needed to do something I hoped would make him smile.

“I have a gift for you,” I said lifting his head from my lap.

“Edward, no! I couldn’t get you anything.”

I knew that translated into: “I couldn’t get you anything without him finding out and questioning me.” But even if it was Christmas or Tuesday; this was a gift I desperately wanted Seth to have. I hoped it would help him see not just how I truly felt about him but that his misconception that no one cared about him.

“Stop. It hardly cost me anything and I wanted you to have this.” I retrieved the box wrapped in sparking white paper and placed it on Seth’s lap. “Go on, open it! Please?”

A smile broke across Seth’s face and that was gift enough for me. Seth tore away the paper like an eager child, and slowly began pulling out its contents.

First was a jar of Icey-Hot; taped to it was a card with a six digit number printed on it. Than he removed the cocoa butter with its small silver, square, key taped to the lid.

“Edward, what the…” I cut him off before he could continue.

“Just keep going.”

Next he pulled out the moisturizer lotion with a “Wash U” key chain attached to its side. Finally, he pulled out the bottle of Aloe Vera gel and its accompanying key.

Seth looked up at my face and I could see the pieces began to fall into place.

“This is the key to the front door and the small one is to the garage,” I said pulling the keys of their healing creams and attaching them to the University keychain. “This is your security code to the house. We need to change it soon. You see right now it is your birthday, not a good code.”

“Oh my god, Edward.”

“I don’t want to hear it, Seth. I want you to be able to come as you please. You are always welcomed here. Always,” I said handing him the key chain.

Seth was still for the longest time, only staring at the silver pieces in his hand. When he finally looked back to my face I could see the tears that threaten to flow over his eyes. At least this time I knew he cried because he was happy. Seth had placed his care package, keys included, on the ottoman and slid closer to my body. I could see his need in his eyes and though I wanted Seth more than the ability to breath, I didn’t want to take advantage of him. 

Seth was starved for affection and devotion. I gave him the keys so that he knew he always had a safe place to run to. I didn’t want to drive him to anything. I didn’t want him to think he owed me anything. I was his friend, and while I longed for so much more, I would have stayed right were we were if that was what he wanted.

Seth leaned into my body, pressing his lips to mine. At the contact I pulled away. I was afraid he would think I was rejecting him, but I was more afraid that he would regret it later. I didn’t want him to feel like I was using him.

“Please,” he whispered, never taking his eyes off my mouth. He slowly leaned back into my body, where I did not pull away.

My eyes closed with the contact as I felt his soft lips move with my own. I stopped pretending like I didn’t want this. This and so much more is what I had wanted since the first time I laid eyes on the beautiful man. I ran my hand through his silky black hair, pulling him closer into me. Seth moaned into my mouth, putting my cock at full attention.

As our tongues grazed across each others’ teeth, Seth gently pushed me down onto the suede couch were we sat. He wanted more, even if only in that moment, and was ready. I wanted more but was too afraid of the consequences. Sensing my tension, Seth pulled up on my chest and stared into my eyes, not saying a word. After only a few moments he began to unbutton my shirt, placing a kiss on each newly exposed piece of skin. He slid his tongue over my pebbled nibbles; licking, sucking, and biting the sensitive skin. His actions were driving me crazy and I was slowly beginning to lose control. He was pleasuring me beyond degree and somewhere in that time that I spent thinking of that pleasure and my fear, Seth managed to remove my pants. He began licking down my exposed “V,” sending my back arching off the couch.

“Fuck, Seth,” I screamed in ecstasy. Seth ran his hand down my boxer briefs, removing my hard cock from its cloth prison.

“So beautiful,” Seth said looking up at me through his lashes.

Seth slowly began to tease me as he ran his tongue down one side of my length and slowly back up. He circled the swollen head only with is tongue before pulling gently and easily on each of my balls. I couldn’t resist pulling on his hair in that moment of extreme satisfaction.

“Allow me, permission to please you,” he said never looking at me. Seth had seamlessly slipped into his submissive state. Never did I want to be above him. 

“Seth, look at me.” He slowly found my waiting eyes. “I am not your Master,” I said as I ran my fingers through his hair.

As if I said the magic words, Seth mouth was wrapped around my needful cock. It had been so long since I had been rewarded with release from Demetri, thanks to my lapse in control, and there had been no one to care for my physical in over two years. Seth moaned around my member, sending delicious vibrations through my core. His warm mouth enveloped me over and over, sending his name, tangled with my own moans, flying from my lips.

“Seth . . . Coming, now!” I was hardly able to utter my warning. He pulled harder on my overly sensitive length and only moments later I released my load down his waiting throat. Seth cleaned me fully with his tongue, leaving no trace of the events before placing soft kisses up my chest and finally on my lips. 

His eyes showed so much relief as if I had brought him pleasure. Seth lay on top of my chest, tangling our hands together, as I continued to stroke his hair. Too soon my beautiful angel was fast a sleep.

I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how I wanted him in my life from the very beginning. I wanted to take him in my bed and devour him slowly as I had fantasized about for months. But my angel lay sleeping in my arms and I yet again decided to wait. I always waited. As much as I questioned why Seth was so afraid to walk away from Caius, I was just as afraid to confront Seth. My very declaration could have been all that Seth needed to make a move in his own life and I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t open myself up to the possibility that I could be rejected.

The early day’s light awoke me to Seth sitting at the opposite end of the couch, care package and keys in hands, collar on. As my eyes ran from his hands to his neck and finally on his fallen face, I only grow more confused. I had hoped and dreamed that possibly last night meant something new for our relationship, yet before me sat the unspoken declaration that my heart still belong to another, or at least if not his heart, everything else. I could feel the tears began to fill my eyes and my voice was lost in my throat. Seth finally turned to face me revealing that he had been crying again. I really didn’t know how much more he was going to be able to take.

“Seth, please,” where my only words. I couldn’t see reason in Seth’s choices anymore. He was unhappy and he knew it, yet he was determined to stay in hell just to appease an asshole of a Master and avoid his fear of loneliness. Seth seemed so happy to be back with me. He seemed to appreciate the gift. He had given apart of himself to me, yet he still was not any closer to being mine, or at least seeing that he could have happiness. Even if it wasn’t from me.

“Seth, please don’t go. I . . .” 

“Edward, don’t.” Seth cut me off, his tears finally falling.

He stood and I followed. He stepped before me and I took him in my arms. He laid his head in the crook of my neck and I weaved my fingers in to his hair. It was like our own well rehearsed dance.

“I’ll see you later, okay?” Seth spoke never lifting his head from my chest.

“Come home soon, okay? I already miss you.” It was as close as I got to telling him how much I wanted him that day.

“I promise,” he said quickly kissing me on my lips and turning to leave. I stayed standing in that spot in that very foyer that seemed too etched into mine and Seth’s relationship. I was growing weaker every time I watched Seth walk out of the door.

Seth did come back days later and it seemed as if nothing had changed. So many times I would come close to coming clean about what I really wanted, but would coward away in the end. The though of revealing that secret to later see Seth walk out the door again and into arms that didn’t deserve him, would have been too much to bare. I couldn’t see how Seth truly felt about me. Here one minute and leaving me the next, if he desired me in the same way I was for him, I was having a hard time seeing it. Yet the events of our last encounter became another part of our already complicated relationship; I even began to reciprocate. It was just another part of me trying to show him how much pleasure he deserved; how much I could give him. Time after time he would return to his hell hole. Seth didn’t feel like he deserved happiness (he couldn’t even explain why he felt that way) despite all that I tried to tell him.

“You deserve so much more than this life that you are clinging to. You can find pleasure and pain somewhere else; with someone who can do it right.”

“Edward, please not today. It will get better. I just have to wait.”

“Damn it Seth! He will never change. He will fucking kill you and that will kill me. Is that what you want? You want to see me die when they wheel you into my Emergency Room hanging on to life?” I was exhausted trying month after month to plead with him. “Please believe me, Seth; I will die if something happens to you.”  
I didn’t like arguing with Seth but his ass of a boyfriend was all that ever became a heated topic between us. I knew Seth didn’t want to hear or be reminded of how difficult things were. He just needed a listening ear and a comforting touch, and I wanted to be those things for him. Despite our arguing I still treated his body, messaging away the pain and the loneliness. I could never deny him.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Mouth after month our relationship continued on that way. I would build Seth up only for that worthless prick to break him down. One night away from me and it would bring back the scared, unsure, submissive man that I first met.

“I will fix this soon enough, love. I promise I am here and I will save you,” I whispered in his ear one night as he lay in my arms.

Seth eased closer into my chest as if he was acknowledging my words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading


	11. Hell, Purgatory, Heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Impass . . .

Hell, Purgatory, Heaven  
(Seth’s POV)

My entire life was a split of the life style I lived. I wanted pleasure and pain. Caius was my pain and he gave it well. Edward was my pleasure and he gave it better. Maybe that is why I couldn’t leave Caius. Maybe I was afraid if I lost my pain I would lose my pleasure too. Why would Edward want me when he no longer had to take care of me?

I wished Edward felt more for me than he did. I wanted his feelings to mirror mine. There was no other place I rather been than in his strong arms. I was a different man when I was with Edward. I was more confident, I smiled more, and I actually enjoyed life. There was only one other person I enjoyed watching movies and gorging on take-out with as much as I enjoyed it with Edward; that was Quil. Edward could never take my best friend’s place and he never tried. Edward had made out his own little place in my heart, and he was getting comfortable. He had become my corner stone; if he pulled away I would crumple, be nothing more than a pile of rumble. I never wanted to see him leave me. So despite my want and need to leave Caius I stayed ’cause I couldn’t have my pleasure if I didn’t have my pain.

I loved my drive from work, whether the road lead me to my solitary apartment or Caius’, I was completely enveloped in the drive; clearing my head. When I drove to Edward’s place I was too excited to register what my drive was actually like. I fumbled with my keys as I made my way to the solitary SUV sitting in the deserted parking lot of the bank. I was always the last to leave. As I pressed the unlock button on my handheld, my smile appeared when I laid eyes on the addition to my key ring. 

I loved the feel of Edward’s keys in my hand. Maybe it was my imagination, but they seemed shiner, lighter. The sight of that “Wash U” key chain always made me radiate, bringing back memories of the last time we were together in each other’s presence.

I was completely floored when Edward presented that Christmas gift to me; a box full of healing power for body and mind. Caius and I had been actually dating for six months at that point and he had yet to give me a copy of his keys. His collar he gave, in front of his family, but a key to the condo that I cooked and cleaned at everyday was too much to ask for. Not that I would ever question my Master, but I was questioning my boyfriend. It would have just been nice to see some token of his desire and devotion for me, not just his ability to possess me.

As I droved to Caius’ place, I thought about that late December night. I was able to share a little more of myself with my unattainable Edward. I believed I received more pleasure from it than even he did. To see his eye closed tight with pleasure and his hands pulling forcibly on my hair, it literally was my dream come true. I wanted to give him all of me but thought it was best not to push. When he pulled me closer to his body, nothing between us had changed and it just made me realize I couldn’t do anything to jeopardize that connection. So I left him again that morning, returning to hell, with the feel of heaven on my body. I didn’t miss that Edward referred to his house as my home. I felt at home there, even more than my own apartment that I rarely even entered anymore. My apartment was purgatory – between the hell that was Caius and the heaven that was Edward.

I pulled into the parking deck of the last place I really wanted to be. Before stepping out of my car I snapped on the collar. I was furious that Caius made me wear them everyday, all day. The pale gray collar was far from conspicuous. At least with Felix, and any previous Masters, I had a more discreet necklace, pin, or bracelet to wear to work or other places where a thick leather strap around my throat would not have been appropriate. I only wore my full leather collar in their playrooms. Caius was not that reasonable.

The first day back at work following that Christmas, I left my collar, and one of the cuffs, in the car when I made it to work. I hoped that wearing only one would draw less attention to the remaining cuff, but everyone still eyed it curiously. Somehow Caius found out, even though I had replaced the collar and additional cuff before making it back to his condo. I was met at the door with a paddle. No warning. No transition. After I was permitted to make his dinner, wearing nothing more than the tags of my Master, and my new stripes, I was permitted to explain why I had chosen to disrespect him. The conversation ended with the conclusion to wear both cuffs at all times and the collar was to be included as long as I was not at work. It was less of a compromise and more of a command.

I walked into the apartment and began to make my way to this apartment. I looked upon my bondage wrapped around my wrists and tried desperately to hold back my shaky tears. I wondered if it was a coincidence that the pale gray leather matched the steel outer walls that was Caius’ home. Caius was a living breathing representation of his home. The wooden ornate door was just as beautiful as he was. He was inviting and drew you in, but the steel that surrounded the door was Caius’ true self. Hard. Cold. Unyielding. Everything Caius was when he was not hiding behind his mask. 

I wondered what a collar from Edward would look like. Edward’s home seemed to match him as well. Beautiful, both inside and out. Inviting. Not intimidating. Warm. Comforting. So I would think his collar would match: a simple color like black or dark brown, discreet and simple. I would wear it with pride. But there was nothing to get worked up about. Edward was a submissive just as I was. He had already suggested that he would never be a Master.

“So did Demetri give you a collar?” I asked as I played with his hand, ignoring the movie that played in our background. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to know the answer to that question.

“No. Demetri is less of a Master and more of a Dom. He actually has three submissive at a time, usually. He doesn’t do relationships; although I think he secretively has a boyfriend. Hard to believe someone that delicious is single.”

I knew I didn’t like the idea of him finding any one good looking. His words visibly stung and he without a doubt noticed.

“You’re single,” I said. Instantly I regretted my words as they implied I thought Edward was delicious. Which I did; Edward only smiled at my words. “Would you be a Master, Edward?”

“I don’t think so,” Edward was deep in thought. “I don’t like being in control all of the time. I don’t think I would be any good.” I wasn’t sure but Edward seemed to be hurt by his own words.

“Well . . . I think you would be great.” I squeezed his hand for reassurance. The pulse between us was almost magnetic as I resisted everything in me to not reach out and take him.

The elevator dinged, signaling my ascent to another world. I continued to contemplate the last seven months of my life. It wasn’t all bad, Edward was there with me, for that, I had something to smile about.

I approached the door of Caius apartment with none of the enthusiasm I should have had to be seeing my boyfriend. I stood before the beautifully decorated door and raised my fist to knock but with only one rasp the door pushed open on its own. It was then I heard the sounds within. I knew those sounds any where. I pushed the heavy door open further and cautiously walked through the door. My eyes closed, I didn’t want to immediately see the sight that would be before me. As I stepped into the foyer I could feel the knot forming in my stomach. There was a lot I could stand for in a relationship but this was a deal breaker. The now louder sounds forced me to open my eyes, leaving no choice but for mind to confirm both what I heard and just now only suspected.

“Ooh, yes, fuck! Right there,” the tenor voice said.

The first thing I saw as I opened my eyes was Caius smiling back at me. He wanted me to catch him? He knew I would be here. He wanted to make sure I caught him just like this. But why? If he wanted it over between us, that was all he had to say. While Caius smiling in my horrified face while he fucked the dark haired man on all fours beneath him pulled on the already forming knot in my stomach, it was the look of said man that finally brought the bile into my throat.

“Yes, Daddy . . . Please don’t stop,” he said while staring directly into my eyes.

I bolted to the hallway bathroom, only just barely making it in time. Everything once occupied my stomach now in the toilet, along with whatever desires and reasons I had for staying with Caius. As I continued to purge my body of its contents, my ears were bombarded with the sounds of the living room. They made no attempt to stop and Caius cared not about my condition. When I could do nothing more but dry heave into the cool porcelain, I worked to steady my breathing as I sat back against the cabinets in front of the toilet.

I sat in that bathroom for eternity but reality only said it had been 30 minutes. Thirty minutes of me listing to my boyfriend fuck another man with no restraint. I considered it safe to leave my dwelling when I heard no more erotic sounds floating from the living room. I pulled myself off the floor and slowly eased back into the reality I had to face on the other side of that door. I walked back to the living room with my head high, tears wiped away.

While Caius still stood naked, his friend was fully clothed. My eyes were drawn to his neck, upon it was a pale gray collar that looked oddly familiar. As if I couldn’t feel the heavy leather resting on my body, I reached my hand up to feel for my own symbol of Caius. Of course it was there. The revelation forced me to look down to the stranger’s wrist and just as suspected two matching cuffs sat there. I was confused to say the least. Who was this man? He didn’t seem concern with my presence, as he was pressed into Caius body. When Caius pulled away, I couldn’t help but notice the admiration in his eyes, or the way he gently ran his hand a long the man’s face. He never looked at me that way.

Finally, the two parted, walking past me to the door as if I wasn’t there. I was nothing to them. Caius seemed reluctant to let his lover’s hand go.

“Call me later?” The man spoke while concentrating on Caius’ eyes.

“Of course, pet.” Caius seemed just as enthralled. “See you soon, Marcus.”

“Bye, Master.” The man, announced as Marcus, said as he walked out of the door.  
Caius never called me pet. Caius never saw me out the door. Did he just call Caius, Master? I could take no more. Caius closed the door and turned to face me as if nothing had taken place. I only had one thing to say.

I walked past Caius’ cocky stance as his eyes dared me to question him. I placed myself between him and the door. I didn’t care what belongings I left behind in that apartment. I was leaving with nothing more than my keys to purgatory and heaven and the certainty that I would never have the life I wanted: lover and Master rolled into one.

“It’s over, Caius,” I said trying not to let my overwhelming emotions seep through. I didn’t wait for him to respond. There were no other words to be had between us. It was then I made my mistake; I turned my back on a psychopath.

I felt as he grabbed a handful of my hair, pulling me back through the cracked door and down onto the floor. He moved lighting fast as he was able to both close the door and throw me toward the living room by nothing more than my hair. As I flew into the open space, I felt light as air until I came crashing down on a table, shelf, or the couch. This time I had to fight back. I wasn’t a big fighter but I knew enough. As I evaded each of Caius’ crippling holds, I could feel his anger rising. I didn’t know how much longer I was going to be able to hold him off. My chances of reaching the door were slim and the virtually sound proof house removed my chances of anyone coming to my rescue. I kept fighting; my life depended on it.

I dodged Caius grapple, sending him face first into his own book shelf. I jumped over the ruins that had collected now in the living area. Glass, vases, tables, and books all laid waste as nothing more than destruction; a testament to what took place around us. Caius recovered quickly from his last attack and before I could move away he was able to tackle me to the floor. My exposed hands and arms were cut with the broken glass that covered our war zone. Caius immediately turned me over and put as much pressure on my neck as his own weight would allow. I could see his bare chest smeared in blood with shards of the glass embedded into this skin. It was nothing to him. I grabbed at the hand that was squeezing the life out of my body, desperately clawing at the smooth skin.

“You ungrateful little bitch. You don’t have the power to leave me. Nobody will fucking want you, not even that pansy ass doctor of yours. Edward’s his name, right?”

I could register everything he said but Edward’s name stuck out as if he was screaming it at me. How did he know about him? Is that why he did all this, to show me that he has known all along? How; how was it that he always knew things?

“Let’s see how much the doctor can fix when I am done with you.”

My world went black but not before I registered the sound of my belt being undone, zipper pulled away, and buttons forcibly torn from my shirt. I knew what was happening to me; the darkness didn’t take me before my brain registered it. That would have been too much like right. But this was not my usual submissive darkness I escaped too whenever Caius touched me. This darkness was deeper and heavier. This was a new recess of Hell.

*~*~*~*~*~*

For a brief moment Hell felt peaceful and quiet. Slowly sounds started sliding back in. First, being the tick of a near by clock. Second being my own heart beat which seemed to pound in my ears confirming I was far from dead.

I was too afraid to move but it didn’t matter because the signal wasn’t making it from my brain to my waiting limbs. Before my ability to move was activated, I was first welcomed back by every pain receptor located in the human body. Everything on me was screaming in agonizing pain. I slowly eased onto my knees and hands, feeling the glass press further into my palms. My ass screamed at me confirming my worst nightmare had come true. I didn’t even have to reach for my lips to know they were swollen and the familiar pain in my back and legs suggested I was beating with many tools. When I was finally able to pull myself to my feet I could feel the light headedness as well. My blood stained the carpet that was just below me and at its sight I could do nothing more than cry. I crashed back down onto the crimson stain I was leaving behind in that apartment. I was telling it goodbye. It no longer belonged to me, it was now Caius’.

I managed to pull up my destroyed slacks and tattered button down. I began to stagger out of the apartment with all the walking know-how I could muster. I paused at the door; there was something else that needed to be left behind. I tore away the clasp on the back of each cuff, dropping them where I stood at the door. As I undid the buckle on the back of the leather collar I slowly lowered it from my neck, immediately feeling all the weigh being removed from me. Not only was I freed of the hideous color and design but of the abuse that came with it. I closed my eyes and dropped the collar next to the cuffs, sitting at my feet. It was freeing.

I staggered out of the apartment, down the two flights of stairs and onto the elevator. Every step away was bringing new light to my life. I prayed no one was there on the elevator; I didn’t want to answer the idiotic question of if I was okay. As if my swollen face and bloody clothes were not indication enough. At least that prayer was answered. I made it to my car in the deck and for the first time noticed that Caius was not there. It wasn’t until I started my car that I realized it was after eleven o’clock p.m. I must have been unconscious for over four hours.

I sat back in my chair letting the cool Mach air enter my open wounds. Edward’s velvety voice rang in my head about driving in such an unsafe condition, but the thought of calling an ambulance, going to a hospital, was sending me into a panic attack. That would attract police attention; my least favorite kind of attention. I had no one to call. Quil was long gone and Edward would sequester me to a hospital as well. No, I needed to be with him but not at Washington Regional. I just hoped that what I was about to do wouldn’t make Edward to upset.

The drive was harder than I though it would be. I could feel my blood pressure dropping as the light headedness and dizziness got stronger with each passing moment. I ran a few red lights and turned too soon onto a left hand lane, successfully cutting off oncoming traffic. My body was responding on its own, not waiting for the signal from my brain. My blood was seeping through the wounds on my arms and stomach and back, making my shirt stick uncomfortably to my raw skin. The sight of Edward’s house was almost heavenly. The glow of the motion light above his garage and front door illuminated the solace with an angelic glow. I turned hap hazard into the drive, only just missing the bushes that stood along the walk way to the door. My energy and ability to move was fading quickly but I pushed forward being only some feet from my goal.  
I managed to unlock the front door and leaned into the wall as I entered my security code, before I slid down into the corner. My work was not done. I was safe but I was not saved. I could feel my consciousness threatening to slip away from me and I still had to get my angel there. I crawled on all fours to the living room, picked up the receiver and dialed his cell phone.

“Hey Seth! Decided to get away for the night?” His voice meant I was home free. It gave me hope that maybe everything would be okay. I just had to tell him and than I could let the darkness take me back.

“Edward . . . he knew. All along he knew.” My voice barely above a whisper.

“Seth? What do you mean? Are you okay?”

“No, I need you. I am so sorry, Edward.” My crying was muffing my words. My endurance rolled away with each shed tear and I knew I could hold on no longer.

“No, Seth! I’m coming. I’m coming for you. Just hold on, love. Don’t leave me, okay? I need you. I love you, Seth.”

“I love you, too,” I said but doubted Edward heard as I no longer possessed the ability to hold the phone up to my ear. The phone lay, still on, beside my hand, as I was sprawled face down on heaven’s floor. I could feel the darkness creeping back around me; threatening to steal me from heaven. I didn’t know if it was sending me to purgatory or back to the Hell, where I belonged.

*~*~*~*~*~*

(Edward’s POV)

My shift had begun only a couple hours before. I had completed my first hour rounds for the patients that were staying the night with us. Most of the patients that were in were only there for minor over night observations. It was going to likely be another quiet night. After rounds with patients, I got geared up for the rounds of gossip. One day I was going to accept that there was a giddy little school girl locked away deep inside me. Nothing got my night started better than listening to the nurses talk about who was sleeping with whom, and in what empty hospital room. I believed nurses had secret omniscience powers. It was no business in the hospital that they didn’t know. It was actually kind of scary. My girl session was interrupted by my personal cell vibrating in my pocket. Normally, I left my cell in my locked office, not answering it while I was on the clock, but since Seth and I had grown so close, and knowing his complete and utter aversion to hospitals, I began caring it with me. Only his number and my home phone number were set to vibrate. All other calls were in silent mode. As I pulled the phone from my pocket, I recognize my own home phone number on the glowing screen.

“Hey, Seth! Decided to get away for the night?” 

It always made me happy to see he was putting his Christmas present to use. Thoughts of Seth stretched out across my couch, wrapped in his favorite blanket filled my mind. I walked away from the nurse station, trailed by their characteristic hooting. I’m sure my smile didn’t hide the fact that I was talking to someone who made my heart leap. As I walked to a much quieter end of the hall I knew, and accepted, that the next round of gossip would be about me.

When I heard Seth’s crackling voice I knew something was wrong but he sounded worst than ever. It took every thing in me not to panic. This wouldn’t be the first time Seth was at my home alone after some horrible experience with Caius, but usually his voice was hooded in sadness and heavy crying. I would find that while he called me he was already running his relaxation bath. I would come home to find him curl into the couch awaiting my arms. It was then he would purge the emotional over load from the day. But this time his tone was all pain.

“Edward . . . he knew. All along he knew.”

What did he know? How could Caius know about me? I couldn’t wait to find out. Every cell in my body screamed that this time was different; that this time was much worst. Seth wouldn’t be able to wait until I got off work at six a.m. the next morning.

“No, Seth! I’m coming. I’m coming for you. Just hold on, love. Don’t leave me okay? I need you. I love you, Seth.” I kept talking to Seth as I shut down my office. My nerves were growing frantic as I could no longer hear sounds from the receiver, not even his heavy breathing. I couldn’t hear him so I was positive he couldn’t hear me, yet I continued to cheer him on letting him know I was right there with him. I grabbed my patient’s charts and ran down the hall, cell phone at my ear, files in my hands, and jacket half on.

“Dr. Cullen?” I was short of breath from running and clearly frazzled.

“Dr. Mason? What’s wrong?” Carlisle immediately stood to his feet from behind his desk.

“I have an emergency at home and must leave. Is that okay? I only have four patients on my hall who are being kept for observation. I’ve already checked on them but can you take them, please?” I managed to get my whole spiel out in one breath. I am sure I looked as bad as I felt standing before my colleague.

“Sure, sure. Go ahead.” Dr. Cullen took my files and waved me on.

I screamed my thanks as I zoomed towards the nurse’s station to inform them of my leaving as well.

“I’m leaving, ladies. Dr. Cullen has all my patient charts.” With out waiting for a question, or any other word, I was out the door. I never left work early and I never took off. I left many confused people behind me.

Traffic laws were the least of my concerns. I pushed speeds pass their limits and the presence of the police mattered not. Maybe God was looking out for me that night because I know I was at twenty miles over the limit and every authority only looked through me. When I pulled into my drive I found Seth’s car parked nearly in the grass of the yard. I ran so quickly from the hospital I didn’t stop to think how he managed to make it to my house. Clearly, he was in no condition to drive just based on the sound of his voice alone. God was with him that night as well.

The blood told me what happened. Blood on the door handle. Crimson red on the wall by the security pad. Drops trailing from the foyer stopping at Seth’s broken body. The sight sent my own blood rushing through my body, bringing on my own illness. I had to keep myself under wrap as Seth was my priority.

“Seth . . . wake up, love!” I screamed as I fell to my knees near his broken body. He began to stir and mumble, and for the first time since I stepped into the house I took a breath.

“Ed . . . ward,” Seth voice was only a fraction of an audible whisper.

“I’m here. I have to get you to a hospital.”

“No! You’re a doctor, please treat me here. I’m fine now that you’re here.”

“You’ve lost a lot of blood. I may not be able to.”

“Please try. I don’t want to leave. Please don’t throw me away. I’m so sorry.” Seth started to slowly shake his head, protesting my words. He was visibly weak, and I didn’t want to cause him more emotional stress. His torn body was not going to be able to handle that as well.

“Okay. I’ll try, but if you need more than I can give you, I am taking you, whether you want to go or not.” I didn’t leave room for him to argue.

I slowly examined his neck and spine to make sure he was safe to move. I rolled him over onto his back and began removing his tattered shirt to examine what appeared to be deep cuts filled with both clear and colored glass. Luckily the cuts didn’t look to need stitches, but they desperately needed to be cleaned.

“Seth, can you stand? I need to get you out of these clothes and onto the couch.”

I slowly pulled him up and stripped him of his remaining clothes. That’s where I noticed the fresh stripes and paddle marks on his back. I figured this had all happened from a session but the glass cut and swollen face told me this was so much more. The hollow pit in my stomach assured me I was not going to like the whole story. Once I got Seth placed Seth down on the couch, I collected a sheet to cover his cold body, tweezers, gauze, medical tape, hot water and sponge, and my usual care kit. There was a lot of work to be done. I couldn’t give my love anything for the pain as he had already lost too much blood and I had no way of monitoring if the meds would cause a drop in pressure, the last thing that he needed. Since he had been unconscious at least once, I had to monitor him to ensure he didn’t slip into a coma or other unconscious state. Seth would have to suffer again through the pain. As I worked I monitored his breathing, no better way to do that than to have him talk.

“Tell me what happened, babe.”

“Let’s talk about something else,” Seth said, eyes clinched tight together. “How was your day?”

“Well, I was having a great day until I got a call that scared me half to death. Suddenly, my world came crashing down.” I didn’t know if Seth winced at my words or the large piece of glass I pulled from his hand.

“He knew; all a long he has known about me seeing you. I don’t know how.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“I walked into the house to find Caius fucking some guy named Marcus. They didn’t even stop. The whole time I was in the bathroom sick from the sight, they just kept going. The man left. I told Caius it was over. That’s when he attacked me; we fought. It was when he was holding me to the floor he said your name. He . . .” Seth started to say something else but never continued.

I was happy his voice was starting to clear but he never opened his eyes. Something deep down in me told me I already knew what it was Seth couldn’t say. Caius worked on fear and possessiveness. It wasn’t enough that he controlled Seth’s body and mind.

“Seth, did he . . . rape you?” The words were followed by bile collecting in my throat, threatening to come forth.

Seth didn’t say a word. His body shock so hard from the coming tears I had to restrain him to prevent any further injury caused by the glass still in his abdomen.

“Calm down, love. I’m here. I will take care of this,” I whispered in his ear. My words calmed him immediately, slowing his hysterical cries to a sob.

I continued to dress and clean his new wounds, and cleaned his body with the sponge. The tears only returned when I asked him if he felt like Caius tore anything during the rape. Seth said he was sore but didn’t think so. I moved Seth to my bed were I discreetly tried to check for myself as I rubbed him down with the moisturizer cream and was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

“Do you have to go to work?” Seth asked facing away from me as he lay on the bed.

“No. I’m off for the rest of the night.”

“Edward, will you lay with me? Hold me?

“Of course, Seth.” I wrapped Seth’s naked body in his favorite blanket while I laid pressed against his back. I wasn’t going to sleep any time soon.

“Edward, I wish you were my Master. You take care of me so well,” Seth said before he slowly drifted to sleep.

“Sleep now, gorgeous,” I respond. 

It was a long night. I watched as the love of my life had nightmare of only what I could assume was his horrid day. I would pull his tender body close to mine, whisper in his ear his safety and he would instantly calm down, finding sleep all over again. I knew Seth had never had an easy life but this was going to make it all the more harder. Caius didn’t just take his body that night but what was left of his self-esteem, confidence, and faith in men. I was never going to leave him. I was prepared for the struggle it was going to be to prove that to Seth.

The next two days consisted of nothing but staying with Seth as he lay resting. I expected him to sleep as much, his body and mind was trying to heal. The night following the incident I was scheduled off work, but just to be safe I requested the rest of the week off as well. Seth needed me. I contacted Seth’s boss at the bank, using my best doctor voice to inform them Seth was ill. The only time I dared to leave him was when I went to his apartment to get him some clothes. He cold have lived out of my closet, but I though having his own possessions there would make him feel more at home, more welcomed. I wasn’t letting him leave anytime soon. I brought the biggest suitcase I had and raked everything in his T-shirt, sock, and underwear drawers into the case; leaving nothing behind. I crabbed as many jeans and graphic tees I cold hold and two pairs of sneakers. Anything else he needed he could find at my place.

I was only gone forty minutes but when I returned home I found Seth screaming in the living room floor. I dropped the bag and ran to his side, pulling his head into my chest, trying desperately to sooth him.

“I’m here. Did you have another nightmare? It’s okay. I’m back.”

“You left me! You walked away like he said you would do and when I woke up you were gone. You threw me away!” Seth was undoubtedly having a panic attack.

“Never! I love you, Seth. I will never leave you.”

I managed to sooth Seth enough to get him back in bed but not before I got him into some of my sleep pants and a t-shirt, the first clothing he has worn since getting to my house two nights ago. When I was convinced that he was back asleep, I stepped into the hall, not wanting to be too far away from him, and made a call. The line rang three times before I heard the voice that brought me so much comfort.

“Hey, Demetri. I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks!


	12. The Reveal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its time to tell him everything . . .

The Reveal

(Edward’s POV)

I was happy and sad at the same time. Seth had been with me for a little over a month and was slowly coming to grips with what had happened. He was far from healed, but I wasn’t expecting for him to be. Seth was without a doubt damaged from the hell Caius inflected on him; it was all emotional and mental, however those were going to be harder scars to heal. He had returned to work a week after I found him partially unconscious in my living room floor, but he was without a doubt different.

Caius had tried to contact Seth several times over the course of that month. I begged Seth to change his number, but he refused. I respected him for that actually; not letting his asshole ex-boyfriend drive him to change his life much more than what he already had. But every time a text message came Seth would have a panic attack as if the bastard was standing over him. He would bring himself back to calm only later to continue to refuse to just get rid of the phone.   
At first the texts came once a day and slowly they drizzled down to once every few days, once a week and then finally they stopped. They would range from anything from “Don’t be late for dinner,” to “Why haven’t you been here in days?” and even as threatening as “It is not good to disrespect your Master. You should know that by now.” Each message pissed me off more but there was nothing I could do about it. Not that it would change anything (or I hoped it would not change anything) but Caius never apologize. He never made reference to the events that eventually drove Seth away. He acted as if nothing ever happened. He proved to be a sociopath who showed no remorse.

Seth had become a robot. He went straight to work and immediately returned to my house, our house. He wouldn’t talk often other than to say the dinner he had prepared was ready. I didn’t want him to lift a finger in the house but he insisted. I was concerned with his association with his time at my house and confusing it with the time he had been with Caius. In both “relationships” Seth returned in from work, cooked dinner, watched as we left for work and stayed alone until we returned. The parallels were eerie to me. As soon as I noticed them, I made every effort to immediately set in a change. I would halt Seth’s cooking in advance with take-out ordered before he made it home and I tried to spend our time together much as we had before this ugly mess began. We didn’t laugh at our corny movies anymore and as I stroked his hair he would only lay utterly still. Never did he moan my name in pleasure or lace our hands together like before. He had become a shell of who he once was. I missed my Seth (yes! my Seth) and was going to do everything, both in and out of my power, to get him back.

Though Seth had unofficially moved in with me, he had kept his apartment. I suggested to him to let the place go or sublet it, but he refused. He murmured something about maybe returning to purgatory, but I wasn’t sure I had heard him correctly. He never went to the apartment, as if he feared it. I would go by and pick up anything he needed, rather he asked me to or not. Seth feared he was crowding me, taking over my personal space, and offered to move into a hotel but I wouldn’t hear of it. That should have been the time I told him how much I loved coming home to his beautiful face, but my own fear caused me to pause, yet again. Seth had been through a lot. I didn’t want to corner him with such a heavy emotional load that he likely would not have been able to handle. 

Seth decided he needed to move out of my room, stating I at least needed my bed back; I really didn’t. That night Seth lugged his suitcase full of clothes to the guest bedroom. 

I felt like a complete ass. I’m a doctor and should have seen it coming. He wasn’t talking about the assault. He bounced back into his routine almost seamlessly. It was only a matter of time before something caused it all to come boiling over. I could only be thankful it happened at home, rather than at his job, and that I was off that night from the hospital.

I had reluctantly helped Seth carry his suits and shoes to the room directly across from mine. It was the farthest I was letting him get from me. As I hung up his clothes, Seth had begun putting his T-shirts, socks, and underwear away that had still been lying in my suitcase from weeks ago. We had worked in mostly silence, but I was happy that Seth seemed at ease with the choice he had made; I however was not. I knew I would miss having Seth’s body wrapped around mine for those last few hours before he got up to dress for work. He was always there waiting for me when I returned from the hospital. I had stepped out of the room to pay for the night’s dinner. When I returned, food in hand, I found Seth balled up in the floor clenching something to his chest. When I reached him I saw that his eyes were tightly closed and he sounded as if he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. Seth’s body was rigid and hard to move. I was sure he was having a break down but I was unaware of what could have caused it. 

“Seth, can you hear me? I’m right here. You have to slow down your breathing.” I had managed to set him up by pulling on his shoulders and forcing him into a seated position.

“Seth, what happened? You have to talk to me.” 

Seth was clinging on to something tightly in his hands holding it close to his heart. His position told me it was something he cherished but the pain on his face was negating that look. After a long time of silence, Seth’s tears broke through.

“It’s my fault. They always leave me. There must be something wrong with me. I will always be alone. I don’t deserve to have someone love me. I am damaged. I am damaged! Rotten. No good.” Seth’s eyes landed on mine. He was staring into my confused face and said the words that broke my heart, “You will leave too! Just go al-fucking-ready. I don’t need or want your damn pity.”

Before I could response, beg him to see how much I wanted him, Seth had began pushing on my chest. Despite being kneeled before his frame, I was able to hold my balance.

“Seth, calm down. You don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Are you calling me stupid?” Seth stood over me. “You’re right, I am a dumb fuck who keeps letting assholes like you hurt me. NO MORE!”

“I would never hurt you. I want to help you.” Without thinking I laid my hands on Seth’s chest in an attempt to sooth him. The resulting punch to my gut was shocking and painful. I wasn’t going to fight Seth. He was still my love, whether he knew it, or not, whether he wanted me to help him, or not. I was not giving up on him as so many others had.

I stepped away from Seth with pain in my eyes. I could feel the bruise that was forming on my abdomen, but the pain was for Seth, not me. I walked out of his room leaving an angry man behind, as well as the tipped over Chinese food.

I laid across my bed in utter silence. Nothing was on in my room other than a bed side lamp. I had cried; I had wanted to scream. I punched my pillow, and then I cried some more. I watched as the early evening turned into night fall. I finally fell asleep watching that night sky and still crying. I awoke the next morning to Seth asleep in the recliner in the corner of the room. I didn’t want to disturb him, but as I sat up in my bed I couldn’t help but stare at him, and question why.

Why did he think I would leave him? Why after all this time he still did not trust me?

I hadn’t moved from my seated position on the bed and had barely taken a breath since seeing him there uncomfortable in the chair. Yet, as if I had called him by name, I watched as he opened his eyes and focused full on me. His eyes showed signs that he had been crying all night as well.

“Hey,” Seth whispered. I realized I really wasn’t upset with Seth anymore. I wasn’t mad at what he had done, I was angry at what he had not done; talked to me. Thought I wanted to speak back, my throat had locked shut and I seemed unable to open my mouth, as if it had been glued together. Seth shifted uneasily in his seat, misreading my lack of words. I could see he was still clinging to something.

“I don’t think I ever told you but I was nineteen years old when I got my first Dom. He later became my Master; Master Jason. You know I’m not close to my mother, and I never knew my father. There was really no one there to teach me about real life, or this lifestyle.” I sat and listened quietly. “I was never worth anyone’s time, anyone’s care . . . or kindness.” Seth stood up and slowly began walking towards the bed. He slipped the object out of one hand and began fumbling with the end of what I then recognize as a necklace. On the end of the chain hung a cursive “F,” in red and black metal. I still didn’t know its significance.

“They were all I had.” Seth eyes stayed locked on the chain. “I knew what they wanted and who I was with them. It was nice to be wanted for something, by somebody. Though in the end of the day I knew they weren’t any good for me. I only clung tighter. I didn’t know how to be without them. I don’t know how to love and maybe that is why I will never find love for myself. I couldn’t lose them no matter what, and yet I did every single time. No matter how good of a sub I was, or tried to be, it was never good enough and they would throw me away.” Seth didn’t meet my eyes until he handed me the necklace he had held for dear life.

“It was given to me by my Master before Caius. His name was Felix.”

“The one who moved to St. Louis,” I said realizing all at once. I remember Seth briefly discussing him when he told me about himself, and how he came to end up with Caius.

“Yeah . . . They always leave.” Seth voice was cracking with the tears that nearly overflowed. He cleared his voice and began again. “I’m sorry Edward. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You didn’t . . .”

“Don’t tell me I didn’t. I might not have hurt you physically but I know I did hurt you.” Seth was looking everywhere but at me. “I know you would do nothing to hurt me. I’m just all screwed up.”

“You’ve been through a lot, all of your life and given . . . recent events, you are welcomed to a breakdown every once and a while. I just want you to talk to me, like you use to do. Seth, you can push as hard as you can but until you order me away, I am not going anywhere. You are not going to scare me away, either.” I lifted Seth’s chin and stared at those windows to his soul, trying to find the secret to his happiness. Looking for a hint of what I could do to make all the pain and insecurities go away. I wanted so badly to be closer to him, sooth him. I wanted nothing more than to take his lips with hunger. Despite it all I still wanted Seth. I knew there were hard roads ahead of him, a head of us if I ever took the chance, but I was willing to risk it all. 

“Do you want to push me away? Do you want me to leave?”

Seth silence scared me and for a moment I thought he was going to confirm my fears. Seth didn’t feel for me what I obviously did for him. I watched as the question sat hovering between the two of us on that bed. I felt like I needed to free him; remove the guilt that he may have been feeling about just telling me he didn’t want to stay around anymore.

“Seth, you won’t hurt my feelings if you want to go.” I shrugged the rest of the statement off. It wasn’t a complete lie: It wouldn’t hurt my feelings, it would kill me.

“Edward,” Seth toyed with the necklace now back in his hands, “sometimes I think it would be best if I just left, or you left me.” I hung my head waiting for the rest of that axe to fall. “If we just walked away from each other nobody would get hurt anymore, but I’m too selfish to let you go.”

Seth was serious, but I couldn’t do anything but smile. I took Seth’s hand in mine and we sat in silence for a while. Eventually we did actually get to moving around, starting our separate day. Later that night, I walked into Seth’s room only to find the necklace was hanging from his mirror. I thought that he would have thrown it away, or at the very least packed it back into his drawer where it had apparently been hiding at his apartment, but instead he left it out in plain sight. He wasn’t ready to let it go. He wasn’t ready to let them, and everything they stood for, go.

~xXx~

My relationship with Demetri changed as a result of things. I opened up to Demetri about everything going on in Seth, and our relationship. Half of the story wasn’t mine to tell, but I had to do it since I was requesting Demetri’s help. Our sessions stopped as well. Demetri felt that I wasn’t in the right place to deal with a session because even though my control was on its way back up, my mind was too focused on other things to be in any sub space.

I couldn’t argue with him over that (and not just because he was my Dom). Seth was always on my mind, more now than ever before. If I couldn’t keep my mind on work, constantly thinking about Seth and what he should possibly do next, than I knew I would be unable to stay focus during a session. I thought mostly because I would be feeling too guilty. How could I be pleasured when the man I secretly loved was at home miserable? No, I was not in the proper place for any scenes.

Where Demetri left off as a Dom he picked up as a friend and confidant. He unofficially became my therapist. He tried to help me understand why Seth was shutting down even more than before.

“Edward, I don’t know Seth, but from what you tell me, I can only think that he just needs a better support system,” Demetri said as he cut into his food. We had substituted sessions with lunch.

“Okay, what do you mean?” I knew Seth’s friends were none existent. Truth be told, I was his only one. Seth didn’t talk to anyone outside of work, and Quil was still holding his ground. He didn’t even know of what Caius had done to Seth. It was probably for the best. Quil without a doubt would have torn into Seth and Seth really couldn’t handle that right now.

“He needs to talk to someone; a therapist or a counselor. Not just anybody though. It should be someone in our world. We need to fix the problem, and his desire to be tied up is not his problem.”

As usual, Demetri was right. It was the painful truth of doctors and counselors. They found out a patient liked to be spanked, or into bondage, and suddenly the person had deep routed childhood issues that needed to be worked out. That was all they were able to focus on. Only those who both practiced medicine, and lived in this world, understood that our kink had nothing to do with the problems in our lives; most of the times.

“I have contacts if you need them.”

“Yeah, I guess it couldn’t hurt. He can’t do anything but try and hit me again.”

“What? When in the hell did this happen?” Demetri was furious. I had never seen his emotions change so quickly. “I will not stand for him hurting you Edward.” Demetri dropped his fork onto the table, yet he clenched his knife with enough force I suspected it would buckle under the pressure.

“Demetri, it was nothing. It happened two nights ago. He had a bit of an episode and when I tried to check on him he pushed me.” Demetri was angry enough, no need to send him into a rage by telling him about the resulting punch.

“I will not have him abusing you! I don’t care what somebody else did to him. This is how cycles start.” Demetri was talking through his locked teeth. I could tell he was trying to keep himself in check, not to draw attention to us in the restaurant.

“Demetri don’t . . .”

“I’m serious, Edward. I know how much you care for him. I see it in your eyes. I hear it in your voice when you talk about him. Don’t let your feeling for him cloud your judgment.”

I was speechless. I thought I knew Seth would never hurt me, but Demetri’s words left a gaping hole in that trust. If Seth and I ever went beyond friends, I knew he would bring his lack of trust and baggage of abuse with him, but would that translate into Seth being abusive towards me? It was a hard pill to swallow, and suddenly I wasn’t very hungry.

“I’m sorry Edward. I don’t mean to upset you or talk bad about Seth.”

“No, no Demetri you’re fine. That’s why I wanted your help. To be honest I had never thought about any of this.” My eyes were still dazed from the shock of the realization. I was face down in my half eaten food but I really didn’t see it. I could only focus on the thoughts that were now swimming in my head. “I . . . I don’t think Seth would hurt me.” My words sounded so unsure. My head was spinning. I could feel my dreams floating away. Could I want something that could be unhealthy for me?

The air between Demetri and I was heavy. I was so lost in my thoughts of Seth and my future I hadn’t realized that I hadn’t said anything else.

“Edward, I really am sorry.” Demetri rubbed his hand through his short hair. “I just care about you and I don’t want to see you hurt.” Demetri laid his hand a top of mine. It was small gesture but it was what I needed right then to pull me back down to Earth.

“Why Demetri, has my green eyed charm finally gotten to you?” I joked squeezing his hand. Anything to lighten the tense mood that had begun to hang over our lunch table.

“Sorry sexy, but no.” Demetri swatted my hand away. “So, will I ever get to meet him?”

“Yes, I would love for you two to meet, but maybe not right now.” There was nothing more important to me than for my two favorite men to meet, but I knew from past conversations with Seth that it may have been uncomfortable for him. Seth knew of Demetri as my Dom and there was no need waving that in his face right now.

“When you’re ready, I’ll be there.” Demetri gave me his large dimpled smile before returning to his once neglected plate of food.

“Now, I just have to figure out what to do about Caius. Seth has utterly refused to go to the police. Not that it would make a difference now that a whole month has passed since the rape.”

“Don’t worry about that part. Caius will be taken care of.”

Demetri’s words were vague and yet very sure. I wanted to question him about it but his nonchalant attitude and something deep in my own mind told me to let it go.

~xXx~

I waited until my next off day to talk to Seth about therapy options. I didn’t want to suggest something so big, so important, only to have to leave him alone for the rest of the night. I didn’t know how to approach such a topic. I figured straight forward was as good as anything. Since Seth’s breakdown, now over a week ago, things between us were even more tenses. He avoided my touch, and our nights together were spent separated, rather than in each other’s arms. I was losing him more and more and it wasn’t something I could handle.

Seth had come home later than he usually did. Working longer hours seemed to be his weapon of choice to avoid me. I prepared dinner for the two of us and watched him as we sat in silence. The dinner table that night seemed familiar; it reminded me of a dinner table of my childhood. It was the same unnatural silence I witnessed between my parents for over a year, before they finally broke down and told me they were getting a divorce. I was not going to let Seth and I end that way before we even started.

We each sat on the side length of the table, neither of us taking the head end. I believed that was the submissive in both of us working. That night I took lead. Right when I thought he was done eating and about to leave the table I made my move. I swiftly stood, took the chair that sat at the head of the table, and slid it close to Seth to block him in. This had to be done now.

“Seth, you need to talk to someone. You need to go to a therapist, counselor, or something.” I watched as confusion and anger played tag across his features. “I’m not telling you to.” I took his hand in mine, “I am only suggesting.”

“What the fuck, Edward?” Seth jumped up knocking his chair to the floor. “If you don’t want me here just fucking tell me to leave!”

“Seth, stop putting words in my mouth.” I stood, but didn’t move closer. Seth anger was flaring and I didn’t want a repeat of our last shouting match.

“Words in your mouth? You’re telling me to go talk to some damn stranger. For what? So they can tell me shit I already know. I’m fucked up! Or no, I know, they can cure me of my diseases-being gay and submissive.”

“Listen to me. I don’t want you to leave. Fuck! I didn’t even want you to leave my bed. I just miss you and this isn’t you! Seth, you’re always so angry and you hardly talk. I see you avoiding me and I don’t know why and it make me so . . . lost. It’s like I can’t reach you anymore. I miss you, all of you, so much.” I had subconsciously been walking closer to him. “I have a person in mind. She will not try and fix what is not broken. She is a part of our world.”

“I’m broken now?” Seth was steaming. The red glow that was his beautiful blush was now surfacing out of anger. Seth was focusing on all the wrong words and it was causing me to lose patience.

“Shut the fuck up Seth and listen!” My voice got deeper; so angry and frustrated, forcing it to boom louder than I had ever heard myself before. “You are not broken, you are angry and scared and confused and that’s fine, but you need to get all this shit off your chest. Then maybe you can start to get better. Get back to who you really are. I love you, okay? Not as a friend, or a brother, but as so much more. I miss lying with you and holding you. You have had a place in my heart since the first time you ever came here. I want all of you, damaged and all. I am asking you to do this because of that love I have for you, but you have to do this for yourself. You can no longer use the excuse that no one cares for you. I care. I always have.”

My anger was still there but my tears were flowing as well. That wasn’t how he should have found out, but something in me broke and it was flowing out before I could stop it. Seth stood before me, head bowed, hands down at this side in tight fists. My moment sent Seth into his submissive state. I already knew that was how he handled tense and stressful situations. That was how he was able to processes it all. I didn’t want to demand anything of him, command him to do anything. The sight retarded my anger.

“Seth . . . I . . . I wasn’t trying to.” The words couldn’t, or wouldn’t come out. “Just think about it, okay?”

As much as I wanted to touch him I resisted. I slowly walked away backwards from his position only turning when I met the hallway. I retreated to my room like a coward. In the end I did exactly what I said I wouldn’t: I told him something that even a “healthy” person might have had a hard time trying to accept. I told him I loved him and then I ran from him. To add insult to injury I asked him to see a therapist, and for that I ran as well. I couldn’t hear Seth moving about the house, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if he was gone for good when I awoke.

I deserved as much. Where did I get off screaming at him? I deserved to be alone. It was always about what Seth may not have been able to handle, but maybe it was all me. Seth left one asshole of a Master and moved on to the next. It may not have been healthily, physically or otherwise, but at least he did move on. Me? I hadn’t been in a relationship for over two years. Not because I didn’t have options, but because I kept making excuses that really only rounded out to be my fear of moving on. I was just as screwed up, maybe even more so than Seth. Maybe, I just didn’t know how to do this anymore.

The next morning was already looking gloomy. Physically, my body was sleeping or in some form of unconscious state. I didn’t recall watching the clock, or staring at the ceiling. The last sight before me was the night sky; no stars, only darkness. Yet, I felt far from rested. I tossed and turned most of the night. There were no dreams. No nightmares. Only the darkness.

Though I had no reason to get up, I pulled myself out of bed and made my way to the coffee pot. My alarm clock said it was just before six a.m. I slowly trudged to the kitchen. As I approached, my nose was bombarded with the strong aroma of fresh coffee and something sweet. While the smell was intoxicating it was the thought that Seth may have in fact stayed that moved my feet along.

I stepped into the dining room to find Seth dressed and seated at his usual spot at the table. His square shoulders looked strong in his light blue George button down. His head was bowed and he sat rigidly still. Though he likely heard my approached, he did not acknowledge my presence. I walked cautiously, not knowing what to expect. On the table sat my favorite coffee cup with the sugar and cream bowl beside it. My favorite Danish, from Yummy Mornings Bakery, sat on the plate beside it; steam still flowing from the fresh pastry. The plate and cup didn’t sit on one of the place mats on the table. Instead, it sat off to the side, between my usual seat on the right side and the head of the table. I had to make a decision and the decision was going to speak volumes.

Last night changed something in both me and the way Seth viewed me. He wanted me to make a choice. Taking my familiar seat was taking on my usual role, but taking the head chair was taking charge. It wouldn’t make me his Dom, or even put us in a relationship. It just meant a change. Above all else, it meant I would be by his side. That, no matter what else, was always going to be the case.

I slid the cup and plate towards the head chair and took a seat. Placing my hand on top of the table I silently asked permission for him to take my hand. Slowly he placed his right hand in my left and his sad eyes found my own. We sat in silence only looking at the other, never moving. It was probably our most intimate moment, yet it confirmed and changed nothing yet.

“You really think I should go?” Seth asked looking back down at the cherry wood table.

“I don’t think it would hurt if you just tried it.” I moved my head trying to meet his eyes again. I was unsuccessful and started rubbing his hand with my thumb. It was as close as we had been in so long and his warm hand in mine made my heart leap. Silence found us again for a while. 

“Did you mean what you said last night? That you care for me?”

I tried to sit still, not letting my nervous send the wrong impression. I didn’t want him to think I had changed my mind.

“Yes, Seth. I know I love you.” I squeezed his hand. “I don’t know what else to say or do. All I know is that I must help you… help us. I just don’t want to be without you, ever again.”

The butterflies flipped in my stomach. Determination spread across Seth’s face.

“I’m going to need that therapist’s name and number.” Though he smiled, it never quite reached his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you in advance for the Kudos and Comments. I would love to hear from you all.


	13. Best Served Cold

Best Served Cold

(??? POV) 

Waiting was the hard part. The recon I could do. Gathering the information; watching their every moved, trying to learn when it best to attack; that was bearable. But once I had them in my hands, the last thing I wanted to do was wait. I was too anxious and excited to be hanging around; trying to pass the time until they awoke. So as I sat in the dark room of the long abandoned ballet studio, I thought back to how I was given such an opportunity. 

She was beautiful and she was my angel; my baby sister Victoria. I use the term “baby sister” loosely as she was only five minutes younger than me. I never let her forget that fact. It wasn’t hard to remind her either; when we turned seventeen years old we got “5 min” tatted on our shoulders; mine on the left and hers on the right. We were inseparable.

I was the big brother but really she protected me. When I was fourteen years old I accepted the fact that I was gay and that was a harsh reality to step into living in a small rural town in Texas. They were about ten to fifteen years behind the times and bigotry was the town’s pride. There were plenty of fights to be had, and I had my own share. Really, I expected the worst when I accepted my preference to men. What I didn’t expect for was for my father to be leading the angry mob.

My father really was a good man, and for the longest time he was my hero; until he wasn’t. That position became vacant when at fifteen, still deep in the closet, my father called to me as I stood in the yard with over half our school basketball team.

“Stop flirting and get your funny ass in this house.”

That was the afternoon our entire little town learned my secret. The next semester I quit the team. I’m sure my momma told my dad I was gay; only she and Victoria knew. Victoria started protecting me at home that very night. She loved our father just as much, but she couldn’t stand for hate. She had a rebuttal to every one of dad’s homophobic outburst. Many times she questioned his sexuality. She was made of gold in my book.

When we left home for college we each went different ways. She went to Oklahoma and I went to Southern Texas. Victoria urged me to live my life how I wanted and to be proud of what and who I was. I finished school and became a bounty hunter; opening up my own agency. Victoria just became . . . distant. She began to cancel our weekend get-togethers, or she just wouldn’t show up at all. When we did finally get to see her she brought along a guy she introduced as her boyfriend, Laurent. Dad, in his usual self, began to harass Victoria and her absences. Victoria began to disappear again. 

Not being able to stand it anymore, I showed up one day on her porch in Oklahoma. It was hard not to notice her inability to stand up straight or the marks that were visible under her shirt when it would rise up. I assumed that Laurent was beating my sister and I was ready to take care of the problem then. That’s when I learned what lifestyle she had been secretly living. It didn’t sit well with me. 

“Don’t judge me, James. I never judged you!” She screamed at me as we sat in her living room.

No, she never did judge me. She stood with me when no one else had. My impromptu meeting reignited our bond and we were able to talk and see each other more. Victoria started telling me about her secret life and I had to admit some aspect of it was . . . hot. I started playing with bondage, but still couldn’t deal with the S&M the beating and wounds. But I had a sister to protect, so I learned as much about it as I could. That’s how I knew things had gone too far, but by then I was too late.

I discovered her body at her home a day after she had died. The medical examiner ruled her death as cardiac arrest, likely induced by stress. Victoria was only thirty-two years old and in excellent health. I told the police all that I knew including my sister’s life style choice and what exactly could have caused her death. The investigation into her boyfriend, Laurent, ended in a cold case, but not for this hunter. 

I found him a year later. We had a very full contact conversation. I let him live, but left him with a very painful reminder of what he took from me. The scorched flesh stamped “V” will forever stare back at him in the mirror for the rest of his life.

It became apparent to me that my sister’s end was the unfortunate case for too many people in this world. I learned through various sources about other abusive Dominants. No one was going to the police; they were afraid or knew their abuse would be ignored because of the life they lived. I, and a few others like me, became their police. I was underground, only trusted circle of Dominants knew me and what I was capable of. It was from them I received my assignments. They verified the severity and truth behind the offenses. I enforced the justice. 

That’s what led me to Washington. My latest assignment: Caius Ricci. The “judge and jury” had found him guilty of abuse, improper treatment of a sub, and perversion of a leather lifestyle. It was finally judgment day. 

“Uuugh,” Caius groaned. “What the fuck?” Caius said rolling his head on his shoulders.

“Finally he awakens! You may want to be careful; your head is going to be a little . . . heavy for a minute. Side effect of the chloroform gas.”

Caius began to struggle against his restraints. The vermin hung exposed, limbs pulled in the four directions, causing his body to hang in “X” formation three feet off the ground. His wrist and ankles were in leather cuffs. Connected to each cuff was thick chain linked connected to a rope pulley system. With the tug of one string, I could extent the tension on his limps, lift and lower him as needed.

“Who the fuck are you? Let me go! I will kick your ass!” Caius struggled harder against his cuffs and chains.

“Okay. I’ll let you go, but first we have to talk.” I stood from my chair hiding in the shadow. I pulled the ski mask over my face and hit the switch to illuminate the studio, showing Caius his stage.

Sometime I think I’m a bit dramatic. As the lights lit up the ruined studio, they exposed the hall of mirrors; reflecting four images of Caius exposed bodies. He was going to see and feel everything I did.

“Look, take whatever you want. Please! Please, just let me go.”

“Now that is just disappointing. Usually I at least get to begin before the guilty starts begging.” I hit the record button on the camera sitting on the tripod before Caius.

“Guilty? I haven’t done anything.” Caius anger began to flare again; rocking wildly against his bondage.

“Of course you didn’t. I’m sure it is all just one big mistake,” I said sarcastically.

I didn’t really like talking to the condemned. They only lied and begged, and that only angered me more. No, I rather they be silent, accept their punishment. I would gag them, but there would come a time when they had to speak. Claim their crimes. 

I pulled the leather whip from my table of goodies. I slowly walked to Caius who watched me closely. I could see as his eyes widen in anticipation of what was to come. I pulled back the flogger, whipping it onto his exposed skin. I pulled back on the tool a second time, flicking my wrist just as the lines of the device kissed his skin, ensuring that it would whip back around his body, striking him twice. Caius grunted at the contact, but barely fluttered. 

“Before we leave you will tell me what you are charged with. Understood?” I yelled at him touching his skin again with the whip.

“Go to hell.” Caius uttered in a breathy response.

The camera recorded, catching every one of Caius’ screams, yelps, begging to stop, and chains rattling. His body had been whipped with floggers, pounded with paddles, and stripped with canes, but my favorite was the electric shock.

I stood before the remaining piece of Caius, admiring my work. His once pale white skin had been painted red and bruises were starting to form. I picked up the tuning fork and connected it to the wires that ran to the mini battery pack. I held the tool before Caius, making sure he saw the electric arch as I pushed the power button.

“God, please don’t. I’m sorry, okay? I won’t . . . I will never do it again,” Caius cried.

“You won’t do what again?” Caius never answered my question. “Now you wouldn’t just be saying what you think I want to hear, would you?” I placed the hot metal to Caius unmarked inner thigh. Caius shook against his restraint. Had he not been held by the chains, the pulse would have sent him crashing to the ground.

“I don’t know,” Caius could barely speak. “I don’t know what I did!” Caius mustered up his strength and screamed directly at the camera. He clenched his eyes closed, desperately trying to catch his breath.

“That doesn’t surprise me. Why would you recognize the damage and pain you inflect? Why would you care to see the shit YOU put into motion?” I sent the electrical shock to his opposite thigh, holding it longer than the last. “You are not worth the title ‘Master.’ You are a virus. You infect this world, leaving behind nothing but destruction.” My fury was localized to the finger on the power button, as my hand drug the fork across Caius’ thigh, biceps, ass, and calf muscle. I watched as his body flexed, arched and whipped at the torture. The shock without a doubt was felt through every nerve ending in his body but they would not leave a scar. No, that task was saved for the finale.

“WHO? FUCK! JUST TELL ME WHO?”

“How many have you destroyed, Master? I don’t question you have probably shattered dozens, but today I only stand for one.”

Silence fell between the two of us. Caius laid his head against his arm, sweat beading across his entire body. He wasn’t going to last much longer. He knew; he just had to claim it.

“Seth,” Caius barely whispered.

“LOUDER!”

“Seth! Seth . . . Seth Clearwater,” Caius kept repeating, looking direct into this reflection staring back at him from four different directions.

“And what did you do to Seth Clearwater?”

“I . . . I didn’t . . . treat him the way I should have.”

“YOU DID MORE THAN THAT! Tell the truth. What did you do?” The electrical arch was slid down the back of his thigh, calf, and foot.

“Okay! I . . . I abused him. I didn’t care for him like a Master should. I used him, hurt him.”

“What else?” This would soon be over. 

Caius hesitated. He knew what this was about and it was time he accepted it for himself.

“I raped him and left him.” Caius words came out in a rush of breath. His eyes were drowning in tears; those that did not streak his face and collecting with his sweat.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Caius Ricci, you are guilty of abuse, improper treatment of a sub, and perversion of a leather lifestyle by your own admission.”

“Yes.”

“Now, for your final punishment.” I fetched the metal stamp from its place in the fiery coals. Caius screams drowned out the sounds of the clinging metal and sizzling flesh.

~xXx~

(Caius POV)

I awoke in the middle of the floor of Midnight Sun. My head was swimming like a long night of brown and clear shots. I slowly rolled my face across the cold concrete floor, trying to fight against the heat pouring from my body. As I rolled onto my back, I could feel the soaring pain being shot through every muscle in my body.

“What the fuck happened?” I asked nobody, as the club was empty. My eyes locked on the window above the bar. The light was shining brightly through. I tried to recall the last thing I remembered. I knew I closed the club down but it was dawn then and the bright sun told me it was still dawn. How long had I been out?

“Caius? Where the hell you been, man?” Eric came walking through the door. “We were waiting on you last night.”

“Last night?” I tried desperately to pull the missing time together.

“Yeah, man. You’ve been MIA for like twenty-four hours. Marcus and everybody has been looking for you.” Eric helped me off the floor. My left side burned worst than the rest of my body. I placed my hand there, feeling the cotton bandage underneath my shirt.

“You okay, man?” Eric sounded concerned.

“Yeah. I’m straight.” I pulled myself from his arms with unnecessary force, trying to regain my appearance of the unyielding man.

I finally made it home, still trying to piece together my night. Slowly the memory of chains, mirrors, camera, and a deep raspy voice came flooding back to me.

As soon as I stepped in the house, my eyes locked on the brown package sitting in the middle of my dining room table. On top of the unaddressed brown package was a white square with typed print:  
“THIS IS NOT THE ONLY COPY.”

I tore into the package, finding a DVD with no label. It was all coming back to me but everything in me still wanted to deny it. I put the DVD into the player; debating with myself as to if I really wanted to see what was on it. I knew I had to do it. My hand was shaking as I pressed the play button on the remote. Instantly, my ears were bombarded with my own screams as a shadow figure stood behind me cracking a cane against my back. I stumbled back from my place in front of my living room entertainment system, dropping the system remote. It was all true; the pain that was heavy on my mind and pulsating in my body had all happened.

Again my hand fell on the same muscle beneath my shirt. I sprinted to the bathroom, ripping the fabric from my body. Through the polished surface of my shower door I could see reflecting back to me in my vanity mirror all the lashes, all the whacks and stripes. I had been thoroughly punished. I stared at the three inch white gauze, surprised as I felt the heat from my phantom tears roll down my face.

My unsteady hand reached to remove the medical tape. The cotton fibers stuck to the raw skin causing more pain. I clenched my eyes closed pulling at the square all at once, trying to bare the pain. I looked into the mirror before me staring at the burnt flesh shaped as nothing more than a large “S.”

I didn’t register the screams as mine.

I didn’t recognize the hands pulling on my hair.

It didn’t all come flooding to me until I crashed onto the chilling floor of my lonely bathroom, shaking. My tears were running like a faucet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading


	14. Opening Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't receive it until you truely want it . . . .

Opening Wounds  
(Seth POV)

I couldn’t believe I was sitting there; in the waiting room of a therapist. A stranger was going to tell me how to fix my fucked up life. I’ve walked this bumpy road for twenty-six years and I didn’t know what to do from day to day but some shrink was going to have all the answers with the click of her pen and unrelated questions like “What time in the morning/night were you born?” and “What side of the bed did you sleep on?” The only good thing was that I wasn’t in a hospital.

Walking into the office space I would have thought I was anywhere but a psychologist’s office. The receptionist greeted me with a wide, toothy smile as she pointed me to the waiting area. There was no clip board of survey question to be filled out, giving the shrink some information to work with when they asked the loaded questions later. The room was decorated with black and white landscape art in large silver and black frames. The large plasma television played the nations news as the caption showed on the screen, blocking the update that scrolled across the bottom. All the chairs were black, cloth, cushioned with a half a foot between each chair. I was comfortable with the space; the last thing I needed was to be sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with some guy I didn’t know, nor cared to get to know. That wouldn’t have been a problem though, the waiting area had only two other people. There was the woman sitting on the opposite wall from me. She was pretty, but in a very cliché kind of way: blond hair, blue eyes, long legs, pouty lips and curvy, everything a straight man would likely want. I couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with her. The other guy seemed normal enough too. He was cute in an all American kind of way with his dark brown hair and boy like face. Nothing stood out about him yet there had to be something or else he wouldn’t be here, right? I was sure they were wondering the same thing about me.

Why was I there?

Edward Masen was why I was there. Over the last month or so things between us had been getting increasingly difficult. I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place: I didn’t want to go back to my apartment but I was wearing my welcome out with Edward; or so I thought. Who wanted to leave heaven for purgatory? Though things were difficult between us, just being inside Edward’s house, surrounded by the things that were his and his home’s aura still made it heavenly. Yet I couldn’t let my place go. It was only a matter of time till Edward would want me to leave and I would have nowhere else to go. 

Memories of the time spent with Quil and all the time spent recuperating from Caius was splattered all over those walls. I couldn’t look at them anymore. I couldn’t go back there. I had already decided as soon as my lease was up I was moving. So to at least help Edward, until I grew a set and left, I had to move out of his bedroom. That hurt me but by that point I was pained enough and a little bit more wasn’t going to make a difference. Edward didn’t try to convince me to stay in his room really; further letting me know my time in heaven was coming to an end. I don’t really know what I was expecting Edward to say. We weren’t together; we were hardly even close anymore.

Edward caught it all. My breakdowns and crying, my unease, confusion, and more than anything else, my anger. I had even physically attacked him. It hurt to see us getting further and further apart, but there was nothing I could do. I tried to protect what was left of my heart and began distancing myself from Edward by working late, or not lying with him in the living room. Too often I wanted to take his hand in mine or lay across his firm lap as I wrapped myself in his blanket. Those nights alone, as Edward was away at the hospital and I lay in the middle of the bed in the guest bedroom, I felt more alone than I had in my entire adult life. The pain was amplified when Edward was there, in his bed, only a few feet away. My body screamed to be connected to his as if it knew that what it really needed was so close. I lay awake wondering if Edward missed my touch as much as I missed his. I had fallen for Edward and there was no fixing it now. It was more than just his gorgeous green eyes and lean build. Now it was all of him. Edward was kind and gentle and considerate. I was going to endure the heartbreak I tried so desperately to avoid from the very beginning. 

Yet when Edward stood before me that night just two weeks ago screaming how much he cared, how much he loved me, I didn’t want to believe it. I thought it was my damaged mind playing tricks on me, telling me what I wanted to hear. But it wasn’t a dream or a hallucination. Edward said he loved me. I knew Edward cared, he proved that all those nights he fixed what Caius had broken, but love never occurred to me. I kept questioning how it was possible for this angel to feel anything for someone as lowly as me. It was expected for me to love him, he was angelic and everything a higher creature should be. The human always falls for the angel but the angels are not supposed to fall for the human. That night I didn’t sleep. I stared at the ceiling repeating his words to myself. He wanted more of me.

“I love you, okay? Not as a friend, or a brother, but as so much more. I miss lying with you and holding you. You have had a place in my heart since the first time you ever came here. I want all of you, damaged and all.”

I had the opportunity to have what I wanted, even if it meant possibly dragging down an angel. I was too selfish to consider how bad I was for Edward at that moment. I wanted him more than I wanted the air in my lungs and as long as he would let me, I was going to hold on for dear life.  
So as I sit here waiting on a Dr. Glover, I internally chant “for tomorrow with Edward, for tomorrow with Edward.” Without that mental reminder, without that green eyed wonder of a reason, I would have left. Correction-I wouldn’t have come at all. I knew I had things that happened to me and the catastrophic end of Caius and I was just another chapter in my fucked up book of life. Shit happened. Life was a terrible thing to happen to a person. It was nothing to stop functioning over. You cry and you scream and you try your best to move on. It will always stick with you and be a part of which you are; molding you. You just try your best not to rub it off onto someone else. 

Apparently I had been doing a bad job at that. Edward, the innocent, was getting covered in my shit. He didn’t deserve that. He deserved someone better, stronger, saner than I was. Maybe one day he will come to his senses and see that. But I had to give us a fighting chance. If listening to some glorified know-it-all was going to get me a chance with Edward, a pass to try for my happily ever after, then I had to at least try. 

Edward and I hadn’t talked about the declaration, or what it meant for us. To be honest, I was happy with our opposite work schedules for the first time; I wasn’t ready to talk about it with him. I hadn’t declared my feeling for Edward and I was too afraid to do so. I don’t attract the good guys, so if I wanted Edward than that meant that he had some fatal flaw I hadn’t seen yet. I wasn’t ready to lose my perfect rendition of Edward. Edward must have been second guessing his decision to let the cat out of the bag as well, or was concern that I hadn’t told him how I felt because he hadn’t brought up the topic again either. On those two days he had been off since his shocking words or those few short hours before he went to work, we seemed to be on egg shells. Our activities hadn’t changed, corny movies and dinner eaten at the same table, but suddenly there seemed to be a meaning behind everything. The way his hand brushed mine, the way he said my name, or hello and goodbye. I tried to analyze it all looking for the reason.

We did sit closer on the couch and occasionally our hands would brush. I would blush like I had a school house crush. Edward continued to sit at the head of the table and to me that was where he always belonged. We didn’t talk about what was going to happen next and I honestly didn’t know what we were afraid of. I guess the same thing that kept us from revealing ourselves from the beginning was now shielding us from what to do about those feelings. Edward had sat the stage to put it all out in the open and yet we still held back. I was hoping that seeing this therapist would at least begin to show Edward my hand. 

“Mr. Clearwater? Follow me please,” a woman said standing before me. She ushered me into a small hallway towards two doors, one on each side of the hallway. She opened the door that lined the left wall, signaling for me to go in ahead of her. She patted the red seat of the small chair in front of a desk. She reappeared at my side presenting me with bottle water. 

“Dr. Glover will be coming in just a few moments.” I gave her a short nod as she left the office.

The space was comfortable enough. Nothing about the room was intimidating as I expected it to be. The desk was modest and clean; orderly. Only a few folders sat atop of it, next to the flat screen computer. There were no personal items on the desk, like family pictures, but the room was far from absent of any framed photos. 

Directly in front of the chair I occupied were two large framed photos. Each had to be at least 15x17. The picture on the left was a woman in a leather corset of sort, bound by an intricate knot and pulley system. The woman face was partially covered by her extended arm as her body was posed in a reveres fetal position. Though her face could not be seen, her eyes said it all. They smolder in the picture and screamed fierce pleasure. The second photograph was of a man on his knees, his back facing the camera. Both arms were held behind him by four leather straps ranging in sizes small enough to bind his wrist to large enough to hold his massive biceps. The man was obviously naked and his body was turned slightly, yet still hiding his manhood. His face peaked over his left shoulder, stealing glances at the lucky individual holding the camera. His eyes were soft and screamed “take me” I couldn’t look away from it until the sound of the door startled me. 

The woman that walked in I could only assume was my new doctor. She wore a pair of khaki color flair dress pants that matched the jacket that hung on the back of her chair. Her black shirt was clinging to her small frame. She wore a scarf around her neck with alternating black, white, and light brown stripes. The scarf was long enough to hang to her small waist although it was loosely wrapped around her neck twice.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Seth,” she said, bending over behind her desk, her long dark blonde hair curtaining beside her.

“That’s alright, I guess.” Suddenly my nerves were bubbling up inside me. I wasn’t so sure I was going to be able to do this.

“Well, let’s get started, shall we?” Dr. Glover motioned for me to follow her to another sitting area inside her office. A smaller red love seat sat in front of a chair with a coffee table in between.

I took my seat on the couch and sighed. How cliché was this really going to be?

“I am sure you have deduced I am Dr. Cindy Glover and I am hoping we will become close.” I had no response. “So, tell me why you are here.”

I couldn’t find words to speak. My arms folded across my chest and my knee began to bounce. I knew this was coming but suddenly I was in protection mode. I never talked about this and fighting my instinct to hold it back, hold it all in, was warring against my desire to do this for Edward. I was determined to do something, anything other than answer that question.

“You have,” I cleared my throat, “some very interesting art.” I said motioning to the pieces. It was then I noticed more of the work on other walls of the space. She had surrounded herself with submissives. All of the pictures were in black and white, of different men or women; some contained both men and women in one shot.

“Thank you,” she said turning to admire them as well. “They are some of my best and favorite work.”

“You took them?”

“Oh, no! I posed them.” Her eyes focused on the pieces, her lip turning up on the ends.   
She was remembering. “So, Seth, it is obvious that nothing you can say will shock me. I’ve heard it all both in this room and out. Tell me why you are here,” she said going back to her original question.

“I was told I needed to get help,” I said not looking at her. I was back to being defensive.

“Told? I guess that answers what side of the session you are on. Do you always do what you are told?”

“What is that supposed to mean? Don’t think you know me or going to command me into anything.” I was beyond uncomfortable and the anger was rising quickly. I moved to the edge of the coach, not sure what was keeping me from just walking out. I was never going to be able to do this. Dr. Glover stood and walked to her desk, writing something down on a card.

“You are not ready to talk to me. You have to want this for yourself, not because you were told to come.” She handed me the card she was writing on. “Here. If you are going to open up, and let me in so that I can help you, come back. If not, don’t waste your time, or my time, or the person’s time that cared enough to suggest you come.” Dr. Glover walked to her door and stood there with it open.

I was without words, but I knew what she said was true. I didn’t want to be there. I was there for Edward’s peace of mind. I didn’t believe she had anything that could help me. No one did. The hell I had managed to get out of was my past and there was no reason to drag it back up.  
I stormed out the office, not looking back. I tossed the card in my tray inside the car only then noticing the date and time for a second appointment a week later. Nothing would change in a week. I was likely never to see Dr. Glover again. The idea of not giving it a chance, having to tell Edward that, didn’t sit well with me either. I drove in silence, thinking about what Dr. Glover said. Did I always do what I was “told?”

I walked through the door completely exhausted from my day. My shirt was un-tucked and my hair was all over my head from running my fingers through it in frustration. Days like this used to end in Edward’s warm embrace but I wouldn’t have that this time. I suspected that once I told him what happened I would never have it again.

“Hey,” Edward greeted me. He stood at the living room entrance holding a blanket and a plastic bag. “I figured we could have a picnic tonight. Hope you are in the mood for pasta.”

“Hi . . . um yeah, that sounds good.” I was too focused on Edward’s bare chest and feet. He wore nothing more than a pair of his scrub pants and rather it was just my own desire taking over or the truth, but he didn’t appear to be wearing anything underneath. 

“I’m going to go change.”

I emerged back into the living room ten minutes later a lot more comfortable and fresh than when I left. I was welcomed to a spot on the floor by Edward’s beautiful smile. He had already laid out our food and sat my favorite blanket on the floor beside my plate, just in case. I took my spot only offering him a slight smile. He started the movie and we began to eat in silence.

“How was your day?” Edward asked, looking intently at his plate as if he had posed the question to his fettuccini, instead of me. 

“It was okay. A little stressful. Yours?”

“Busy, but good.”

That was all in the way of conversation for a while. The tension between us was too tight. Not only was the weight of the last two months on us, but I could sense Edward wanted to know how things had went today at the therapist office. I wasn’t ready to have him disappointed in me, but I knew this was something that I wasn’t going to get away with hiding.

“Edward, why did you want me to talk to the therapist?” I no longer had an appetite. I sat the food down off the blanket.

“I thought it might help with your anger and anxiety you’ve been having. Why? What happened?” Edward moved closer to me taking my hand into his. For the first time in so long, if only for a brief moment, I felt like the old us.

“It just didn’t go well. I . . . I umm don’t know if I’m going back.” I let go of Edward’s hand. I looked into Edward’s face and saw nothing but disappointment. He stared at his now empty hand. I couldn’t tell if the pain came from my words or because I broke our connection.

“I couldn’t do it, Edward. I couldn’t sit there and act like she was going to be able to change something or answer some question I didn’t even know I had. I’m sorry, Edward. I don’t want to disappoint you, but I just can’t go back there.”

“Seth, you won’t,” Edward stopped talking but I knew he wanted to say I wouldn’t disappoint him but we both knew that would be a lie. “I just wanted you to be happy and I know you are not. How do you know it wouldn’t help?”

“I just do! I just have to get over it. I well get better in time. It was fucked up but now it’s over and there is nothing that will change that.” I stood up ready to drop this conversation. My anger was flaring again and I didn’t want to fight with Edward, not this time.

“Seth, you have to want this for yourself. I won’t tell you what to do, but I am asking you to think about it.” Edward stood up slowing inching towards me. I could see the struggle in his eyes. He seemed to want to hold me, touch me or something, as his hands reached out for me but his feet wasn’t moving. Maybe he was afraid I would hit him again.

“Why does everybody keep saying that?” I was screaming. I saw Edward physically brace himself for my wrath. “I have decided, but no one is taking my word for it. I don’t want to relive this. I just want to fucking forget!” I pulled on my hair, feeling the burn of the pain it caused. 

The heavy silence returned; neither of us moved form our spot where we stood. Time seemed to move slowly, everything going on besides us but we were frozen. Edward’s face was a mold of pain. I wanted to know so desperately what he was thinking.

“Edward,” I began to move closer, “what do you want from me?”

“I just want you. I want us to be happy together. I love you but . . .” Edward never finished that sentence. He characteristically ran his fingers through his own bronze messy hair. That “but” stayed stranded out there in the gorge of space between us. It sliced at my heart; love always came with a condition.

“If you don’t want to help yourself than I can’t help you either. No matter what, I will lose in the end: I won’t have you or you will just hurt me while I desperately, and unsuccessfully, try to make you happy.” Edward’s voice was heavy and I could see his eyes begin to turn red as he fought back tears. “Seth, I don’t want to be somewhere I know I will be hurt.”

I didn’t know how to talk. Edward thought I would hurt him? Did he mean emotionally and mentally hurt him, just as my relationships had hurt me, or physically hurt him? I had already shown that wonderful side of my personality, but surely he didn’t believe I would abuse him, did he? Edward’s words only bounced around me taunting me, showing me the man I had become. I made no attempt to hold back my own tears. I didn’t see Edward walk out of the room, but suddenly the space was closing in around me. I had to get out of those walls.

The car just seemed to be moving with me along for the ride. I had no destination and I saw nothing out of the window as I sped through the city. I pulled into the parking lot of a deserted park. The sun had long since set and as I sat in the bench of the cold wood, I realized I was wearing nothing more than my thin sweat pants and a t-shirt, no coat. The cool air pierced my fragile clothing, picking at my flesh, but nothing could dull the pain in my heart, or drawn out the many thoughts floating through my mind.

No matter how much I wanted to deny it, Edward had given me an ultimatum (rather he was trying to or not): get help or we could never be. The realization of the subtle threat was brutal on my already fractured heart. I knew Edward wasn’t trying to do it but he had. I had to choose between him and my own stubbornness. If I was being honest with myself it would always be him I chose. I preferred his warm embrace over my cold loneliness. I preferred his hearty laugh over my own sad monotone voice. But it still reminded me that I had to want “help” for myself and while I wanted a change I still couldn’t see it being in the hands of Dr. Glover or any other therapist. There was nothing to help when I didn’t see anything wrong.

I felt my tears roll down my face only when the May breeze cooled my skin. I was gong to be perpetually alone. No Edward. No Quil, No Caius. Would I be able to get through life on my own? Maybe that was what I really needed, to be alone; out from the watchful eyes of everyone. I didn’t deserve to be with anyone and no one deserved to have to deal with my issues and my anger. I had begun to sob uncontrollably. I wrapped my arms around my bent knees as I pulled my feet on top of the bench I had occupied. I had no one to comfort me. I didn’t even have my favorite blanket to keep me warm.

I returned to Edward’s house after driving around for hours. I quietly crept into my room and continued my tearless sobs, trying hard not to disturb the sleeping angel in the room across from mine. 

The week past in a lonely and sad blur of hours and days. Edward and I made no attempt to have dinner at the same time. The television in the living room hadn’t been on since the night. I ran away to my park. It had become yet another way for me to avoid Edward. Work, park and my lonely bed was my every day routine. I would return to Edward’s home only to see him sitting in his office, off from the living room. His eyes would fall when he saw me. And as if he was simply waiting to make sure I had come back, after I removed my coat and placed my keys on my hook, would he turn off his office light and slowly make his way to his room. Still, no words were shared.

Work seemed harder. As usual my fuse was a short and I was continually distracted by thoughts of him. Luckily no one questioned me on my absent mindedness; I didn’t think I could have come up with a good enough lie. I didn’t realize how much of a relief Edward had been in my life. The long days at work and thinking of my undefined future all seemed to melt away when I was in Edward’s presence. I didn’t realize I had that peace until it was no longer there. I couldn’t help but wonder, even if only for my own desire to pour salt on an open wound, but did Edward miss me? Did he receive any release from me being in his life? Or was I one heartache after another?

A lot had changed that week. I had grown weaker in my attempt to avoid both Edward and the truth. I did need help. I had walked this life for over twenty years and hadn’t figured it out. Maybe I was doing it all wrong. I was expecting something to change, to be different, yet I wasn’t willing to do anything differently. Isn’t that the definition or insanity?

~xXx~

I sat in the familiar waiting room even more nervous than I was the first time. However, this time beneath the frantic nerves was determination. Determination to get this done, to get the help I so desperately needed and the motivation to move forward in my life. 

Edward was present in my mind but this time he was a small part of my purpose for being there. I didn’t chant in my head “for tomorrow with Edward,” but instead I said, “for my happiness today”. Whether I ended up with Edward was no longer my incentive, but instead it was for me to end up with the real me. I had never known a truly happy Seth, happy to be alive, happy to be where I was in my life, and I was anxious to finally meet him. I thought we could be really great friends. I didn’t tell Edward I was going back to Dr. Glover’s office. I would have likely lost my nerves about it all. Besides this was all about me.

“Seth, I’m so happy to see you,” Dr. Glover said as it was her who met me in the waiting room this time.

“I’m actually glad to be here today,” I said as I stood on my feet to follow to her office. I couldn’t help but notice she wore another unusually long scarf; this one cream and violet. 

“So, what can I help you with?” She asked as she took her seat in the same seating area where we left each other before. 

“I want to do this. Be here. Talk to someone. Talk to you about . . . everything.” I began to fidget, everything in me wanting to clam up, but I was fighting hard against that impulse. “I want this for myself, not because someone told me to.” My voice was laced with sincerity. 

“Good. That’s a start. What is it that you want for yourself?” Dr. Glover was looking directly in my eyes. I was sure if I lied she would know. Her intense stare was making me even more uncomfortable. I had already warned myself that this wasn’t going to be my favorite thing in the world and yet I was going to see it through. I wasn’t leaving this time. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and pushed back on my fight or flight instincts, in an attempt to let it all go.

“I haven’t been happy in a really long time. I’m not sure if I ever really been happy actually. All my adult life I’ve been with men who,” I hesitated. I knew she was a part of the same secret world that loved so much, but this was going to be the first time I ever said it out loud to anyone and I was having to force it out after all these years. “Every guy I’ve ever been with had been my Dom or Master. I don’t know me without them. I need to change that.” There it was out, and there was no taking it back.

Dr. Glover sat back in her chair, a small smile undoubtedly on her face. 

“I hope I can help you with that. So, if you are serious about this, I have only two things I ask of you: One-be honest with me, being honest with me is being honest with yourself; and Two-no playing, scenes, or sessions until I see you have made some personal strides towards this goal you have set for yourself.”

“What?” I wasn’t with anyone but the fact that she gave such a stipulation floored me.

“You need to have a clear head, Seth. You have already admitted that you lose yourself in these Doms you chose. That is not how things should be. So, until we discover who Seth Clearwater really is, you don’t need to be getting lost again.”

“Okay,” I stretched out the word. “Now what?”

“Let’s just start from the beginning.” Dr. Glover got comfortable in her seat. The click of her pen made me roll my eyes before I could stop myself. “Tell me why you don’t like psychologists.”

“I didn’t say,” I was about to go into it but stopped when the good doctor arched her eyebrow to signal she wasn’t going to believe my next words. “It’s not that I don’t like psychologists, it is just I don’t talk about things with people. Anybody. I don’t like telling people what’s going on because they judge or they are often times powerless to change it, or chose not to change it anyway. I just kind of grin and bear it.”

“Does that attitude follow you in choosing a Dom and into your sessions?” Dr. Glover’s pen was moving ninety miles a minute, but she was staring intently at me.

“I don’t know. I guess. Sometimes?”

“Seth, when people play they talk about it. Their wants, their limits, its all discussed before hand. If you can’t tell someone these things you shouldn’t be playing. If you can’t use your safe word because you are just going to ‘grin and bear it’ than there is no need to have one now is there? This is why you are being taken advantage of. You fear being alone and they will leave if you don’t take what they give you, even when they are give you shit.”

I was floored yet again. I couldn’t pull my mouth off my lap. How did she come up with all of that from one damn question? The silence may have been in the room but my head was loudly screaming at me, rolling her words around. She looked as if she knew I was thinking strongly on her declaration and was giving me time to determine the truth in them for myself.

I hardly ever used my safe word, even when I was in so much pain that pleasure was far forgotten. With every Dom and Master there were times when I should have just walked away and never looked back. Fuck contracts. Fuck relationships. Fuck being dominated. They were cruel and tried to break me and instead of just leaving I held on tighter, trying to change myself to match their ways (right or wrong). Why? Because being lonely far out weighed a short day or two of being in physical pain. I thought I would be fine when my body healed. I never though about the other scars they were giving me. I don’t know how long I sat there turning the last almost decade of my life and relationships over in my head. I had forgotten I was in Dr. Glover’s office until she spoke again.

“We are getting ahead of ourselves. Your lifestyle is not the problem; it’s the things we do that follow us to our playroom that brings our problems into our sexual world. With that said, let’s start with what you do know about Seth. How you grew up, where you are from, that sort of thing.”

And I did. I told Dr. Glover about my abusive mother and her complete distaste for me for no reason other than I looked too much like my father. This would be the same father I never met. I told her about my rush to leave home after my mother became the first person to use a homophobic slur towards me. I explained how I found out about this erotically enticing life at only nineteen years old, and have had a Dominant every since. I filtered nothing. Too often my body wanted to stop, but I pushed on, ignoring the feeling of exposure and vulnerability. I kept telling myself that I pushed my body for so many people who never deserved it, but I did deserved to have some answers, some insight into my life and this discomfort really would be worth it in the end. I sat on Dr. Glover’s couch crying, utterly exposing myself. It was the longest hour of my life. 

When I couldn’t speak anymore I sat back on the couch surrounded by used tissues. My eyes dropped from the exhaustion and my energy felt spent; as if I had been running. Dr. Glover didn’t say a word during my rant, only writing, listening, and staring. Words no longer flowed from my tongue but my mind was racing.

“You did really well today. Seth, would you like to come back? We still have a lot to discuss.”

“Yeah,” was my well thought out response. We did still have a lot to discuss. I hadn’t even begun on things with Quil and Caius, plus I wanted her opinion on everything she had been hearing and taking notes on. I needed another one of those pearls she produced from simple grains of sands I offered her about my life. I may have been wrong about Dr. Glover. It was looking like she would we able to help me in this walk after all.

“I would like to see you at least twice a week if that is okay with your schedule, but of course if you need me you have my number to call me directly. Here are your next two appointments,” she said handing me two of her cards.

I still couldn’t speak. I only nodded my head reaching for the cards.

“Seth, can I ask you one more question?” Dr. Glover said turning her pen around in her hand almost nervously.

“Sure, sure,” my voice was still a little shaky.

“You said someone told you to come last time. Who was that?”

I couldn’t hold back the smile that was growing on my face, but thinking about how things had been between us, tears began to dwell again in my eyes.

“His name is Edward. He is …” I didn’t know what he was anymore. There wasn’t a word strong enough to describe all Edward was to me. He was my friend was the easiest answer, yet it was too simple. Edward was more than a friend. We were once close to being lovers. He was once my doctor. Edward was my support and guidance, but all that was a conversation for another day; another box of tissues.

“Edward is just really important.”

“I can tell.”

~xXx~

I couldn’t go straight home from Dr. Glover’s office. I aired all my pain to her and I felt too exposed. Though it was only the doctor and me in that office, I felt like every set of eyes that landed on me now knew what I didn’t want them to know. All the emotions were on my sleeve and you could read my life straight from my skin like a book. 

I took refuge in my park, on my bench that had become my surrogate comforter. It supported me, just not in the way that I wanted. I let what was left of my tears drain, waiting for the fissure I opened up to close. The edges burned, reminding me of the pain over the years of my life. I wrapped my arms tightly around my body, hoping to hurry along the healing but it didn’t budge. The idea in the back of my mind suggested that it would never close. I had opened it to wide and for too long. 

I walked into Edward’s house as late as usual, quietly trying to make it to my bed. My eyes still burned from the tears I had shed for hours with Dr. Glover and at the park. The glow of Edward’s office light was the only illumination coming from inside the house. Edward appeared at his office door, having heard me enter. He had received his confirmation that I had returned. I was frozen in my spot looking into his emerald orbs that always seemed to capture me. A look of exhaustion and than concern ran across his face.

“Seth? What’s wrong?” Edward closed the space between us, wrapping one arm around my waist, as the other landed on my jaw, stroking my cheek lovingly.

My eyes closed enjoying the feel of our closeness. Edward’s scent surrounded me. We hadn’t been so close in weeks. I knew I missed him, missed being in his arms, but finally having it showed me just how much I felt neglected without it. 

“What is it, Seth? Please, talk to me.”

“Nothing,” I whispered into his chest only inches from my face. “I’ve just had an exhausting day. I’ll be fine. Really,” I said managing to find his eyes. The green seemed to glow with even more love and care than I had ever noticed before. I wasn’t going to tell Edward about either my appointment, nor my upcoming scheduled visits with Dr. Glover. I didn’t want him to think that this was all about him, about us. For the first time in my life this was about me.

“I have to work tonight, but you will talk to me, yes? If you need me, you will call. We really should talk tomorrow. This week has been hard and I hate being away from you, walking around you,” Edward said running his hands across my face and hair.

“Yeah, I’d like that. I . . . am . . . um really tired. I’m just going to call it a night.” I slowly pulled away from his embrace missing his body heat. I needed something to get me through the emotional night ahead. 

I quickly reached up, softly planting my lips on his briefly, only long enough to leave the feel of his skin and the sweetness of his breath. I stayed in his arms for only a moment longer. When I opened my eyes to look into his beautiful face I was met with his content smile as if he needed that just as much I had. Edward didn’t say another word.

I went to sleep that night still feeling the stress of my day, but letting the memory of the smoothness of Edward’s lips and his ever present aroma sooth away the burn. There were a lot more wounds to be examined, and I was going to need something other than a chaste kiss from Edward to get me through the upcoming roller coaster ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading


	15. Next Move

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making the hard decisions

Next Move  
(Seth POV)

I paced the floor of Dr. Glover’s office, threatening to dig a hole into her carpet there. Despite seeing Dr. Glover twice a week for just over a month, I still got nervous anytime I entered her office. My knees would bounce uncontrollably and my arms would stay locked across my chest as a shield, but today was different. My nervousness was beyond not wanting to drudge up my past. Today was mine and Caius’ one year anniversary and it was the only thing I had failed to discuss with her during our sessions. She was desperately trying to get me to open up, but I slammed and locked that door the day I drug my beaten and mistreated body out of his apartment. Never again did I think I would have to open that door. Yet, now as I stand at Dr. Glover’s window fidgeting uncontrollably, palms sweating, and bottom lip swollen from chewing on it, I felt like if I didn’t talk about this now I was going to explode.

Dr. Glover walked into her office swinging her maroon and gold scarf as she sipped her coffee. I believed it to be her favorite scarf as it was the one I had seen the most and the only one she absent mindlessly toyed with while she talked. I didn’t give her the opportunity to speak, or get situated, before I came at her in full force.

“Today is Caius and mine one year anniversary and I had been freaking out all day.”

Dr. Glover froze; knees bent halfway down as she was making her way to sitting down in her chair. I had never seen her stunned before.

“Okay! Well I’m glad you finally want to discuss this. I believe it is really the biggest hurdle you have to jump.”

She had confirmed it. I loved Dr. Glover and her no nonsense attitude about things, yet nothing made me more excited than the thought of getting out of therapy. It was enough for me to stop my pacing and take my seat on the couch.

“How long has this been eating at you?”

“It just started last night when I glanced at the calendar. I don’t know how I let the whole day go by and not recognize what the next day was going to be.” I pulled the throw pillow into my arms, clasping it as if it was my impenetrable shield. “I nearly bit Edwards’s head off over the remote control. I tried to apologize to him, but it was difficult since I really couldn’t explain anything.”

Dr. Glover slowly nodded her head. She didn’t agree with my decision to keep Edward in the dark about my visits with her, or the fact that I was working hard at moving out of his house. I felt like that to make Edward see how serious I was about changing my life for me; he didn’t need to see me every day, constantly asking how therapy was going. I didn’t need any more pushes into this. 

“Why don’t we start with your history with Caius?” Dr. Glover got comfortable, ready to write away. I took a deep breath and began the tale of my most recent failed relationship.

“I met Caius at his club Midnight Sun, three months after Felix left me. Caius was my Dom for six months and then a month after we ended our contract we started seeing each other as boyfriends. The abuse didn’t start immediately into the new relationship. When it did start it really was my fault.”

“Excuse me?” Dr. Glover eyes looked angrily into my face. 

She tried desperately to drive into me that the acts of Jason, Charlie, and Felix were not my fault, but a flaw in their practices as a Master and Dom. That was a hard pill to swallow. I felt like I played a part in it just as much as they did. That point held as much truth with Caius as it had for the rest of them.

“I already know what you are going to say,” I closed my eyes to block out the look I was getting, “but we were perfectly fine before I requested a session. Other than a jealous streak, he was a completely acceptable boyfriend.” That was close enough to the truth.

“What happened after you started your D/s relationship again?” She had stopped writing, folding her arms across her chest.

I told Dr. Glover everything: the sub drops, the lack of after care, and even the constant blending. All the punishment was hard to recount. In every instance I could recall what I should have done differently. The tears began flowing when I began discussing Quil, and the loss of my only brother.

“I’m sorry to hear your friend left you, but he made his own decision; much like Caius had.”

“That’s bullshit!” I jumped off the couch. “If I had listened to him from the start I wouldn’t be here right now. I wouldn’t have been raped by an asshole who only thought he was a Dom when actually he was just an abusing prick trying to destroy me!”

I was screaming so loud I was giving myself a head ache and my throat ached from the strain. It was the first time I had ever disrespected Caius name. Dr. Glover gave me an overly pleased look. I knew she was happy I was directing my anger at the proper source, if not entirely, at least it was a start.

“I just wanted to belong to someone and I wanted my friend, my best friend, to be there with me. I feel like I was let down by Quil and Caius.” I started to slowly pace again letting my brain continue my rant in my head. Hell yeah, I was still angry at Quil.

“It is perfectly fine to feel that way. Quil, your very best friend walked away when you needed him to stand with you more than ever. Was he wrong? Was he right? You’ll give yourself and aneurism before you come up with the answer. Caius wasn’t what you needed in a significant other, or a Master. Without a doubt he was wrong for what he did and that has nothing to do with your preference for pain. Feel that anger you have for him, just don’t dwell on it. Once you’ve gotten it out of your system than it is time to move past it.”

“Move past it! I will always hate him for what he had done to me.”

“Why will you hate him?” Dr. Glover gave me her usual cocky grin. It told me we were exactly where she wanted us to be in this discussion. I sent back down on the couch, preparing myself for the meat of the session.

We continued to discuss the thorns of Caius and mine’s relationship. I was getting beat with my uncontrollable rage and crying. Too often the office was filled with silence; me desperately trying to get my tears and sobs under control. My session was not over, but I couldn’t talk anymore. Dr. Glover could see the trepidation on me. Always the one to push, but never over the edge, Dr. Glover was sympathetic to my now fragile state.

“We better stop short tonight. Are you okay to drive?” Dr. Glover moved to the couch and sat beside me, taking my hand in hers. The feel of her hand, her soft touch and heat helped to slow the sobs that were still erupting from me.

“Yeah, I think I will be okay,” I said giving her my best half smile, sniffling.

Dr. Glover tightens her hand around mines. I look back into her eyes that now bare a sadness I hadn’t noticed the entire time we had been there in the office. Her look wasn’t of pity for me but compassion. It didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, but instead made me think she truly cared for my healing. I watched as her eyes squinted and she opened and closed her mouth a few times as if she debated rather she should speak or not. The look worried me as never had I seen her censor a word, or question if something should be said or not. Dr. Glover often time reminded me of Quil. The only difference was that Dr. Glover did try to censor how she said some things. Eventually her nature won out, no longer being able to bite her tongue.

“You know there is one silver lining to the hard times with Caius.”

I sat quietly trying to figure out what good came out of me being beaten and broken for months and then raped.

“Edward. In this mess you still have Edward and something tells me that he isn’t going anywhere any time soon.”

So true were her words. A chance encounter with an angel in a Washington Emergency Room became my solace through the most difficult time in my life. How could I ever forget all that Edward was to me? Usually after a rough night with the good doctor I went to my park and meditated on everything I had discovered about myself. I let the wounds close some, away from prying eyes and worried stares. This had been the hardest session yet with my psychologist, but the last thing I wanted was to be alone. My body called to be near Edward; my wounds to be healed by the comfort that was his sweet scent, strong arms, and glorious eyes. My tires couldn’t carry me fast enough.

I entered the house to find Edward sitting in the living room. His lane chest exposed. His long legs covered in his usual old scrub pants. I couldn’t fight the smile that formed on my face as I drank in the man before me. Edward had to feel me staring at him, but didn’t interrupt my moment of peace for a while.

“Hey? Is everything okay?” Edward finally asked.

“Yeah, I think so.” We only continued to stare into each other’s eyes.

“I’m going to go freshen up. I’ll be back,” I said when I was finally able to fight the control his beauty had over me. I didn’t wait for Edward to respond; too afraid his sultry voice would paralyze me yet again.

I lingered in the shower, letting the hot water run over my skin. My breathing was too heavy. I could feel my heart beating erratically and my stomach began to feel light. Could it be Edward that made me feel this way? What changed since I saw him this morning before I left for work? It was the realization that Edward was stability in my life. I dare say I loved him. Just the thought of such a word in reference to the Greek god that sat only a few yards away made my stomach flip again. Maybe it wasn’t just that I loved him. Maybe it was my love for him combined with the fact that I knew he loved me, too. He loved me, and not as a brother or friend as he had pointed out to me weeks ago. How had I gone so long without telling him how I felt? How was I so blind to my own desire for him in every way?

The chilling water shocked me back down from my thoughts. I quickly dried and dressed, wanting to be nowhere but in the warmth of Edwards arms. The house was completely dark other than the illumination of the television. The glow of the screen danced across Edward’s face as his head lay back against the couch; the brown suede making his hair seem even more intense in its bronze beauty. I took advantage of his unawareness of me watching his radiance dance in the darkness of the room. His mouth fell open as he stretched his lean muscles before relaxing back into position. I almost felt guilty for staring so intensely at him, admiring all of his manliness. My stomach flipped again when I realized I didn’t have to watch him from so far way. I didn’t need to stand quietly in the darkness. I could be in those arms. I should be pressed to his cool chest of steel, and my fingers belonged in the silk that was his hair.

I walked quietly towards the man I hoped would one day be mine. I curled into my usual spot, pressed against his side as my head fell into his lap. I laid on my back staring up at the true love of my life. As if it was instinct, his hands fell to my hair, scratching my scalp, unleashing my growl of desire that I was not surprised, nor ashamed of.

“Hello, beautiful,” Edward said in a rough voice, as if he had been sleeping.

“Hi,” I whispered back. “Did I wake you?” Edward began stroking my cheek sending the butterflies in my stomach flurrying yet again.

“No, I was waiting on you. Hoping you would come and sit with me.”

“No other place I rather be,” I said honestly. Edward’s smile was breath taking.

I stared into his eyes, not speaking, trying to grow use to the feel of the uneasy, light feeling in my stomach. It wasn’t painful, but delightful in a new way. I had wanted it to never end, yet to somehow subside all at the same time. Yet instead it only ignited more with each touch of Edward’s skin to mine. He was setting my soul on fire. The flames were consuming my fear of rejection and loneliness.

I turned my face toward his stomach pressing my lips to his skin again and again. With my nose so close to his skin, I drowned myself in his sweet scent. My attention to his flat stomach grew in intensity as I flicked out my tongue to taste him. Encompassed in his scent, his taste on my tongue, and his hands in my hair, I was growing mad, needing more of him. I stretched my hand up, touching his exposed side, lighting dragging my nails down his skin. Edward let out a breathy sigh, his head falling back to the pillows atop of the couch.

“Mmm, Seth,” Edward exhaled, instantly causing my pants to tent.

The pull was too strong. I no longer wanted to deny myself of the pleasure I knew he could bring me. I began kissing up his body until I had no choice but to straddle his lap to reach his out stretched neck and jaw. I let out my own whimper when I felt his length press into mine as I lowered myself to his lap; nothing between us but two pair of old, thin, hospital pants. I was making him this excited; the recognition driving me more.

I continued the trail of kisses towards his mouth where I placed unhurried pecks, never looking away from his eyes. I wanted Edward to take control of me, to fill me or to stop me. It was all up to him. Edward hands trailed up my back and along my arms, raising the hairs on my body. As his hands found purchase in my hair again, Edward pulled me by my neck into his wanting mouth, colliding our tongues. I was dizzy from the passion, short breaths and raw energy between us. I couldn’t inhale enough of him to satisfy my need. The butterflies made no attempt to settle and the wound was no longer hallow, but utterly filled with everything that was Edward. I could still sense his hesitation to take me, but the resolve was breaking. My hands were locked around his neck desperately trying to keep him there with me, but as he began covering my neck with wet kisses my hands roamed; grasping his hard member.

“Fuck, Seth!” Edward uttered. I got the response I needed as he pushed my body into the couch, pushing all his weight atop me. I clung to his skin, digging my nails into his flesh. Edward hissing at the light pain I was making on his body.

“Not like this,” Edward covered my mouth with kisses. “Bed. NOW!” Edward ordered as he pulled me up from the couch, but never removing his mouth from mine. No steps faltered as we walked with our eyes closed, backwards towards his master bedroom. Edward pressed my legs to the bed, pushing me over. His weight followed again as he brushed across my weeping cock.

“Need you now, Edward.” I could feel his growl rumble his chest.

Edward made no work of removing my pants and his followed. He slowly crawled back into the bed, taking my cock in his hand. Edward rubbed the pre cum around the head and the shaft.

“Take me, Seth. I want your hot mouth around my dick now,” Edward said as he, in a painfully slow pace, stroke me to oblivion. I could only let out a whimper to acknowledge his request of me.

Edward rolled onto his back and I did not hesitate to take all of his glorious self into my mouth, tasting his salty essence that pooled in his slit. My action was rewarded with deep growls and handfuls of hair as Edward lost all remaining resolve and fucked my mouth to the brink of release. The intensity was driving me to my own release. I took my painfully hard self in my hands ready to begin my descant to orgasmic bliss with the taste of Edward owning my senses. Before I could stoke myself twice Edward had removed himself from its rightful place between my teeth, grabbed my hand and took his place behind me.

The rush of the movement excited me. Edward’s hand tightly holding one arm behind my back as his hands pulling my hair, leaving me completely at his mercy.

“You will listen to me carefully, love,” Edward said planting a kiss to my neck, making my cock jump in excitement. “You will not come until I tell you to. When you do come, it will be with my dick buried deep in you tight ass. Do you want me to stop?”

“No, please take me.” I fought against calling him sir, but the scene was too reminiscent of the life I was looking forward to returning to.

“Good.” Edward slowly laid me down on my stomach as he lay on my back. His hard dick pulsating between us. He slid his hands down my back and ass, messaging the flesh there. Suddenly I felt his fingers and slick gel rub the puckered entrance of my hole before the wonderful pressure of one finger pushed to the first knuckle.

“Yes!” My body shook at the wonderful feeling but too soon I was reminded of my order not to come and Edward’s satin sheets were teasing my neglected member. Before I could grow use to the one finger it was quickly followed by a second and then a third as Edward stretched me.

“Fuck you are so sexy when you shake like that, moaning my name. I think you are ready for me sexy. Are you ready to feel my dick between these walls, Seth?”

“Yes, please.”

I heard as the condom was tore open and in one swift feeling of pain, pressure, and then pleasure, Edward was deeply buried in my sex hole, filling me entirely. Slowly Edward began to move, sitting up on his knees, bringing me with him. Each thrust becoming harder and deeper.

“Edward! Yes, take me, use me.”

“So tight, Seth. Fuck, tell me you want me to stay in this ass. Make me come all over this bed.”

“Please stay. Don’t let me go. Please!” I begged. My double meaning present.

“I won’t stop till your tight ass milks me, and I watch you nut all over these sheets. Dammit, Seth. I can feel you clench around my dick. So fucking right.”

I never heard Edward so vulgar. His voice deep with need and sex. How could the man that was taking so much control over my body ever submit to anyone? I still couldn’t see him bowing to anyone. He had so much control: aggressively taking my body, using it, but not once hurting me in the process. I wanted him all that much more. 

“Coming… now Seth.”

I felt his dick pulsate around my body as he dug his nails into the flesh of my hips.  
Collapsing on my back, I struggled to stay on my knees.

“Let me cum, please. I beg you.” I was almost to tears. I could feel the cum leaking from the slit of my swollen head. The pain was pleasure and I had a tinge of excitement to see that my delayed gratification was still in tack after all of this time.

“Mmm, so fucking beautiful you are.” Edward pulled out of my used hole leaving me feeling empty and ready to explode. “Look at what you do to me, Seth. So well fucked.”

Edward pulled me to his chest as I stayed on my knees slicking his hands everywhere but my weeping cock. “Cum now, love,” Edward whispered in my ear.

My release broke free of my body with a vengeance as Edward pulled on my pebbled nibbles and feathered kissed on my neck. I shook uncontrollably as Edward tried to sooth me, guiding me down from my high. He lay me on my side, away from the spunk soaked spot, he taking the space behind me, pressed ever closer to my back. He continued to stroke my sweat laced hair. I loved that we didn’t head for the shower. I wanted Edwards scent to lull me to sleep and it was even more sexy that he wore my scent as well.

The next morning I awoke to a different view of things.

In the golden sun light was flowing through Edward’s windows. Edward was just as beautiful as he was the night before. My stomach still flipped at how close we were, at what I without a doubt knew what happened. But in the light of the day it all looked scary. Edward was not going to let us end here in his bed. It looked like something I wasn’t ready to handle yet.

Being a Saturday I had nowhere to escape to. I laid in his arms too afraid to face what would happen when he saw me. Would he regret it? Did I mean anything to him? My mind raced for over an hour, my body to paralyze by what the next second might bring with it. There was so much I had kept from Edward over the last few months, things that he needed to know to make his own informed decision. I need to talk to somebody and there was only one person I could do that with.

Edward finally began to stir. He pulled me closer into his arms. No sense of regret could be read on his face.

“Good morning,” he said, his smile stretching across his face. How could he be so beautiful? Seeing his joy and obvious satisfaction in our current position, I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Morning.” I was lost in his eyes, a state I found myself in too often.

“How about some breakfast and coffee?”

“Sounds great.” Neither of us made a move to leave the other’s arms.

Eventually we did get up, showered separately, though I was too tempted to join him, and met in the kitchen. We danced around each other smirking and giggling like two girls whenever our hands brushed. Everything between us was so raw and electric. Being in his presence after such a passionate night was creating a feeling I could get used to, but I knew I couldn’t feel again for a while. I first needed to tell him everything, give Edward the opportunity to decide what should happen next.

“Do you have plans today?” Edward finally broke our silence.

“Um, yeah. I have some errands to run.” I tried to look him in his eyes, but his glow was too much for my exposed emotions. Had I looked too long, I would have told him everything and I couldn’t do that just yet. I needed a few more hours first.

“Oh, okay,” Edward said sounding disappointed.

Silence again. When I could take no more, I walked away from the kitchen island we made our breakfast table, to go dress. When I walked back to the kitchen Edward was still there, drinking coffee and reading the paper. He didn’t look away to acknowledge me.

“I’m leaving.” I walked close to him, forcing him to look up at my face.

“Okay,” he said folding down half the paper.

I lowered myself to his seated height and pressed our lips together. I could taste the combination of his mouth wash and the morning coffee. I didn’t know what I was trying to say with that kiss, I just knew I couldn’t leave him that morning without one.

~xXx~

I never ever utilized the opportunity to call her outside of our two scheduled days we normally met. I would usually hold all my shit together long enough to make it to our next meeting, and then unload on her before she could adjust in her seat. But this couldn’t wait and I needed her more than I thought I ever had before. She and Edward were my support system and since Edward was the current cause of my panic attack, she was my only option. I was relieved when she agreed to meet me for lunch.

I sat waiting impatiently for her to get here. When she finally spotted me across the crowed restaurant I only had a split second of relaxation. It hit me then that this was something else I was going to have to talk about, and my body went into its usual panic mode. I had to get it out. Just as she reached what would be her seat, I spit it all out.

“I slept with Edward and now I’m terrified as to what that mean for us now.” It all came out as a rush of sound and pauses.

Dr. Glover’s eyes grew wide. I could tell she was reaching for something to say.  
“Okay,” she stretched out the word and then slowly fell down to her seat. “This will be a fun lunch, I see.”

“I am such a fool. Why did I do this?”

“Just the place we need to start. When and how did it happen?”

Just then the waitress came and took our drink orders with promise to be back in a few minutes for our food request. I started talking as soon as she turned her back to the table.

“It happened last night. I was just thinking about everything you and I had talked about, and how true it was. By the time I got home I didn’t even question it anymore; I know I love Edward.”

“Well Seth, that is excellent. What is the problem exactly?”

“I couldn’t, I didn’t, tell him any of that. This morning I could hardly talk to him. I couldn’t look him in his eyes, like I was ashamed.”

Just then the waitress returned catching us off guard. We hadn’t even looked at the menus. We both ordered some pasta dish and waited for her to leave.

“Seth, we talked about his. You have to talk to people. You can’t expect him to know what is going on in your head. He was honest with you about his feelings. He deserves at least that much from you.”

“That’s not everything,” I said twisting my fork in my hand. “I got approved for the apartment.” Dr. Glover sat back in her chair knowing what was coming next. “I’m leaving in a week. Edward still doesn’t know I am moving out.”

Dr. Glover started pulling on her scarf, today being all black. It was a habit of hers signified she was getting upset. I was going against everything we had been going over in our sessions. I wasn’t communicating. While I had made plans to move long ago it still felt like I was running.

“I know what you are going to say. I’m going to fix this.”

“Then why am I here?” She asked.

“I . . . I don’t know. I just needed to see that I was right or on the right track, I guess. I don’t know! Just please talk to me.” I don’t know why I was begging. I was scared and needed help.

“How ironic that you need someone to talk to you yet you can’t seem to talk to the man who has loved you despite yourself. You are going to have to make decisions on your own, Seth. I am not going to be around for much longer. Despite this current situation you are making excellent strides and won’t really need me.”

I smiled at the idea of no longer having to bare my soul twice a week, but there was a touch of sadness there to think I would be soon leaving someone I considered a friend. It wasn’t the best kind of friend relationship to have and calling Dr. Glover a friend didn’t seem to sound right, but in my book that was actually what she was. I didn’t want to say goodbye, now or later.

“Why didn’t you tell Edward you were trying to move?”

“Dr. Glover,” I started.

“No! You know why. Tell me.”

But before I could begin, our pasta was arriving. The waitress refreshed our drinks. Her perky attitude seemed too out of place at the table. My bouncing knee, frowned brawl and hidden faces didn’t make her falter her smile once. I was glad when she walked away.

“Okay. I didn’t want to leave. I had planned on telling him about the move a week ago in hopes he would beg me to stay, but every time I wanted to try, I got scared that he wouldn’t ask me to stay with him. I could see him being happy I was finally getting out of his space. Hell, anything. I can’t deal with that rejection. Now I have last night hanging over me and it is only going to make it harder.”

“Do you regret last night?” Neither of us had touched our food. I simply pushed mine around my plate as Dr. Glover ignored hers altogether.

“No! I mean yes . . . I mean. . Hell, I don’t know!” No one answer seemed sufficient enough. I tried to explain.

“It felt excellent to be with Edward, both physically and the fact that it was Edward, but I’m scared of hurting him. I am not good enough. I don’t regret connecting to Edward that way. I just regret I didn’t wait until I knew I could handle whatever was coming next.”

“Seth, you are good enough,” Dr. Glover paused. “It’s time to tell him everything.” Dr. Glover crossed her arms over her chest.

“What?” I knew I wasn’t capable to that.

“You heard me. You need to tell him about your sessions, your moving, and especially your feelings for him. Nothing will be fixed if you don’t talk.” We sat in silence for a little while as I rolled the painful idea around in my head. 

“And then after you talk, call me.”

“So you can explain how this will make me stronger and support whatever crazy emotion I’m going through?”

“Well, that too, but really because I am nosey as hell and your story is better than a soap opera.” Dr. Glover ignored me as I stared at her in awe of her words.

We both started laughing like the weird friends I felt we were.

That night I told Edward everything begging him not to say anything until I got it all out. He seemed hurt about my moving out. He was shocked to learn I had been seeing Dr. Glover all this time. More importantly than all that, he was speechless to learn my feeling for him. I spit it all out so fast I thought he didn’t hear the words, and I was going to be forced to repeat it all, but the lingering kiss he gave me erased all of that away.

We spent the next week walking around each other; nervous to say a word. Occasionally Edward would simply take my hand, but never saying a word. Though we did not have sex, it was multiple nights I awoke to Edward climbing into my bed in the middle of the night, or after his shift. Neither of us pushed for anything to happen, but it felt important to me for him to be there. Maybe because it all meant nothing had changed.

The last week under Edward’s roof was gone. I kept my key and received instructions to continue to come and go as I pleased. Edward was acting like I was leaving the country.  
Moving my things from his place to my new apartment was simple and only took one car trip. Edward hired someone to move the things from my old hell, demanding I never stepped foot there again. Once the moving company made it to my new place, I was instructed to simply say what pieces stayed and what went. His presence at the new apartment was getting annoying for a little while as he seemed to always be in my shadow, but every time he squeezed my hand the butterflies went fluttering, and it made me happy he still hadn’t left my side.

Edward and I were playing everything by ear. We had no titles and nothing was understood. Honestly, the unease of it was making me more and more nervous. Dr. Glover thought that this was best, stating that I put too much stock into defined roles. I should learn to live and learn along the way.

After two days my apartment was complete and looked as if I had been there for months. That day also sparked Edward and mine’s first date. I cooked for him in my new kitchen.

“I better get out of here,” Edward said fidgeting at the door.

“Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, of course.” Edward was more nervous than I ever seen him before. “Oh, my phone! I think I left it in your room.” Edward began to walk that way.

“I’ll get it for you,” I said putting my hand to his chest.

I walked back to my room thanking god for the opportunity, yet nervous all in the same breath. I didn’t think the chance would present itself again. I quickly got what I needed out of Edward’s phone and jogged back to him.

“Thanks,” he said. “Until tomorrow, then.” Edward bent down and kissed me between my cheek and lips.

“I hate to see you go,” I revealed to him.

“Good, ‘cause I hate to leave.” Yet leave he did.

~xXx~

I had the number for just over a week, never getting up the courage I needed to call. I could put it off no longer. I wanted to be my best for Edward. I picked up the phone number and immediately started dialing before I lost my nerves.

The phone rang several times before I heard the deep voice on the other end.

“Hi, um, you don’t know me but we have a mutual friend. My name is Seth Clearwater. Am I speaking with Demetri?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reviews and kudos, bookmarks and more


	16. Hurt Them and You Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What They Don't Know . .

Hurt Them and You Too

(Demetri POV)

It happens every time without fail. Just as I am out of my Dom head space there is a knock on the door or the phone rings.

I had just walked my sub out of the house and was easing back into reality as the phone rang. Initially, I wasn’t going to answer. The monotone factory installed ringer blared through the silent house as the phone vibrated on the coffee table, indicating this was an unknown number. Nevertheless, I answered the disruptive call.

“Hello,” I said, my voice sounding with a little agitation.

“Hi. You don’t know me, but I was hoping you can help me with Edward.”

At the sound of my favorite submissive’s name, I became more focus on the call than I admittedly was at the start. I was at a loss for words, not really sure if I was even breathing. It was at that moment I realized who I was talking to, before he confirmed it.

“Um, my name is Seth. This is Demetri, right?”

“How the hell did you get my number?”

“That’s not important,” he said letting me know he obviously didn’t get it from Edward. “What is important is that I need your help to become a proper submissive. Edward told me about how great of a Dom you are and I hoped you could teach me the right way to submit.”

Seth words were rushing out. I could hear the nerves. I wasn’t really sure what to say. Edward apparently told Seth about me, but does Seth know how much I knew about him? The kid was bold as brass to even asks for my help so I saw no reason in holding back.

“Yeah, I know exactly who you are. What does you wanting to be trained have to do with Edward? Edward is a sub, not a Dom.”

“Yes, I know but I know he has it in him to be a Dom. He’s shown me that. Look, I am not sure what Edward has told you about us but we are . . . dating. I just want to be good for him, in every way possible.”

“From what I understand, you have too much going on to be a part of this life. You need to focus on those things first. Knowing how to bow, even if Edward did decide to become a Dom, won’t fix you, your issues, or the mess you will be dragging Edward into.”

My voice was harsher than even I intended it to be. If he questioned what I may have known before, he should have been sure at that point. 

“Look Demetri! I am sure you know a lot about me, but I know they are all bad things. I am in therapy. I’ve moved. I am working on who I am. I know I am not your choice for Edward, but I love him. Doesn’t any of that count for something?”

Seth’s admission stunned me, forcing me to sit down. I knew how Edward felt about Seth, but never did I think Seth felt the same for him. No, I had never met Seth, but the stories of the man living in Edward’s house having uncontrollable anger and emotional melt downs was not giving me the best impression of him. Yet, I could not deny the sincerity that now dripped from his words. I still didn’t think Seth was worthy of Edward and his goodness, but I couldn’t deny how Edward surely felt for him. He made it known all too often as he continually sulked about the man he loved, yet feared he could never save. I never wanted more than to hold him in a session, send him into his own subspace so that for just a few hours he could focus only on his needs and pleasure in his own mind, than at those moments.

“Seth, I . . .” I started to say, but what words were to follow was not known to me. What do you say to the man your friend loved who may or may not be good enough?

“Demetri, please,” Seth begged.

And with those words, whatever resolve I had with helping him began to crack.

“Okay, I will help, but you will respect me as your Dom and we will do things my way.” I covered my eyes with my hand. I was having a shaky feeling about it all, but hoped it was just going to pass away.

“Thank you.” Seth sounded relieved.

After the call ended I still didn’t feel any better about the choice I had made. I fell back into my couch trying to figure out my next move. Seth had asked that we didn’t mention any of it to Edward and swore he would tell him when the time was right. I don’t do secrets, but dodging the bullet on that one was my pleasure. Edward was usually a calm and rational man, but I have never had the pleasure of lying to him, or deceiving him. It was my experience that even the gentlest spirits were angered by betrayal from a friend, and that was one thing Seth and I had in common. 

The utopia I floated in for all of two minutes, before my phone rung, was gone. The hours I spent in my Master head space, that feeling of pleasure and ultimate control, was ripped away from me do to my unexpected rush back into reality. I was in need, but not for my role as Dominate. No, I needed a more gentle touch now to ease the new stress I had taken on. And as if he could feel my need from across town, my phone rang with the sultry sounds of Frank Sentara’s “My one and Only Love.”

“Hey baby.”

“Hi, love.” I didn’t try to hide my new exhaustion.

“Oh, no,” he said hearing it clearly in my voice. “I’ll be there in a thirty minutes. You get ready. I’ll bring dinner.”

“Thank you, love. I really need to see you.”

“See you soon.”

The call was ended and the butterflies flipped in my stomach as they always did when the love of my life was soon to be near. He would listen to me and let me vent. He will give me advice and tell me if I was right, or wrong. No matter how I felt. Most importantly he would love me and hold me and make it all melt away with his dimple smile. I was already feeling better. I just had to wait.

~xXx~

It wasn’t as difficult as I thought that it would be. Seth was well trained in discipline and delayed gratification. I purposely pushed his limits the first few sessions just to see if he would safe word, but he didn’t. It was becoming difficult to determine what his pain/pleasure threshold was, and what he was taking to keep from disappointing his Dom. I had to start reading his body language closer. When it was teetering on bad pain, Seth’s body would tense just moments before contact with the whip, flogger, or cane. You could see the fight to keep from moving in his face despite how hard he tried to hide it. It was difficult to get into my own head space and enjoy it just from having to watch him so closely. But this was not for my enjoyment, this was for teaching. Keeping the secret from Edward was more difficult.

Edward hadn’t been in my playroom lately, yet we continued our regular lunches and Seth still was the number one topic. Just two weeks after Seth and I began training, Edward could see something different with him, but he didn’t know what it was and he was starting to get nervous about it.

“I think he is seeing someone else, Demetri,” Edward said solemnly one afternoon as we sat in the middle of a lunch rush.

“What? Why the hell would you think that?” I struggled to catch my breath as the unexpected words hit me hard.

“I don’t know. It’s something . . . different. I can’t put my finger on it.”

“You think he’s cheating? Already! You all have hardly been together long enough for him to be . . . See, Edward, I knew I didn’t like him for a reason.” My anger was boiling. How could I have trusted him? I knew he wasn’t good enough for Edward.

“I don’t know. . . I just . . . something is . . . Fuck, Demetri, I don’t know!” Edward was without question frustrated. Hurt laced his body language.

“Okay,” I said taking a deep breath, trying to calm down, “why do you think he is seeing someone else?”

“Well, for one he’s been complaining about being . . . sore. And he bent over in front of me and I could swear I saw scratch marks on his lower back. Plus he just seems happier than he was weeks ago and I just don’t think it is me or the new place or fresh start.”

The water desperately trying to find its way down my throat betrayed me as I coughed most of it back up. Seth wasn’t cheating on Edward. It was me Seth was seeing, all in the attempt to make himself better for Edward.

“Then there are the days where he goes missing for hours. He won’t answer his cell phone and he isn’t home. I’m not trying to like keep him locked away or anything, it is just weird and suspicious. I don’t know. Maybe I am just being too paranoid.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I said when the ability to speak returned to me.

Edward looked at me questioningly, no doubt due to the sudden change in attitude. How was I supposed to continue to keep this from him?

“This trust issue you have Edward, you have to start to let it go. Just because Riley was an ass doesn’t mean that every guy is.” 

I knew it was a low blow trying to use his past relationship to force him to question his own instincts. It was a dangerous move. One day if Seth ever really did cheat on him (which I just didn’t believe would happen) Edward would question his judgment then as well, when it was right on the money. Yet, I promised Seth I would let him be the one to tell Edward. Until then I had to keep dodging Edward’s suspicion.

“Maybe your right, Demetri.”

Lunch continued around us but neither of us was eating. The wheels of Edward’s brain were visually turning in his head trying to figure out what was going on in his relationship. He continued to push his untouched food around on his plate. While I did actually put fork to mouth, I tasted nothing, forcing it down my throat only for the appearance of eating. Lying always made me sick.

~xXx~

Seth was kneeling before me, breath heavy from the sensation that now throbbed all over his skin. The marks were beautiful on his smooth surface as he wore the signs of his pleasure proudly on his skin. Seth had been under my training for just over a month and finally understood the concept of his safe word. I knew he was working hard, not only to please me, but to become something more for Edward and for himself. He needed be rewarded. 

“Stand,” I instructed taking him by his elbow to assist him. “Take your place at the bench. Face down, limbs loosely hanging on either side, relaxed.” As a proper sub should, he awaited for my instructions to be complete before he moved. I allowed him to lie there a few moments before advancing.

“What is your pause word?”

“Yellow, Sir.”

“What is your safe word, sub?”

“Red, Sir.” Seth answered confidently. 

I didn’t care for color safe words, they were too bland. Safe words gave personality to the submissive when they are otherwise without anything other than what their Master give them. Color words were essential with Seth, having to discover his true breaking point. Not only for me to teach him properly, but also so that he could understand himself more.

I had discovered that Seth wasn’t partial to soft things touching his skin, so just to test him I quietly retrieved the synthetic silk and cotton feather from its place on the shelf. I positioned myself at his side, rubbing my hand down the length of his back. Just as my hand ran over the hump of his well-toned ass, I ran the feather down the back of his calf and across the heel of his foot.

“Red!” Seth shouted, tightly closing his eyes. I could see his desperate attempt not to move. He was successful.

“Very good. Now I need you to relax.” I kept my hands on Seth’s untouched arm to assure him I was still there as I replaced the feather on the shelf. “You have done very well, Seth. We will have one more round before care.”

I picked up the blue device from its place amongst the toys and turned on the switch and ran the vibrating silicone skin on Seth’s arms and side.

“This is your reward, Seth. You only have to safe word if you feel pain, or uncomfortable. You are free to cum when you desire, but the longer you hold out the better it will be.”

I ran the vibrating bullet down the small of his back ending at his tightened hole where I slowly circled his puckered flesh. I turned off the device before coating it in the warming lube I learned Seth enjoyed. Heat was a definite pleasure of Seth. I replaced the vibrator at Seth’s entrance applying just enough pressure to pass his first ring of muscle. I felt as Seth took in a deep breath, but not once moving, sinking into his sub space further and further.

“Very good, boy.”

I hesitated no longer, pushing the device fully into his awaiting body. Without warning, I turned the switch to level one.

“Yellow,” Seth said unsurely.

I turned off the pleasure device, waiting on Seth to catch his breath.

“Seth? Speak,” I lightly demanded, needing to know where he was.

“My apologies, Sir. I was going to cum and I wasn’t ready; too soon.”

“Very good. You are permitted to speak when you are ready for me to continue.”

Seth sat motionless for minutes trying to regain his delayed gratification. There was no motion beside the rise and fall of his body and he continued to breathe deeply.

“I am ready, Sir,” Seth whispered.

“Come when you are ready, Seth.”

I turned the device back on level one, allowing Seth to grow use to the quick movement of the delectable torture. I slowly increased its intensity until I reached the final and fastest level. I could see as the beads of sweat collected on Seth’s creamy brown skin, pooling into the small of his back. There was no question Seth was sexy and watching as he sank deeper into his parallel world, that existed only in his own mind, was I never more closer to coming undone myself than I was in that moment. I ran my hand down his damp skin circling my fingers on his side. Seth mouth fell open at the additional sensation to his skin but yet and still he stayed in his place, never faltering.

I gently repositioned the bullet to grace Seth sweet prostate and it was at that his body arched off the bench for the first time. I gasped at the erotic scene before me. Seth throw his head back in pure pleasure as the tantalizing vibration made its way through his body. Seth’s released tore form his body in moments. He clasped back down on to the covered bench, desperately reaching for his breaths again. I quickly removed the device, setting it aside. I ran my hands over his sweaty, sensitive skin, trying to hold him together as he rode out his blissful high.

I picked Seth up, caring him to the awaiting hot tub in the bathroom. I lowered his body gently into the steaming water before I joined him, clothed in my linen pants. The session with Seth was extraordinary and his reward was a treat for us both. I slowly messaged his tender skin as I used the sponge to run the hot water down the rising marks on his back. Seth was still in his space.

“You are free to talk, Seth. Ask questions. Move slowly, but as little as possible. I am going to stay right here with you until you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Seth finally responded.

“For what?”

“For taking care of me. Not leaving me alone.”

“This is what a Dom or Master is supposed to do; see you safely back into reality.  
Remember, Seth, the Master’s job is to take care of his sub. No matter whom your Master will be, no matter how they run their playroom, he should always treaty you fairly, honor your safe word, respect your limits, and care for you afterwards.”

I could feel as Seth slowly came down. His body became less tense and his breathing evening out.

“You have to respect your own limits as well, Seth. You do that by talking. Your Dom can’t respect limits he doesn’t know that you have.”

I contend to talk to Seth as I always did until I was sure he could hold himself together. I then stepped out of the tub, my soaked pants tracking water across the tile floor. I motioned for Seth to stand and step out of the tub, and I wrapped the towel around his waist, instructing him to go the spare bedroom and prepare for treatment. When I was no longer a dripping mess, and in clean clothes, I walked into my “care room” holding the skin regiment that none other than Edward designed. Seth recalled to me on how Edward had presented him with the kit as a Christmas present, along with the keys to his home. It was apparent that Seth didn’t realize that Edward was also presenting the keys to his heart that very same day. Seth telling me wasn’t the first time I had heard the story of that fateful late December day. Edward had told me his plan well in advance and recounted the story for me days afterwards. I was not shy in expressing my issues with it then either, but now as I rub the moisturizing cream on the back of the man who stole Edward’s heart all those months ago, I can’t help but notice that look of devotion that was in Edward’s eyes then, were now in Seth’s.

Devotion wasn’t the only look prevalent that day, hurt was also there. He was devastated that Seth had to leave that next morning, returning to a relationship that was not good for him physically or emotionally. Edward had been fighting for Seth ever since. It made me happy to see that Edward didn’t have to fight anymore. 

Seth and I had, without question, grown closer in our weeks together and the fact that I wasn’t so forthcoming with a blessing for their relationship all those weeks ago now seemed ridiculous. I could see the growth between the stories I had been told and he man I had come to know and respect. 

Seth had redressed and joined me in the living room. I gave him the soda I had poured for him and motioned for him to sit. 

“Demetri, what if it isn’t good enough?” Seth asked never meeting my eye. 

I didn’t have to ask him to clarify. Seth may have been growing, but he was still a trifle bit insecure. It was going to be a long time before he crossed that hurdle.

“You have to believe yourself that it is good enough before you expect anyone else to think the same.” I leaned across the space that separated us taking his hand into mine. “You will never know until you tell him.”

“He knows how much I love him. I tell him every time I am in his presence.”

“True, but he doesn’t know how scared you are to lose him. Life is about communicating, Seth, both in a playroom and out. What a person doesn’t know can hurt them, and hurt you, too.”  
Seth let go of my hand as he stood to pace the floor.

“You have to accept that Edward may never become a Dom. Will you stay with him in despite of that fact?”

“Of course!” Seth shouted before the question fully left my mouth. “This, all this, is great but all I really need is him. If I never step foot in another session or playroom I will be fine as long as I have Edward.”

“Now you’ve got it. The key in being in a relationship and being sexually submissive in being able to distinguish between your desire, devotion, and love for the man, and the Master. They are two different people, Seth, just as you and the submissive are two different beings as well.”

I wrapped my arms around the man I too was beginning to grow very fond of. Seth was a gorgeous man, but I wasn’t attracted to him, my heart was already claimed by another, but I knew when someone just needed to be held and reassured. Seth had that in me, and without question, he had it in Edward. It was becoming more and more obvious how good Edward would be for Seth: loving, comforting, catering. Yet Seth would give just as much as Edward. Seth may not have seen it in himself, but he had a huge heart that bled for no one but his green eyed angel. When the time came, Seth would do anything for Edward.  
I squeezed Seth’s small frame in my arms one last reassuring time before guiding him back to the couch were we sat side by side. Seth leaned his head on my shoulder as he continued to sip his drink.

“I see why all your subs fall for you, Demetri. You must make one hell of a boyfriend.” Seth gently elbowed my side.

“Trust me I am just as flawed. I just have someone who looks past all of them and helps to make me better. You have that in Edward, you know?”

Seth dropped his eyes, but I could see how they lit up and his lip quivered as he attempted to hide his smile.

“Yeah, I know. So, when will the world be introduced to the lucky man?” It was my turn to smile.

“Soon enough, I promise.” We sat in silence, both of us thinking of the men who held our hearts in their hands.

“You know you‘re right though. Edward would make a great Dom. I’ve told him myself.”

“Yeah, well, I want him to see it and want it for himself but I won’t try to change him.”

“Good.”

“Do you think that you could continue to be the Dom for both of us?” Seth asked nervously.

I had been thinking of this very situation, but the question still caught me off guard. I had never been over a couple and wasn’t sure what such an arrangement could mean for a Dom/sub or the relationship’s dynamic. Seth and Edward were already growing, fighting tough battles. I didn’t want there to be anything to stop that progress.

“Let’s get through the hurdle of telling Edward first, and then we will deal with that.”

“How mad do you think he will be?” Seth asked as he looked up at me with those dark eyes. In that moment he almost looked like a child fearing the wrath of his parent.

“I don’t know, Seth.”

“Will you tell me why he stopped coming to you?”

“Because of you.” Seth looked up at me in shock. “Wait, before you start blaming yourself for nothing. He was having a hard time concentrating during sessions and being in your presence was becoming difficult. He finally stopped when he felt that it wasn’t fear to return home fresh from a session and you had been depressed all day alone. He said he would start again, but he hasn’t yet.”

Seth and I stood to end the afternoon. Seth caught me in a half hug and I wrapped my arms back around him as we playfully made our way to his car. As we stepped out of the door, half holding hands, leaning into each other’s body and laughing, we almost missed the extra car in the drive, or the very angry man standing in front of us. 

Edward stood beside Seth’s car door with shock, confusion, and hurt lacing his face. There was nothing but friendship between Seth and me, but I knew that standing on the other side of that friendship, the scene looked much worst. It appeared as if Seth and I were something more. Immediately dropping my hand, Seth walked towards his broken hearted boyfriend, no doubt ready to explain it all, tell the secret that he had been keeping for a month, but Edward stepped away, stumbling, having to use Seth’s car door to prop him up. I stood before my two friends, not moving, not speaking. Seth and I would deserve the hurt rolling off Edward and any words that he may have had. I stood to take it like a man, like the guilty man I was. 

“Edward, it’s not--” was all that Seth cold utter.

“Fuck you!” Edward screamed stepping further away. 

I could see the whole that was tore into Seth’s heart. The words almost sending him crashing to the ground. This was going to be the test of Seth’s growth and I honestly wasn’t sure how he was going to fare.

“And you! How fucking dare you?” Edward’s rage was aimed at me. “You sat there in my fucking face and told me I was being paranoid. Week after fucking week. You knew I fucking loved him and you do this to me.”

The guilty shouldn’t be allowed to speak.

“Edward, really it’s not what you think. Please let me explain.” Seth tried again slowly trying to inch closer to the retreating love of his life. He was being unsuccessful.

“Don’t say a word to me. Ever.”

It was like a bullet had flown through the air and pierced his body; Seth crashed to the grown on to his knees. Edward could see his words hurt Seth. For only a brief moment, long enough for my knowing eye to see, Edward’s foot attempted to come towards Seth. 

Edward’s arms almost stretched out to catch Seth’s falling frame.

Edward was hurt, but he still loved Seth. 

His anger wanted to leave, his love was wanting to stay, but the anger won and he left hesitantly in his car, speeding away.

I fell to the ground next to Seth, again trying to pull him back together.

“It’s okay, Seth. I’m here. I’m here.”

“It’s over. He doesn’t want me anymore. I fucked up! AGAIN! What am I going to do?” Seth sat in the middle of the drive way crying uncontrollably.

“We will figure it out. I won’t leave you, I promise, Seth.” I quietly rocked the broken man in my arms. I carried Seth back into the house, too afraid to let him leave out on his own. His crying still hadn’t stopped or slowed.

First things first, I tried to call Edward, only to be met by several rings and his voicemail the first two times and only the voicemail every time after that. Edward was clearing me out. I don’t know why I thought to expect anything differently. This wouldn’t be solved one day over a phone. This misunderstanding was going to take a lot more that than that. I was beginning to feel the weight of the situation. I knew it was going to be hard but I had somehow fooled myself into thinking that Seth and I were going to be able to sit Edward down at a nice dinner and explain the whole thing, and laugh about it later. This was the exact opposite of that.

I could hear Seth still crying uncontrollably on the couch and I knew I could do nothing for him but give him the time he needed to get it all out. Once the tears stopped the heavy breathing slowed. Once his face dried from the running tears, his voice began to clear and the exhaustion came in full forced. He laid sleeping on the couch, his body and mind trying to reconnect the only way it knew how. Then it was my turn to lose it. I managed to keep it together in front of Seth but I was only moments from falling apart. My shaking hand reached for the phone to dial the only person who was strong enough to catch me. 

The ring back in my ear caused me to jump, I was losing it quickly.

“Hey baby! What’s . . .?”

“Emmett! I need you!”


	17. Figment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Seeings through pain . . .

Figment

(Edward POV)

Have you ever been in so much pain you can’t register anything but that torture? Time is no longer measured in minutes, but in screams. When you find that type of pain, the human instinct is to do any and everything to make it stop. The body tries to aid with endorphins, but that only fixes the physical pain. What about the emotional and mental agony? What aid does the body have to alleviate itself from that torture? Nothing. There is sleep, but then you only dream of the torture, never really escaping. There is numbness, but it never seems to last long enough. No, the body has nothing for mental resolution. You just have to wait for the screams to turn back into minutes. That seems like long ways away when the screams seem like they are louder than the world around you.

~xXx~

The tires screeched against the payment as I sped away from the scene of betrayal. That was the last thing I recalled. From then I was on auto pilot navigating my way home. There were no registered signal lights, stop signs, or traffic. There was just my voice echoing in the cramp tight surroundings that I desperately wanted to be out of.

“I should have called first,” I spoke aloud. “If I had called than he would have told me he had company and I would have never seen them together. It’s my own fault. My own damn fault!”

Somebody had to take responsibility. I couldn’t control the actions nor the attitudes of anyone but myself. Everyone plays a part in destruction and I was ready to take my chunk of it. How could I be so stupid to think he loved me? Why didn’t I see this?

At the sound of a loud thump, I jumped. Quickly turning to assess, it was then that I realize that I had made it home. The car ride was a dazed blur, recalling nothing more than the sound of rubber burning away as I drove away from the murder scene: Seth and Demetri worked together to kill my future.

I paced the floor of my empty house still fuming. The tears hadn’t stopped and I couldn’t help but wonder how I was able to drive through the blur. The tears hadn’t stopped but they had changed. No longer were they the steamy tears laced with the taste or salt and sadness. Now the tears were hot, scorching my skin as they trailed down my face. They didn’t come as full and quick as before but each one hurt worse than the last. They no longer carried the taste of salty sadness, but bitter betrayal and acidic anger.

“Fuck them! Fuck both of them!” I continued to scream at the top of my lungs.

I waited for Seth to come charging out of his room to see what was wrong, but he never came. He wouldn’t come either, because he was in Demetri’s arms, kissing him. No Seth wouldn’t come, for he had moved out over a month ago. I had been alone ever since. Not just alone in the house that seemed entirely too big now for one person, but alone in this relationship.

It hurt me to no end when Seth moved out. The night he told me everything, the psychiatrist, the way he truly loved me, and that he was moving out, I think I stopped breathing. Seth noticed my shock, but didn’t say anything. Now I had to question if he ever cared. Of course he didn’t care! Yet, I supported him. I helped him move. Though I desperately tried to cling to him those final days he slept under my roof, I couldn’t deny that he seemed happier even then. I thought it was his growth, his fresh start. I was even cocky enough to believe it was me, but maybe it never was. The last two months we had been dating was a complete and utter lie.

“Edward, think about what you’re saying. You know none of that is true.”

The voice was loud and clear. I spun around looking for the body it came from, but there was no one there.

I continued to pace the floor trying to will myself to stop thinking about it. There was no use. It was like trying to make myself no longer need air. My mind had constantly been on Seth ever since he walked in my life. Everything else was a secondary thought. Trying to turn that off was impossible.

“I will forget you. I don’t need you,” I shook my fist at nothing.

“Calm down, Edward. Be rational. Talk to him.”

The voice filled the space again. It felt closer as if the man was taking the steps with him. I grudgingly rubbed my eyes trying to make the crying stop. When I moved my hands from my eyes, they fell limply at my side. Before me I stared at the image of Seth lying in a man’s lap, laughing. His smile stretched across his face. The eyes of the man Seth was with were so familiar, so happy. It looked of me, once upon a time, but was far too long ago. I moved towards the scene before me stretching out my hand to grab the happiness, but it vanished. I fell face first into the couch banging my fist to the soft suede repeatedly.

“No, leave! Run away. He is just going to hurt you. Don’t do it!” I tried to warn him.

“He loves you just as much as you love him. You see it in his eyes every time you see him. Why are you questioning him? You are going to let the man of your dreams be kicked out of your life before you even talk to him?”

The voice was bouncing around in my head, echoing. It had been me all along – both screaming and looking to reason, but I didn’t want to hear it. Seth chose to hurt me. There was no reasoning for that.

“Shut up!” I shouted to the ceiling. My hands cuffed my ears and my eyes closed tightly as if the action could actually stop my mental voice. “I’m the one who is hurt here. I was the one betrayed.”

“You know he’s hurting. You saw what your words did to him. He is in just as much pain as you right now. His pain may be worse, thinking you hate him and he has hurt you.”

“I don’t care anymore.” I climbed off the couch pacing again. “I won’t let him destroy me,” I said to the voice that I recognized from a happier me; a me from just a few hours ago. “I can forget him.”

As I opened my eyes, I grew dizzy, disoriented, as the room around me was filled with people. I questioned to myself as to what the hell was going on but now I could hear and see it all. Suddenly I realized that the “people” were memories of Seth and me.

We were there on the couch as I nursed his injured body. We were there touching and laughing as we ate bad takeout food. I could see Seth on every surface of the living room. I stumbled into the dining room where we declared who we were to one another. It was at that dining room table I promised to be the head of Seth’s life. I looked away from the painful image before me only to be met with playful Seth as he teased me at the kitchen counter, watching as I prepared our dinner. I stepped through the apparition of Seth placing his soft lips on mine. I could still smell the coffee on his breath as it swept across my face.

“No. I don’t want to remember.”

The scream coming from no one but me was so foreign. I ran my arms across the counter top, pushing off papers and the fruit bowl. The image of Seth kissing my once waiting lips disappeared. I ran to the dining room, pushing center pieces and place mats onto the floor, breathing a sigh of relief when the happier Seth and Edward vanished to nothing. I had found the solution to my overly crowded house. My anger and destruction continued on to the living room, knocking down papers, tossing books, and pillows, flipping coffee tables and knocking down lamps. With each new bit of carnage another image of the happy couple, the close friends, would leave.

“Leave! I don’t need you. Get the fuck out!”

My screaming grew louder and the devastation that then lay before me finally matched how I felt. The house, the once home, I had shared with him was nothing more than rubble.

“You can’t quit this easily. You can’t destroy him out of your life. Your entire being needs him. Talk to him.”

“I know what can make you go away, too.”

It was the calm after the storm. I walked over to the mini bar and pulled out the Scotch and one glass. I carried the whole bottle to the demolished couch, knocking a book onto the floor with the remaining worthless crap that surrounded me. My hand shook as I nervously poured the first glass. I stared at the murky alcohol for a while before I threw my head back, taking down the cup’s entire contents. The taste was ultra-smooth and it didn’t give me the burn I was hoping it would bring. I followed the first drink with a second, a third, and a fourth, slowly finding the numbness I was chasing.

“You know this relief is only temporary. It’s not the answer.” The voice came slower and quieter.

“I don’t care,” I said followed by another shot. I felt myself slip into oblivion.

Nothing had changed as the next day’s early morning light shone onto my face as it skipped over the shade that had been pulled from its hook the night before in my attempt to rid the room of unwanted “guest.” I slowly began moving. I wanted to shade my eyes from the blinding glare, but my limbs felt heavy. I still clung to the crystal Scotch container, now bone dry, and my empty glass. The numbness was gone; now was pain, both emotional and physical. I didn’t know what was hurting worst: my head or my heart. I slowly opened my eyes to see the wreckage that was my living room. There was no order, only destruction and chaos before me. The laugh that loudly left my mouth was hysterical. The sudden noise and movement did not fare well to the headache and now nausea that enveloped me, but I couldn’t stop the noise from coming from me. If that night was the calm in the mist of the storm than the following morning was the beginning of the hysteria. Lying before me in piles was the illustration of my life: destruction brought on my utter despair.

I made several attempts to arise from my spot on the couch a front of the pillaged room. I was successful after my ninth or tenth attempt. I slowly stumbled through the living room, through the dining room, where more of the day before prior realization manifested, and into the bedroom. I still clung the Scotch, though there was none there. The bedroom didn’t meet the fate of the kitchen, dining room, and living room. Yet, as I looked at it, I didn’t just see the crimson and gold sheets, but I saw tangled limbs of ivory and russet brown. I saw rising and falling chest and chaste kisses. I stood there staring at the mirage, wondering how long ago that beautiful image was. Surely time had continued on in my drunken coma. I didn’t destroy the scene before me this time, I didn’t want to; it was too striking. Instead, I pulled the throw pillow and a blanket from the chair and curled onto the floor beside the bed. I pulled the blanket over my head and breath in deeply, trying to calm the shaking feeling in my body and the pounding in my head. The unmistakable scent of him filled my nose. I was wrapped in his favorite blanket. I inhaled deeply one last time before I threw the offending article as far away from me as my heavy liquored arms would allow. I let the raw feeling in my body bring me back down.

Yet even in my hung over induced sleep, he was still there. I dreamt of the day we met, the future I wanted, and the events that lead to our end. My brain filled in the holes of what Seth and Demetri had been doing behind my back. The downside of the liquor still stirring in my body was that it kept me there in my nightmare. I couldn’t awaken myself from the scene that was playing out before me. No matter how much I screamed and begged, they wouldn’t stop.

“Demetri, I never loved him. It’s you I want,” Seth whispered.

“I love you, Seth. I will never let you go. You never have to go back to him.”

“Really? I can stay with you, forever? Promise me.” Seth stared deeply into Demetri’s eyes. He wrapped his arms around him burrowing his face into the giant[s chest. Demetri raised Seth’s chin lovingly, stroking his cheek.

“I promise. I love you, Seth.” They fell into each other’s arms. Lips crashing together as hands hurriedly grabbed at clothes, literally tearing them from their bodies.

“I bow only to you, Master.” Seth was naked and on his knees before Demetri, eyes down.  
Demetri reached out his hand winding something around Seth’s neck.

“You belong to me, boy.”

“No! No. Seth is mine,” I screamed, pulling at my hair. My screams awoke me from my nightmare. I thrashed on the floor still screaming.

“He’s mine. He should bow to me. Seth is mine. My collar.”

My screams went unanswered as they were changed back into tears, those sad salty tears again.

“Seth please come back to me.” I could barely understand my own words.

“Call him. Seth loves you, only you. Let him talk to you.”

I grudgingly tried to pull myself off the floor but my own height was too much and it sent my head spinning, sending me crashing back to the floor. Moving was too much of a chore. I hopefully patted my pocket hoping my phone was still on me, but found nothing. I remembered in my anger I threw the contraption, tired of hearing Demetri’s ring tone.

Demetri: what was I supposed to do about him? My body asked for Seth and though it had only been twenty-four hours since my world came crashing down, I was needing him, but how did I feel about Demetri? Was I ready, would I be able to let him back in. My head decided it could only deal with one monumental issue at a time.

I slowly crawled to the living room, hoping that finding my phone amongst the destruction wouldn’t be too hard. Luckily, my phone was also trying to find me. The triple beep melody sounded and I could hear the phone vibrating on some hard surface it was lying against, aiding me in its quick discovery. Twenty-six missed calls. Four voice messages. I hit my missed alert number to find a plethora of calls from Demetri and Seth as I scrolled down further. I saw one, than two, than a third missed call from an un-logged number, but I couldn’t miss the Washington Regional prefix. I looked up into the window of the patio seeing darkness all around. Looking down at the phone revealed that it was almost midnight. I had slept the entire day away in my drunken stupor and was late for work.

I jumped up from the couch and quickly assessed if I was sober enough, or sane enough, to go in. I didn’t have much of a choice. The night staff was down one doctor since Dr. Cullen had transferred to Seattle Memorial Hospital two weeks ago. I moved as quickly as I could to the bathroom, redialing the number.

“Lauren!” I said to the head night nurse. “So sorry, I over slept. I will be there in about forty minutes.”

“Okay, Dr. Masen. Is everything alright?” Lauren whispered.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. See you soon.”

I ended the call and jumped into the shower. I tried to listen to my voice messages, instantly deleting the three from Lauren at the hospital. The final message began to play.

“Edward, I,” was all that I heard. It was the only message that he had left and Seth, without question, sounded hurt. My stomach tightened at the sound of his voice and I knew then I couldn’t face it yet. I immediately deleted the message not bothering to hear the rest.

~xXx~

For three days I merely existed. Every day I cried and desperately tried to ignore the voice that was in me telling me to call Seth, or Demetri. Every night I went to work only doing what was needed; nothing above and beyond. Every morning I returned I tried to clean the mess I caused but the anger would return and in the end I would make the mess worse. I was finally successful on that third morning, but the energy it took wiped me out and I slept the rest of the day away. Really it was the first time I had slept, not counting my Scotch induced coma. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Seth, or I saw Seth crying, or worse; I saw Seth kissing Demetri the way he use to kiss me. It was less painful to just deal with the insomnia and over dose on coffee all day. When my exhaustion won out, and I had no choice but to close my eyes, I still avoided the bed. Day after day I slept in the stiff chair or stretched out on the hard floor.

The calls continued. Demetri and Seth seemed to be playing tag, one calling, followed almost immediately by another. They never left a message and I never answered the calls. I wasn’t strong enough to hear their voices. I still didn’t know what I wanted to do. I simply became more and more lost in moving from day to day.

All the nurses questioned my dishevel look and obvious lack of sleep, but I never gave them a clue. I let them speculate as they always did. Not really caring. I hid in my office only coming out when I was paged or had to do my rounds. I was being given a mandatory day off. Just me, that house and the voice I wanted to avoid.

On the morning I returned home from the hospital the day I began my twenty-four hour break, I walked into the bedroom, staring at my long neglected bed. I was sure it was my sleep deprivation and over dose of coffee working against me, but I need to truly rest. I still saw Seth laying there, but I no longer wanted to avoid him. I quickly stripped out of the nights scrubs and climbed naked into the bed. The cool sheets molded to my stiff body, slowly releasing the tension.

“I’ve waited for you,” Seth said turning onto his side to face me. I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to say to the mirage, if I was to say anything at all.

“You know I love you Edward. You knew it before I did,” he joked. “Why do you question me now?”

I opened my mouth to say something, but didn’t; couldn’t.

“I’m lost without you Edward. Just let me explain.”

“There is nothing to say. I saw you.” My voice finally came but it was weak and cracking.

“What did you see, Edward?”

“I saw you with him, all over him. I saw you cheating on me. How could you do this to me? I loved you.”

“Loved me? You don’t love me anymore? Why? Because you saw me standing close to Demetri?” Seth’s voice never raised and he never looked away from my eyes. 

His stare was intense and I wanted to look away, but was too afraid he would disappear. I wasn’t ready for him to leave. I wasn’t ready to have him there for real but I didn’t want him to leave.

“Why Demetri?” He asked.

“What? I don’t know, you tell me.”

“Of all the people I could cheat with, I choose the man you respect and regard as a best friend. I was guaranteed to get caught. Why didn’t I choose someone you would never see me with, or meet?”

“Hell I don’t know. You are the one who cheated on me!” I was actually raising my voice at a figment of my imagination.

“Hump, if you say so. How did I find out who he was? Meet him? You never introduced us.”

Fuck, Seth was asking a lot of good questions, questions I should have been asking. None of which I had the answer either. How did they know each other? How long had this been going on? Maybe it was innocent, but if that was the case, why hide it from me?

“Just shut up, please! I’m too tired to think.” I rolled over onto my back and rubbed my hands through my hair. I took in a deep breath trying to pull myself back under control.

“Okay,” Seth said not faulting from my outburst. “You rest. I’ll be right here.”

He curled into my side wrapping his arms around my waist and tucking his face between my side and the matters, much how real life Seth use to lay with me. I slowly lowered my hand down as if to lay it across his back. I was afraid he would disappear once I touched him, or my arm would go through him as if he was a ghost, but neither was the case. He was solid and warm. There he stayed and I finally fell asleep, thinking on Seth’s words.

I was thankful that I didn’t dream; it was solid sleep. I slowly opened my eyes. I hadn’t moved from the very spot I fell asleep. I looked down to see if Seth was still there in my arms, and he was. Squeezing him closer I realized how much I wanted him to stay.

“Sleep okay?” Seth asked rubbing his rough face across my skin.

“Yeah.”

I couldn’t say anything else. Instead I stood, threw on my cotton sleep pants and began to walk out the room. I hadn’t eaten a solid meal in days and my body was yearning for nourishment. I searched through the kitchen but came up blank; settling for a bowl of cereal.

“Do you remember that time you tried to teach me how to make homemade pancakes and we made such a mess when we got done we only had enough batter for two pancakes?” 

Seth was bent over laughing. My Seth was standing there, in the kitchen, with me, wearing nothing more than my old scrub pants.

“Yeah! That was the best breakfast ever.”

“Yeah, mine, too. Or the time we tried to surprise each other and order Chinese. We got the exact same order and had two of everything.”

I leaned against the counter trying to hold the spoonful of cereal I just put in my mouth from being spit all over the cabinets.

“Man, I ate so much Broccoli and Beef that I thought I was going to turn green.”

My Seth and I stood in the middle of the kitchen laughing uncontrollably. We had so many good times. Maybe that was why the betrayal was so hard. Seth was a great actor. He acted like he really loved me. I stood up straight. I didn’t want to laugh anymore.

“I don’t need to be reminded of good times.” 

Seth didn’t say anything else, only staring at me almost as if he was waiting on something. There I was, alone in the kitchen with a memory of my lost love and his silence was too heavy. I shifted uncomfortably between my feet. I couldn’t take anymore. I began walking through the house, nothing to do, nowhere to go.

Every surface was marked with Seth’s presence. How had this man altered my life so much, so fast? Before Seth, this house was everything I wanted it to be. Then he came along and I realized that the one thing those walls were not was a home. Even in our disagreement and Seth’s darkest hour he transformed a dwelling into a home. And now that he was not only gone from the physical house, but he was leaving everything, every memory we built.

“Seth is not leaving, you are kicking him out.” I wondered were that voice had gone. When it would make its presence know again.

“What do you want me to do? Let him get away with what he did?”

“No, make him answer for it. You have to make him tell you everything.”

“I can’t. I can’t go through this again.”

“Seth is not Riley. They are not the same and yet you treat them as if they are. You let Riley make the mistake of cheating several times before you showed him the door. Why not give Seth a chance, too?”

“‘Cause I promised myself I wouldn’t be taken like this again.”

“How do you know you have? You always tell Seth to talk to you, but when he does you run. You are ready to label every man a cheater. How long are you going to let Riley hold on to our life?”

The voice and I were silent for a while as I continued to run my hand over the dresser that was in the room that once belonged to Seth. Touching the pillows he would hold close until I came home to him.

“He loves me so much, you say. He hasn’t even bothered to call me today. Demetri either.”

“Would you have answered if they had?”

It was growing to be too much again. Too many voices in my head. Too many visions of happy times with Seth in that house. I had to get away and I had to do it fast. I looked down at my watch to see the day had passed me by as I paced around my house talking to myself. I threw on a T-shirt, sneakers and grabbed my jacket. The August evening air was moist and expected. Starting the car and backing up out of the drive was the easy part. 

Knowing where I was going was the mystery.

I didn’t know what I was running from. The voices were there in my head. There was only one way to escape my own conscious mind; I needed a session. The only problem was I wasn’t quite on talking terms with my Dom. So I just drove, not knowing when I was going to make a turn until the task was already behind me.

The ride was quiet. There was no voice and no imaginary Seth. It was just me, but it didn’t matter that it was just me. They had planted enough thoughts into my head; I was beginning to question everything from what I truly saw to if I was strong enough to be in another relationship. The only thing I didn’t question anymore was if Seth truly did love me. The wheels in my mind turned just as fast as those on the car, and neither one was getting me anywhere.

Time continued on and I journey through the streets of Seattle. The sun had set and the early birds where clearing the streets for the nightlife to begin. Neon signs lit up, welcoming crowds to enter. I just wanted to be farther away. I turned onto a long street, traveling down the dark road all I could see up a head was two sets of street lights. I didn’t recognize the street, but something in me was drawing me to those lights.

I pulled into one of the many empty spaces just as I realized I was in a park. I sat quietly in the car, mind still reeling.

There was nothing more that I wanted than to be with Seth, but I also knew I couldn’t take the lying and the secrets. The cheating was another story as well. Could I forgive him for that? Could I just forget that he betrayed me, and with my best friend? There was so much forgiveness that had to be done and I didn’t know if I had enough in me.

I would have to be forgiven as well. Could Seth, if he were to try again, forgive me for not trusting him? For not hearing him out? Could Seth be patient as I grew, learning to let go of the prejudice of men and stop putting Riley face on all their bodies? I had to let Seth make his own relationship mistakes, not accuse him of those that weren’t even his.

It was all too much to bear. My mind was whirling and the cramped car space was closing in on me. I stepped out of the car struggling to catch my breath as I leaned onto the door. I could feel the burn of the tears underneath my lids threatening to overflow. Cursing into the night air I rubbed my hand against the offending tears. I felt like I had been crying perpetually over the last few days and I didn’t know how to stop anymore.

My feet began moving along before the action truly registered in my brain. Seth and Demetri’s name and the last days bounced around in my head with each step. The night air was helping my heated body. As I approached one of the park benches I noticed I wasn’t alone. Sitting in the park past the setting sun, below the street lights; this man wanted to be alone just as I did. His back was hunched over and he didn’t seem to be moving besides occasionally throwing his head back only to bring it forward and place it in his hands again. Even from behind he looked of despair. I slowed my pace, scanning for somewhere else to sit, yet there was no other seat in the area and I wasn’t ready to return to my car. I could see as the street lights reflected of his black hair. I would know those broad shoulders anywhere. I realized this wasn’t just some man.

I knew it wasn’t a figment of my imagination. No, my mind’s version of him was always happy, energetic and at peace. This man was obviously in pain. It showed in his posture, his dropped shoulders and bowed head.

I stopped in my realization, questioning myself. Was I ready to see him, talk to him, and forgive him?

No answer came to me and I didn’t expect one to anymore. I took the seat beside the silent man, not bothering to look his way, but seeing he had noticed who I was. Slouching on the bench, I placed my hand into my pockets. While my companion sat up in his place, he still hung his head. If he wanted to talk, I was going to give him the chance. I was going to listen.

“Start at the beginning, please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading


	18. True Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In pain there can be forgiveness; and more than that the ability to keep moving; not allowing the sins of others to change your ability to trust.

True Trust

(Edward POV)

He jumped at the sound of my voice, despite his obvious knowledge of me being there. Maybe he thought I would ignore him, or leave, but I was too exhausted for either one of those. This needed to be resolved. I had to put all my ghosts to rest.

“How did you find me?” Seth asked still not looking up at me.

“I didn’t. I was just trying to…” I never finished my sentence.

How could I tell the man I loved I was hearing his voice when I knew he wasn’t there? That I had slept with him in my arms? That for the last four days I had imagined he had been with me at our home all along?

Seth finally looked to me. Though the sun had completely set, and the spot light of the street lamp hardly illuminated anything outside of its six foot radius, I could see the faint redness to Seth’s eyes. He had obviously been crying and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was as much as I had cried over the last four days. Was Seth’s exhausted, defeated, appearance a reflection of how I looked? He didn’t question my incomplete thought.

“Just tell me, Seth.” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. I just had to get it out; I had to know the truth. “Are you sleeping with Demetri?”

“No!” Seth shouted too loud for the quiet surroundings. “I mean, not exactly. I mean . . . Well he’s my Dom. But not like you think. He’s training me.”

Seth words were rushing out and I was getting more and more confused by the minute. He took in a few breaths, bringing himself under control.

“Edward, I love you with all that I am. The last thing I want is to hurt you. Please, forgive me. Give me a chance to make this right.”

“Make what right?” I sat up straight on the bench. “I still don’t know what the hell is going on!”

I stood to my feet suddenly. The movement caused Seth to jump and hide his face in his hands. I felt so bad. I gave Seth so much credit for all the growth he had made over the months. He was without a doubt stronger and more confident, yet there were still times when I would see the shadows of his past life. The scars that were trying to heal where still there. I slowly sat back down, closer to him than originally, hoping the closeness would assure him I wasn’t angry. There were things about me Seth still didn’t know. I thought maybe if he knew them he would understand why this was so serious to me.

“I never told you this Seth, but I haven’t actually dated anyone seriously for several years.” I picked at my jacket’s zipper, avoiding Seth’s face. I was sure he wasn’t looking at me, but I didn’t want to take that chance. 

“My last boyfriend was Riley, and without question, I loved him. He was everything to me. We made plans together, even lived together. We were even supposed to get married.” I laughed to myself. I didn’t have to look up to know that caught Seth’s attention. “I would have given him the world if he asked me. Hell, he was my world, but obviously I wasn’t his. He cheated on me the entire three years we were together,” I confessed.

“We hadn’t been together very long when I found out about it the first time. I confronted him of course. He confessed everything and begged me to forgive him, promising to never do it again. And that is exactly what I did. Riley was good at getting me to stay. He knew all he had to do was bat those long lashes and squeeze my hand and I was putty for him.”

“Edward, you have to believe I would never treat you that way. I love you.” Seth had turned to face me, reaching out to touch me, but thought better of it. I ignored his words.

“The first few times the guys were nobodies, just guys he would meet at a club or around town, but,” I said holding up my finger. I could feel my laugh coming back though nothing was comical. “Towards the end, the affair that had made the biggest crack in our relationship was with Mike Newton. Mike wasn’t really a close friend, but he was close enough. He was an old college associate of mine; just one of those guys you know, you like them as a person, but you don’t think about again until you run into them years later at some store, which is exactly what happened. Riley and I were just out shopping one Saturday afternoon and Mike spotted me from across the street. We only talked on the sidewalk for about five minutes, exchanging numbers. The four of us had lunch a few time; me, Riley, Mike, and whatever guy he was seeing at the time. I don’t know when their affair started, but I it was going on for months when I finally found out. Throughout the entire time we would all still hang out and have lunch or dinner together. I didn’t even know they were both laughing in my face.”

I noticed Seth was sitting so close our legs touched and he was holding my hand tightly, fingers entwined as they rested across our thigh. I didn’t register us joining hands, but I didn’t change it when I noticed.

“After that, I left him. Needless to say Mike and I didn’t talk anymore, and I was completely heart broken by Riley. I felt like I couldn’t breathe for months. I threw myself into work. I started casually dating this guy who in a roundabout way introduced me to my desire for pleasure and pain. If I wasn’t at the hospital relieving other’s discomfort than I was at my Dom’s playroom enjoying my own. All the Doms I had were great and respectful, but it wasn’t until I met Demetri that I started to live again. We almost didn’t last because I was growing feelings for him. Demetri recognized it as what it was, just me needing the attention. We were able to work through it, and because of that, we grew closer and stronger. Demetri really did save my life. I guess it is only fitting that he be the one to destroy it again.”

I let go of Seth’s hand. The temperature around us seemed to drop ten degrees at the same time. I could hear his sharp intake of breath as his head dropped. 

“Please start from the beginning,” I simply stated. I knew I was punishing myself further by asking for details, but some things you just have to know.

Seth told me about how he got Demetri’s number from my phone, and convinced Demetri to train him. He told me about the months of soreness and desire from just leaving a session. He talked about how close he and Demetri had grown and he understood why I loved him so deeply. He laid it all out. Whether I just wanted to believe him, or I could hear nothing but truth in his words, I didn’t know. As Seth’s words slowed we began to inch closer together again. I desired to be as close to him as possible but we had to resolve this first.

“Seth, why did you need to be trained? Do you plan on finding a Dom?” I had to admit the idea of some other man touching Seth angered me, even if that man was Demetri.

“Well not quite,” Seth started to avoid my eyes. “I was going to ask you how you felt about…” Seth was having a hard time getting the words out. I was getting nervous.

“What?”

“One option was that we can both continue to see Demetri? Maybe we can do joint sessions.”

Seth sound ecstatic with the idea, but as the moments passed and I still had not said anything, Seth’s excitement began to dim. Could I watch someone else pleasure Seth? Could I let someone watch me? My head space was such an intimate moment with myself. I didn’t know if I wanted to, or could even share that with someone, even someone I loved.

“It was just an idea I had. That is if we’re okay now. I mean we are going to get back together right? We don’t have to . . . the session. . We don’t have to be in a session together. I want to be back together, but I don’t want to do the session. Unless you want to,” Seth rambled.

I took Seth’s hand back, pulling him closer to my side. I pulled his legs onto my own so that he was all but sitting in my lap. Seth immediately dropped his head onto my shoulder, taking a deep breath. I could feel his chest tremble as he desperately tried to slowly release his full lungs. I buried my nosed into his hair, taking in as much of his scent as I could.

“Seth, I don’t want to spend another second without you.” I raised his face to meet his eye. “I love you, and I hope you can forgive me one day.” I watched as Seth’s face molded to one of confusion.

“Why are you apologizing? I’m the one that’s sorry. I lied to you for so long. I’m so sorry, Edward. Please forgive me.” Seth voice cracked with the tears he desperately tried to hold back. I pulled him back into my chest.

“We’ve both made mistakes. Mine was not allowing you to talk to me when you tired. I promise to let you make your own mistakes and not blame you for the wrongs of some past relationship.”

“I forgive you, Edward. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Seth.”

Our lips met over and over slowly pulling on my desire to have him again. Passion and longing oozed from us as we lost ourselves in our own little world. Our kisses constantly changed from urgent and needy, to slow and passionate. Like a fire being stoked, the intensity grew and slowly simmered again until something forced the flames awoke again. For us, it was our hands landing on some untouched spot on the others’ body. Nothing had changed in the days we had been physically apart, but we both tried to familiarize ourselves with our lover’s body, touch, smell, breath, and feel.

“Please come home to me, Seth,” I begged. “I wanted you in our old bed, in our house, now.”

Seth didn’t have to answer. I could feel his need pressing into my stomach as he straddled my lap, but even more than that I could hear his soul calling for me. We parted only long enough to get to our cars and drive back across town to our house. Seth may not have lived there anymore, but it was him that even made the dwelling a home in the first place.

I pulled into the driveway first with Seth only seconds behind. We stepped out our cars, nervously walking to the other. Meeting at the back of both of our vehicles, you would have thought we were shy, but I knew it was us the monumental nature of the situation: our first fight as a couple and our first time making up. I took him by his hand and lead him to the door. He clasped my hand with both of his and I could feel him shaking with uncertainty, or excitement. Maybe it was happiness with being back to us. I was just thankful I could feel him at all. I looked back at him over my shoulder and was met with the smile that made my entire world exist. I knew then the subtle movement of his hand in mind was love. On the other side of the door we wasted no time rejoining, consuming each other with our want for one another. In hurried movements clothes were discarded until we stood before each other bare. Movement slowed and I was lost in the beautiful body that stood before me. I stepped closer to my lover, wrapping my left arm around his waist, joining my right hand to his left, slowly placing closed mouth kisses to his full lips. I was in dire need of Seth in so many ways.

I wanted him urgent, fast, reclaiming with was rightfully mine. His body had been touched by another and I needed to cover him with the feel of mine again. Marking what had already been mine.

I wanted him slow and sensual, feeling him arch into my body with passion. I needed to make love to him over and over, until each and every atom in his body knew I accepted his apology, as well as how sorry I was for abandoning him. I desired to press him tightly to my body until we became one being, repeatedly worshiping his creamy skin inch by inch.

I wanted him to take me. In the months we had been together I had never given myself to Seth. It was always him who offered himself to me. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy it, or didn’t want Seth to have me in that way, it was just my preference. Yet now as I stand in the arms of the man I knew and happily claimed as my soul mate, I could think of no better way to symbolize how much of me I wanted him to have.

So many choices, so many reasons. I was lost in a swirl of my exotic thoughts, the fire burning deep in my body, and the feel of the man fanning the flames. I was overly enticed, and yet I craved more. I didn’t have to make the decision. Seth spoke the words that made up my mind.

“Edward, take me please. I need to feel you.”

With that, the urgency had returned. I pulled the quivering body into mine, lifting him off his feet. I wrapped his legs around my waist, his engorged cock pressed between our bodies, as mine wanting nothing more than to find the same sensation. Seth laced his hands into my hair, hungrily devouring my tongue. We stayed so close we shared breaths and space, defying physics.  
I walked over to the bed, carrying Seth. Wrapped around my body, I climbed into the bed slowly, lowering his body to the waiting mattress. Just as his back touched the waiting sheets he un-wrapped his legs from my waist, but I wouldn’t let him go far. I lowered my body into his spread legs, sliding my own desire across his, electing his hissing and movement. I repeated the action, applying more and more weight to his body, humping him to the edge of control. Just as I knew he would head for the edge, leaping with joy, I stopped, removing some of my weight from his already sweating bodies. I pulled his leg back to my hips, keeping it there with my hand, as his foot rested on my lower back. I kissed every surface of Seth’s body from his hair, down his long neck, across his pebbled nibbles and down his flat and toned chest. With each replacement of my lips on his skin, I would grind against his wanting cock. I was punishing myself for delaying my want to indulge in Seth, but I enjoyed the sight of the man withering in pleasure beneath me, seeking out my contact.

“Edward. Yes, so good. Need more,” Seth continued to moan.

I blindly reached into the night stand grabbing the lube and a condom, as I continued tasting his breaths. With one hand I popped the cap and dripped the gel onto my fingers. I slowly entered one digit. Seth sighed in needed relief as I worked my finger in and out of his round ass. Before Seth could grow use to the feel, I added a second finger, more lube, and finally a third, stretching him to accept me. As the three fingers filled his body, I ran my digits across Seth’s sweet spot each time reminding him of the position he was in. Seth laid back, eyes closed; fisting the sheets as he whispered words of love, and gratitude, and breaths of sighs and moans, begging for me to never let him go.

“I will never let you go, Seth. I love you,” I said as I feathered kisses down his withering body.

“Need you so bad,” were his final words before I quickly sheathed myself in the condom and enter Seth in one long slow move. I memorized the feel of each rippled skin and bump along his hot tunnel. The torture of the tight muscle wrapped around me, pulled on my need to be fully covered by him.

“Yes! So full, yes, Edward!” Seth screamed.

I was finally deep within him surrounded by an indescribable heat and grip. I couldn’t move, enjoying the feel of Seth’s muscles clenching around the base of my cock. With one hand above Seth’s head and the other holding his leg up, allowing me to drive deeper, I only moved slowly up and down, and never pulling out of his body. Each hump into his sex was pulling on the coil tightly wound in my stomach, building the pressure and need for my release.

Seth continued to scream my name as I arched his back allowing me deeper access yet again. There were no distinguishable words uttered between us as our bodies rejoined. Hands roamed over lover’s skin. Nails dug deeper into flesh, threatening to bruise. Lips and tongues combined, sending silent message to one another. Whispers of ‘I love you’ into each other ears and prayers of our name as we used the other to chase our pleasure.

I couldn’t control the burn deep in my body anymore. I grabbed Seth’s leg around my body going deeper than I thought possible to go. Wrapping my arms around his back, I lifted my lover as I rolled onto my back, never disrupting the connection we shared. I continued to grind into his perfect body, pulling his legs into my arms, allowing them to hang over the fold of my elbow. I drove faster and harder into his ass. Seth head fell back, arching his back. He may have been on top but I still controlled every stroke, causing him to quiver more. I loved to watch the need and passion flashes across his face, knowing that I was bring him unspeakable feelings through his body. I pushsed harder and faster, feeling my orgasm coming closer and closer. I let go of his captured legs and placed my hand around the base of his neck. I pushed him further until his hot seed spilled onto my stomach. Squeezing his muscles tighter around my still engorged member, I was only seconds away from my release. I sat up, pulling Seth closer to my spunk and sweat covered body, never releasing my hold. Our face was only centimeters apart as my fingers continued to stroke his neck, and my cocked inhabited deeper into Seth’s still shaking body.

“Mine,” I whispered through my clenched teeth, starring deeper into Seth’s eyes, squeezing just barely harder on his out stretched neck.

“Yes, sir.” Seth gasped as his eyes grew larger with excitement.

It was all it took to pull the last bit of the fire from my loin, filling the condom. I could feel as the hot seed surrounded my flesh as Seth’s heat still claimed me. Completely satisfied and spent, I fell back on the mattress, pulling Seth with me. Neither of us separated, instead pulling closer as we found each other’s mouth. But we did have to separate, neither bothering to head to the shower. I quickly removed the filled rubber, tying off the end and discarding it. Though I was only away from his body for seconds, it was far too long and I hurried to pull Seth back to my waiting body. As long as I could squeeze him, reassure myself that he was back with me, I could still breathe.

“I thought I would never be back here,” Seth said.

I could feel the vibration of his voice on my chest as his cheek was pressed ever closer to my body as his hand made trails up and down the path of my sternum.

“I don’t ever want to be apart from you again. I was in hell without you, Seth. Imagining what you and Demetri had been doing all this time; was still doing.” I could feel the unresolved anger begin to rise. The heat covered my body, and I was surprised Seth didn’t feel it too, as surely it should have scorched his cheek.

“I’m so sorry for everything, Edward. Never again.”

I could feel the wetness hit my chest and I knew my heart was crying. I pulled Seth to the pillow beside my head. Only centimeters from his face, I brushed away his tears before they could tear anymore into my soul. I let my lips accept his apology, something so much more than words. I slowly took his plump bottom lip between my teeth, biting and then licking away the sensation. Continuing my closed mouth kisses with more passion filled kisses, pulling his tongue into my mouth, wanting to taste everything he had. We stayed joined that way until we were completely breathless and the desire to take him again was building in my body. I was happy. I knew that there was still plenty to deal with between us, but then all I wanted was the raw desire before us. 

Seth lay at my side, eyes closed, peaceful and quiet. He resembled an angel. I didn’t want to disturb our serene existence, yet there was a question burning in my mind and I knew I would be lying to think I could let it go.

With Seth lying in my arms I felt whole, I desired nothing but him. I no longer questioned Seth’s love for me, but I knew there was something Seth wanted. He suggested we both submit to Demetri, but the thought of anyone bringing Seth pleasure enraged me. I wanted no man or woman to ever touch what was mine and though I enjoyed my head space it wasn’t a place I longed for as Seth did. I would be happy with only him, but could he be happy with only me? Or would his habits and need for pain win out, driving him eventually into the arms of someone who could give him what he wanted? I couldn’t lose Seth to such a thing.

I stroked Seth’s smooth face. Slowly his eyes opened bringing a smile with them.

“I’m sorry to wake you, love,” I said rubbing my hand down his arm.

“I have awakened to a beautiful dream. It’s worth it.”

I continued to stroke his face needing to be in contact with him some kind of way. The topic we needed to discuss wasn’t going to be easy, but it was going to be harder if we waited, or we went through our ordeal all over again.

“At the park,” I began. I closed my eyes not knowing where to go with even that little piece. I couldn’t dare to look into his eyes. I had forgiven him, yet I was about to ask him if he wanted someone other than me. I was going to ask if I was enough. I didn’t know if I was really ready for the answer.

“In the park,” I began again but still nothing would come. Seth took my hand in his squeezing it between our chests, and resting it on his heart. I could feel the rhythmic music of his heartbeat. 

“What was the second option?” I finally spit out.

Slowly, Seth’s face morphed from confusion to understanding. Something in his posture change, proving he was understanding more than what the question asked.

“Edward, I don’t want to be with anyone but you. All I need is you. The second option was,” Seth paused, “that you could be my Master.”

I was speechless. Images of Seth kneeling before me flooded my mind and excited me. Never before had I considered such a path for myself. Never had I had the desire to push anyone’s limits, yet now thinking of that “anyone” being Seth made me wonder how wonderful would it be. I knew it was possible to enjoy all aspects of this lifestyle and be in a fully committed relationship. I had known many who switched from sub to Dom and even those who switched back and forth regularly. Could I be one of those people?

What if I was a bad, abusive Master? What if I hurt Seth? Controlling your emotions and physical strength was so important. Did I have those qualities? I didn’t question if I could enjoy it. My growing need now pressing between our bodies proved it was something arousing and exotic about being in control of someone else’s body, pain, pleasure and relief. I wanted it. Never had I wanted it before, but here with Seth’s brown eyes staring into mine, awaiting my response, I realized I wanted it just as much as I wanted him.

I don’t know how long we sat in silence as my mind moved back and forth between the ideas. Several times Seth opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but decided against it.

“How would you feel about that?” I asked Seth, avoiding his eyes. 

“I would be more than willing to share that part of myself with you. I trust you. I love you. I know you will not hurt me. I know you will comfort me and protect me.” Seth ran his hand over my face. I chanced looking into his eyes. “Edward, if it isn’t you, than it will be no one.”

He pressed his lips to mine, slowly breathing with me before getting out of the bed. Walking to the opposite side of the bed and into the larger space of the room, Seth began to roll his neck on his shoulders and stretching his limbs. I watched as the tone muscles of his back moved tenses and relaxed again.

Content with the state of his muscles, I watched as Seth slowly kneeled onto both knees closely placed together, and then placed his arms behind his head, locking his fingers. Finally he removed his eyes from mine, casting them on the floor. My breath hitched in my throat at the sight before me. For several moment I watched Seth taking several breaths. He was more beautiful than he was only one minute before. Seth began to relax more and more looking ever comfortable there submitting, trusting. Though he still held form, I could see his body relax, his shoulders only dropping slightly. The ease in his faced looked peaceful.

I slowly stood from the bed never taking my eyes off the man ever giving of himself. My mind reeled with all the sessions I had been in over the years and the things I enjoyed; wondering if Seth would like them as well. Even some of the simple tools of play required skills, and could be dangerous, but with Seth trusting me so openly I was more than willing to learn. Not only learn how to use them all properly, but learn how to use them to entice the man before me.

I walked to my submissive. I recognized the form he presented himself. I bowed this same way hundreds of times before Demetri and it wasn’t my favorite pose of the Dom I served. I stood behind Seth, taking his hand in mine, carefully repositioning them behind his back, placing an elbow in each hand. I rubbed my hands down the contours of his ass and thigh, circling back to the front of his body and down again. Now squatting before him, I squeezed each of his knees, letting him silently know I wanted to move them. I slid his legs apart six inches, careful not to burn them on the carpet. I stood back to my feet to observe the man before me. He was perfect. He was beautiful.

I had seen enough, read enough, and submitted enough to know we had things right off the top that needed to be established.

“Seth, do you submit to me willingly?” I asked authoritatively. “You may speak.”

“Yes Sir.”

“Will you respect me as your Dom, trusting I will bring you no harm or bad pain?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“You need a safe word. This is too informal and we will readdress all of our conditions soon and you will be permitted to choose your own. For now your word will be ‘cease.’ Do you accept this? Speak.”

“I do accept, Sir.”

“Submissive, what is your safe word and when do you use it?”

“Cease, Sir, and I am permitted to use my safe word whenever I am uncomfortable, in bad pain, or about to disobey your orders that are beyond my control.”

“Good.”

I could feel my blood pumping with excitement. I wanted it more and more with each passing moment, yet I wanted something more. It was too soon and I knew that. It was improper and I knew that too, but I couldn’t get the image out of my head. I dreamed about such a picture of perfection and here I was given the opportunity to see it in real life.

I ran my fingers through Seth’s long silky hair; his reward.

“Stay. I will return shortly.”

I walked toward my closet, retrieving two articles. I continued my breathing. I was excited without question and I knew I had to calm down. I quietly inhaled and exhaled, flexing my fingers and limbs. I stood behind Seth, between him and the closet, preparing myself for the first session with my sub. I secretly wanted him to safe word, save me from myself, but at the same time my hands itched to get started. Comfortable in my head space, I walked back towards my waiting and willing subject. I took the first article and rubbed it smoothly across Seth’s face, neck and nibbles. His breath caught and his growing cock flinched. The smile on my face almost hurt.

“What is this, Seth?” I asked still touching him with the material.

“Your silk tie, Sir.”

“Very good.”

I watched his face closely, looking for any physical objection, yet there was none. I could see the smile he tried to control. The muscles in his face flexed as he went to speak only to have to pause to contain the grin and excitement dancing across his face. Seth began to breathe deeply again to fall back into his space.

I walked behind my boy, softly yet firmly pulling the material around his throat. I placed the tie around his neck backwards, yet with a proper knot, making sure to leave enough length of the tie in the back for use and play later. I left no slack in the makeshift collar, remembering how I enjoyed the feel of the pressure on my neck. Hoping Seth found it pleasurable as well. I would ask him later, but given he still hadn’t safe worded, I was hopeful. With the first task down it was time to begin.

Picking up my second article I began to pat Seth’s body only with enough force to feel. Walking back to the front, I ordered Seth to open his eyes.

“What is this?”

“Your belt, sir.”

“What is your safe word?” 

“Cease.”

“When do you use it?”

“When I am uncomfortable, in bad pain, or about to disobey your orders that are beyond my control, Sir.”

“Good. You do not have permission to come,” I said louder. “You have already had that pleasure for the night. I know you are well trained. I will not gag you or bind you tonight. We will discuss those things later, but you are to be still, and noise is to be kept at a very minimum. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir,” Seth said, but I couldn’t help but notice his slight disappointment when I said he would not be bound. That information was retained for later use.

“Now, down on all fours, knees six inches apart, arms shoulder length apart,” I instructed.  
I wrapped the solid black leather strap around the palm of my right hand, ensuring the metal clasp wouldn’t come in contact with Seth’s body. I looked at the body before me knowing I was being offered a true trust from Seth. He hadn’t had the best experience with Doms, and yet he was still willing, not holding their mistake and errors over anyone else’s head. He could teach me so much, and in this new aspect of our relationship we would grow and learn together. 

I kneeled down before him to meet his eyes one last time. I was going to have to be trained and I knew who I wanted to do it, but there were some things in this world that was common knowledge. Being careful of blurred lines between your relationship and your Dom/sub was one of those things. I knew what I was about to do was wrong, it wasn’t the appropriate time, but I would correct it later and vow to never do it again, but I needed one more moment with the love of my life before I made him my boy.

“Seth, look at me,” I said with no authority in my voice. He slowly raised his head and I knew I was being met by my heart and not my subject.

“I love you, Seth.”

“I love you, Edward.”

Our lips met briefly, yet with enough love to calm all nerves. I leaned my head on his, inhaling deeply. Slowly backing away from him, I paused to regain myself, hearing Seth breathe deeply as he was preparing himself again as well. When I opened my eyes I knew for a fact I was looking at a submissive.

“What is your safe word?”

“Cease, Sir.” 

“Excellent.”

Taking my place behind him, I tapped his ass as a warning then began increasing the force each time. I extended my arm out to the side, feeling the gust of wind that followed the material. The unmistakable sound of contacted flesh echoed through the room, and a chill traveled down my body and straight to my already leaking cock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, reviewing, and leaving kudos  
> \--Have questions? Please ask! I respond to all reviews and request.


	19. Mending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things come together in the end . . . when you learn to mend what has been broken.

Chapter 17  
Mending

(Edward POV)

I sat at the table more relaxed than I had been for days. I had found a peace that I didn’t even imagine I needed or desired, and yet at that moment, more than any other time in my life, I felt whole. Seth had given me a missing part of myself that I didn’t even know was absent until I pushed him away. He completed me. Being all that he needed forced me to become all that I truly was. I had always placed value on my life and had I never met Seth that faithful night at Washington Regional, I could have continued on my life’s path and would have called it content, full of purpose. I wouldn’t change anything, but it didn’t go that way. I did meet Seth that night in a quiet Emergency Room, and while he came to me to be healed and patched up, he somehow managed to show me I needed to be healed too. Seth had, without trying, forced me to discover my own ill attitude and prejudice. He showed me that beneath it all, I could take control and damn it, I liked it. Seth showed me who I was. As I sat there in that familiar restaurant I couldn’t help but think of him. How much I needed him, wanted him. In the few hours we had been back together I could feel we had elevated. Our desires, our needs, they had all been amplified because of the night we shared, the life that we would continue to share. I sat back thinking of how we ended our reunion. I didn’t want to part from him, but he had to work and I had some important business to tend to.

_It had been a long night, but a good one; a night I knew we would have so many more of. I escorted my boy to the Jacuzzi tub. He still wore his “collar” and the thought of removing it saddened me. I was already anxious to claim him again. Seth also wore new evidence of our union, the red swells along his back and ass shone clearly against his creamy skin. Seth walked with a slow pace behind me to our waiting bath. I knew his skin would be sore and heated from the lashes he received, but I also knew his slow pace was likely from his exhaustion. He would have to be at work in only a few hours. While I knew Seth was no stranger to late nights, I cared too much for him to have him tired at work. So I prepared to bathe him, care for his stripes, and allow him to nap._

_“Kneel,” I commanded as we stood in the bathroom. Slowly Seth took his new position; hands behind his back, knees apart. I quickly retrieved our towels and turned off the steaming water._

_“Come,” I instructed, taking my boy by the hand, helping him back onto his feet and assisting him into the tub. I immediately joined him, sitting him back against my waiting chest._

_We sat quietly for a while allowing the heat to penetrate every cell of our bodies. Seth melted onto me from the sensation as every issue rose above us with the smoke of the water. I began to press the fresh sponge on this his back, careful not to irritate the work of art he wore. It was impossibly beautiful. My free hand ran along the flesh of each line, Seth exhaled with the feel of my cooler touch on his skin in comparison to the temperature of the water._

_“I want you to breathe deeply, Seth. I am going to remove your collar. I am still here. When you are ready you may speak freely.”_

_I ran my hands through his hair, dampening it with my touch. As my fingers escaped his silky ends they slid down his neck, resting on the knot of the tie. I slowly undid the material, running my fingers along the base of his neck where the knot rested. Slowly, I pulled away the silk fabric as I barely grasped the base of his neck with my free hand, gently tracing his flesh with my fingers from his chin, down his Adam’s apple, across his collar bone, and down his shoulder and arm. I waited patiently as Seth continued to breathe, sinking further into my waiting body. I took the time to clear my own mind while watching Seth as well, learning his tell-tale signs to distinguish between my boy and my love. Seth, surely out of his submissive state, slid further into the tub, even closer to my body, allowing his head to fall back onto my waiting shoulder. Turning into my neck he placed two kisses on my jaw, and brushed his nose along the line._

_“This feels wonderful,” Seth said wrapping my arms around his waist below the water. I welcomed being able to touch the love of my life, and I squeezed him closer._

_“How do you feel?” As exhilarating as is was to step into the dominating role, it was the first time and it was scary. My nerves were on edge waiting for him. I just had to remember that until he came down, I still had to keep a hold on my nerves._

_“Wonderful. Happy. Ecstatic. Exuberant. This list can go on for a while.”_

_“I meant your body, beautiful,” I said as I brushed his hair away from his exposed neck. I buried my face there, closing my eyes to enjoy his feel. “Are you hurting terribly? Did I hurt you? In a bad way I mean.”_

_Seth pulled out of my arms, turning around to face me. He straddled my lap and suddenly I was thankful for the builder’s decision to add in the wider seat for the tub. Seth’s hooded eyes met mine and the smile he wore was more beautiful than anything I had ever had the opportunity to see, and it was mine to see always. He ran his hands through my hair, messaging my scalp. The feel of his strong hands and the heat of our still steaming bath were soothing._

_“You can never hurt me, Edward. I trust you, even if you don’t trust yourself.” He began running his hands down my face and body. “I have learned a lot through everything I’ve been through. I know that everyone doesn’t mean me good. I understand that I have to love myself before I can expect anyone else to love me. I know that my best, my very best, is good enough, even if it is only good enough for me. I didn’t see it before, and it took something tragic to open my eyes, but I know my strength, my weaknesses, and my worth now. I won’t let anyone else hurt me, but it doesn’t really matter because I am yours and I know you would never do anything to hurt me; to hurt us. Edward Masen, I love you,” Seth said easing ever closer to my lips with every word._

_“I love you more than I will ever have the time to show you, Seth Clearwater. I promise to care for you, not only as your mate but your friend, and your Master. I promise to never hurt you or us.”_

_Our moment was so perfect. Our words were so true, sincere. Our lips met in a slow passion, tasting the love that our words left behind; sweet and savory. The need between us grew as Seth grinds into my hips. I wanted to hold him so much closer but remembered the new badges he wore; instead I squeezed his waist tighter, pressing him further down on my awakening cock. I could feel the fire in my loins building, wanting to dwell deep into Seth’s body where it felt the love and passion that Seth had to offer. Our kisses began to slow but not losing the need that had been there._

_“How late is it?” Seth asked resting his head on mine._

_“Very. Come love, you need to get some sleep. You have to be at work soon.”_

_I stood from the tub, pulling Seth with me, wrapping us each in our towels. In the bedroom I patted his skin dry and began rubbing the moisturizers and cocoa butter into his skin. I could feel his breath even out as my hands worked over his body. I put away the creams and took my place next to the sleeping angel. I laid my arm across Seth’s waist, as he lay beside me on his stomach. Upon feeling my touch, the angel stirred, sliding closer, laying on my chest, holding me close to his body._

_“Edward?”_

_“Yes, love,” I unintentionally whispered._

_“There was something else I’ve learned. Sometimes despite what happens, rather we can fix it or not, we have to start with forgiveness.” And as if it wasn’t him that spoke at all, Seth was sleep again._

_There was no sleep for me. His words rang deep in my mind. Forgiveness was the lesson I was still trying to learn. Was I ready to be tested on it again? I didn’t have a choice._

_Some hours later Seth left me, having to go back to his apartment to dress for work as he had no suits at my house anymore. We parted with a passionate kiss at the door and a date to meet for lunch. Before I could hear Seth’s tires pilling out of the drive, my phone was in my hand composing a text message._

  
_Lunch? 12:00 – Bistro’s_   
_-Edward_   


_I got a response only a few minutes later. I spent the rest of the morning going over what I needed to say in my head; teaching myself how to forgive._

True to form he arrived at noon sharp. After speaking to our favorite hostess, he was escorted to our corner table. He was gorgeous as ever in his casual dress of graphic tee and jeans. Though he walked with his head high I could see the slump in his shoulders, the worry in his eyes. The worry turned to questioning as he met my stare the closer he got to the table. Surely he thought he was meeting his judgment, to be condemned for his participation in the act, but instead of seeing a face of hurt and anger he was greeted with a smile. As he sat down at his chair he seemed to hold his breath, as if he waited for the tirade to begin. I had to laugh and went to put my friend out of his misery.

“Relax, Demetri, I am not going to explode,” I said taking a sip of my water. “I’ve already ordered your sweet tea and lemon.

I sat back, continuing to look into the eye of my friend, and that he still was. Despite the secret he kept from me with Seth, in the end he did it because he cared for me. He knew how much I loved Seth, and though he had his reservations about the man he had never met, he still helped him. Demetri helped Seth, in hopes that maybe it would help me. When I ran, leaving Seth broken in the drive way, it was Demetri that was there to catch him. All morning I had tried to think of what to say to this man but when my brain was wrecked and I had nothing left the answer came to me.

“Thank you, Demetri.” His eyes went large as he sat further back into his chair. I couldn’t help but laugh. “Would it make you feel better if I screamed and made a scene?”

“Yes, actually it would.” Seeing my calm self wasn’t going to be moved and was real, he leaned back on the table. He was still skeptical. “Okay, Edward what is this all about?”

“If you are so anxious why did you even agree to meet me for lunch?”

“I don’t know. I guess I felt like I owed you that, all the answers, all of the reasons. It was time to tell you what we, no I have to take responsibility for myself; what I should have told you months ago.” I put my hand up to stop him.

“Seth already told me everything. I don’t think he would lie to me at this point. I trust him. I believe him. I am saying thank you because you were there when I wasn’t. I know none of it was meant to hurt me. I want to move past it. Seth and I have.”

“Just like that?”

“Of course, if you accept my apology that is?”

“Why are you apologizing?” Demetri scooted closer to the table, no longer threatened, but curious.

“I apologize for even thinking you would do something like that to hurt me. I’m sorry for taking all the time we have known each other and throwing it out of the window, not trusting you to be the man I love.”

“Edward, I would never do anything like that to you. I am glad you know that.” A smile quickly spread across his face as he said, “Of course I accept your apology. I love you, Edward.” Demetri grabbed my hand.

“Good.”

“Now, you said you and Seth have moved past it as well. How far past it are we talking, ‘cause this smile you are wearing is not just for me.”

“That is very true,” I said just as something deep in my body told me my soul mate was close. Just then I saw him coming into the door. “Perfect timing,” I said. Demetri turned to see who, or what, I was referring too.

Seth eyes landed on us and his face transformed to one of curiosity as well. Seth wasn’t expecting for our lunch date to include Demetri. The smile he wore wasn’t completely gone, but no longer did he look directly at Demetri and me, instead he chose to study the pattern of the carpet. I stood from my chair so that Seth could walk into my arms. Eyes still down, l lifted his chin, wanting him to see how happy I was he was there, with me. I kissed his full lips slowly sending all the compassion I had his way as I pulled him closer into my body.

“Hello, love,” I said never taking my eyes off his inviting mouth.

“Hi,” he whispered.

I pulled out Seth’s chair, sliding my own to be closer to him, attaching my hand to his. Seth still hadn’t looked at Demetri and I didn’t like the nervousness that was rolling off him in waves. Demetri looked content, but he too was hiding slightly behind his hand, not yet acknowledging Seth’s presence. I knew everyone would be walking on eggshells but I had to show them that the last few days were the past. I wanted nothing more than to have both men in my life, close. I had to do something to lighten the mood.

“Come on boys, I know neither of you are shy. Demetri, doesn’t Seth have the finest ass ever? Seth, did Demetri show you his ‘diamond’ studded whip and flogger?”

Both men looked at me like I had lost my mind, but all I could do was smile, raising an eyebrow at Demetri. While he was relaxed and his true self when it was just him and me, Seth was still hesitant around people, so I was relying on Demetri to come back around to his normal self, help me end the tension. He did not disappoint.

“No, I never got a chance to show him. You hadn’t seen my new piece. I had a collar bedazzled too, but I know no one will ever wear that. It’s just to match the set.” Demetri sat up taking a drink of his tea.

“My god Demetri,” I laughed, “that’s a little too loud for my taste.”

Demetri shrugged his shoulders as we sat in silence.

“I don’t know,” Seth came into the conversation slowly. I squeezed his hand giving him my biggest smile, telling him I wanted him to continue. “I would wear something like that, if it wasn’t too over the top.”

“Really?” I turned to face him.

“Yeah, I love things that shine.”

“I’ll have to remember that for your collar,” I said seductively. Our moment was interrupted with Demetri spitting tea across the table, coughing up a lung.

“What . . . what . . . I’m sorry.” Demetri couldn’t stop coughing. Seth and I both set back desperately trying to contain our laughter. “That is so not funny,” he said finally but even he was grinning.

“What collar?” Demetri asked.

“Yeah, that was the other reason I asked you to lunch,” I flashed a smile at my heart holding tightly to my hand. “I am requesting to take your place as Seth’s Dom. I will tell you we have already had one session.”

“What? You are . . . you two . . .,” Demetri waved his finger back and forth between Seth and me. He couldn’t seem to form a coherent sentence. “Okay, wait so you are a Dom now?”

“Yes, well Seth’s Dom, anyway. Demetri, I want you to train me properly.”

Demetri was speechless, mouth open, staring at the two of us. I could see the wheels turning in his head. His mouth open and closing as if he wanted to ask a question but didn’t know if he should. He and Seth locked eyes and seem to be having a silent conversation that I was almost jealous of. Whatever was communicated between them brought Seth fully into the setting, as he set up more in his chair and his smile matched mine in size.

“Well, damn, I guess you are past it. How did this happen? I mean are you sure about this, Edward?”

Demetri, ever the worrier; I half expected his hesitation. Over the years Demetri had mentioned to me that he could see me as a Dominant, but I always brushed off his words. I was pretty sure now that the reason behind that was because I didn’t want to take control of anything else. It was easier for me to be the submissive one. Being the Dominant one meant I had to reign in emotions that I didn’t want to deal with like hidden anger, jealousy, even trusting myself. I didn’t want to rely on my own judgment anymore after Riley. Seth took all those insecurities away.

“I am positive, Demetri. And before you even say it, this is not just because of Seth.” I turned to look at the love of my life. I needed both of them to understand this. “I will be everything Seth needs, I don’t want to spend another day away from him, and me being a Dom will insure that. I know this is who I really am, too. I never felt more like I should feel than I did after last night, Seth. I felt alive, like I was doing more than just existing. Seth, after you left this morning, I tried to tell myself that it was just because it was with you, but I think it is so much more than that. Demetri, it is so hard to explain,” I turned my attention back to my friend who seemed to bore a look of understanding.

I sat back in my chair, wrecking my brain trying to figure out how to say it all. No words seem to convey it enough. I wanted this, and I needed this. No one spoke. Demetri leaned back in his chair obviously as deep in thought as I was. Seth seemed surprisingly at ease. Our fingers had entwined and the heat of his hand was reassuring me that he was still there.

“Sorry for the wait gentlemen. Are you all ready to order?” the waiter interrupted our quiet table.

“Yes, I will have the Chicken Alfredo and Caesar salad,” Seth said, his voice was full and confident. His new demeanor was surprising me. Seth never spoke up, and he definitely didn’t speak first.

“Um . . . I’ll have the same. Thank you,” I said than turning to look at Seth who only smiled at me.

“Parmesan chicken, please,” Demetri added.

“Alright, I will return shortly,” the man said as he took our menus, leaving us back to our silence.

“Well, I think it’s great, Edward. I’m glad you aren’t just doing it for me,” Seth spoke up again.

“Really?”

“Of course,” Seth added. “It means more if it is who you are and not what you are trying to be.”

“Exactly.” He knew; Seth understood. I was in awe of the man before me and I couldn’t pull my eyes away. It wasn’t until I saw him dart his eyes in Demetri’s direction that I remembered we were not as alone as I really wanted to be in that moment.

“Well, Edward, if it is what you want than I will be happy to train you.” Demetri extended his hand to me and I accepted it.

“You are forgetting one thing,” I said. Demetri tried to think what he possibly forgotten and then he knew.

“Seth, you are released.” Demetri said laughing to himself. “You know I’ve never releases a sub before.”

“I’ve never been released under such wonderful circumstances,” Seth added just before leaning in for a kiss.

“I assume you would want to start as soon as possible.”

“Yes!” Seth and I said at the exact same time.

Lunch was filled with conversation and laughter. Demetri even promised I would finally get to meet the man who was strong enough to keep his attention, his precious Emmett. I was taken back to know that Seth had already met the boyfriend, but let it go, knowing it wasn’t an important fact. Soon Seth had to leave us to return to work. He leaned down to the table and gave me a breath taking kiss. I was almost too stunned to see that he kissed Demetri on the cheek. There was love there but nothing compared to what Seth and I had. It was cute and friendly, innocent, and did nothing to ignite the possessiveness I held for Seth.

“I am happy for you, Edward. Seth turned out to be exactly what you needed,” Demetri said once we were alone.

“We turned out to be exactly what each other needed.”

~xXx~

(Seth POV)

I regrettably left the two most beautiful men I had the pleasure of knowing to return to work. Nothing could possible make this day go any better; except for maybe another session with Edward, though we had chosen to hold off on our activities until we had the proper equipment and Edward began his training. I would be lying to say I wasn’t more than anxious.

As I drove back to Aro’s First National Bank and Trust, I couldn’t help but think about my own friendship that needed to be mended. I walked back into the building I couldn’t help but stare at the very bench my best friend, my almost brother, and I sat together on that stood in the open court yard of the bank. We laughed and shared ice cream in that very spot in what now seemed like a lifetime ago. It had been months since I had even spoken to him and yet there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of him.

The rest of the day seemed to move in slow motion. Everything seemed to remind me more of my long lost friend than it did any other day. I was thankful that I was going to go see Dr. Glover, or Cindy as I had taken to calling her, after work.

~xXx~

“So, Seth, how has your day gone?” Cindy asked as she came to join me on the couch.

Our relationship had changed some as well over the months we had gotten to know each other. We kept our meetings professional but she had taken to sitting with me on the couch rather than in front of me with a note pad. She offered up excellent professional criticism and advice, but she often time “oh” and “ah” and asked question like we were best friends, and she was getting caught up on the gossip that was my life. She wasn’t very happy with my decision to take Demetri as my Dom/teacher but she respected my choice.

“I can see you are making this decision out of more than just your need for a Dominant in your life. You are growing Seth. I wish you would hold off but I can’t control you. Your growth is evident and because of that I support you.”

She didn’t judge me when I came in and told her how it had all went horribly wrong with Edward but I was happy to be able to tell her today it had all been resolved.

“Well that is excellent, Seth. I am glad to hear Edward has finally come along and that you two have . . . um . . . made up,” Cindy snickered.

“Yes, I hope we make up again really, really, really soon.” We laughed together.

“Okay so now that we got the better than good things out of the way, tell me what is bothering you.” I had forgotten the woman could read me like a book most days.

I fiddled with my hands and the throw pillow that I only clenched when I desperately tried to keep from crying.

“Demetri and Edward made up today over lunch. I can see we are all going to be excellent friends.”

“That’s great,” Dr. Glover stated, but I knew she was waiting on the rest of that.

“Watching them laugh together today, well, it made me miss my own friend even more than I usually do.” I couldn’t stop the tear that rolled down my cheek.

“Oh, Seth.”

“I think it’s time I spoke with him. I have to call Quil; let him know how things have changed. He will be happy for me now. He likes Edward so he has no reason to be mad at me anymore. I just have to tell him.” The tears came faster, heavier, hotter and I knew I couldn’t hold them back now that they had started.

“Tell me why that makes you cry? Is it because you know he will be happy for you or is there something more?”

I threw the pillow at her, which she caught with no problem.

“You know it’s something more.” Cindy gave me her shy smile.

“Hey, I have to at least act like your psychiatrist here and pull it out of you,” she joked. Our moment of silliness helped to dry up my tears, some.

“I am afraid,” I started, taking a deep breath to continue. Expressing myself was still difficult at time, when I knew I was going to have to show a weakness but I was working through it. Seeing Dr. Glover, as well as my time with Demetri, helped in combination more than they ever would have on their own.

“I am afraid that I am going to have to relive all of this mess again and I won’t be strong enough. I’m afraid Quil is going to ask me all kinds of questions that I won’t want to answer. Or that he is going to be his same overly opinionated self and it will all just end in another argument. Then I will be without him again, this pain will never go away.”

“I don’t think that Quil is overly opinionated in this case, I think you just felt that was because he tried to help you when he knew you were in trouble.”

Dr. Glover had handed me a tissue. There were so many things to be afraid of. Maybe Quil had moved on and no longer wanted me as a friend. It was possible that me leaving Caius, getting better, finding someone new and loving, it was possible that none of that mattered to Quil, I had damaged us permanently. There was even that chance that Quil wasn’t ready to accept my apology, despite my want to put it all behind me. Yet just as I told Edward, sometimes it just starts with the forgiveness even if you can’t fix it in the end. I knew, as always, Cindy would support me. I knew that Edward would support me, too, and Demetri as well. I had a real support system now that cared for me and knew how important this all was going to be. It was me that I feared would not be supportive.

My time with Cindy ended with me crying over all the lost time with Quil. I went from sad tears over my brother, to laughing so hard trying telling Cindy about some of our antics.

“Those are the times you have to hold onto Seth,” Dr. Glover said. “It is those times together that you are fighting for. Call him. Tell him everything from Caius to Edward. Tell him about all the help you’ve gotten and how you have grown. Tell him how much you miss him and need him. Apologize for your part in it all. Then Seth, all you can do is listen. Let him rant and rave and give his opinions. Show him that despite all that you will love him and you want him in your life. If he pushes you away, still love him, and walk away knowing you are still stronger than when you started.

Dr. Glover’s words rang in my head as I drove home. Sessions like these always exhausted me, and this time it was so much I couldn’t even manage to my park. Still lost in my thoughts I opened the door to my apartment and was met with the smell of butter and garlic.

“Hello, love. Oh no, what’s wrong?” Edward said as he saw me walk through the door. He dropped the spoon in his hands and was at my side before I could turn the dead bolt.

“Hi, baby. Can we talk about it later? I want to jump in the shower real fast.”

“Of course. I’m sorry do you need me to leave? I can talk to you tomorrow.” Edward always tried to respect my need for alone time after my meetings with Cindy.

“No! No. I need you right now. Just let me get fresh. Be right back.” Edward gave me a sad nod as he kissed my forehead and released me.

The steaming hot water ran down my skin releasing the tension in my back and shoulders. I just allowed the water to message away the worries if only for a few minutes. I knew the tension would return when I got out of the shower but for that moment I basked in the fact that for twenty minutes there was nothing else besides my wet skin and scalding water. Just as the water began to turn cooler I washed away the day and extracted myself from the haven of the tile walls and glass door. I quickly dried off and threw on pajama pants and a T-shirt and made my way back to Edward.

“Perfect timing, love. Dinner is just getting done.”

As usual we ate sitting on the floor of the living room. There was a perfectly good dining table as well as bar and bar stools to utilize but I loved the closeness Edward and I shared as our legs over lapped and I sat pressed to his chest as we ate our food. We would feed each other and play, forcing food into the other’s mouth. Other times it would be seductive as we shared one plate and one fork.

We ate in silence but yet it was comfortable. So often just being with Edward was its own healing time. Though he didn’t speak, every so often his hand would stroke mine or he would brush my still damp hair off my face. Edward knew I was burdened with something, he knew I wasn’t the happier self I was when he saw me last as Bistro’s, yet he didn’t allow it to bring his mood down. His smile was radiant. His eyes were happy and filled with love and wonder. His touch was soft and caressing. I couldn’t help but perk up some just from him being there. But as our food was consumed and our plates grew empty I knew it was time to share my troubles. Taking both plates to the kitchen, Edward emerged with two full glasses of red wine. Handing my glass to me he parked himself back onto the floor, closer than before, staring into my eyes. When I still said nothing, knowing what he was waiting for, he began to speak.

“What happened after lunch that has you so upset?” Edward said, stroking my cheek. His soft yet strong hands felt magnificent on my skin. I closed my eyes trying to concentrate on that feel alone rather than the words I was going to say.

“Seeing you with Demetri today was wonderful. It made me begin to miss my own friend,” I said. Though my eyes where closed I still bowed my head. The tears started to come again but a few deep breaths and I was able to will them away, for a little while.

“You think it’s time you tried to talk to him?” Edward lifted my head back up and automatically my eyes open, landing on emerald green ones that were threatening to cry as well. “Did you talk to Dr. Glover about it tonight?”

“Yeah. She thinks I should do it. She said I was strong enough, but I don’t know if I believe her.”

“I believe her.”

“Edward, what if he doesn’t believe me? What if he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me? I miss him so much.” The tears began.

Edward pulled me into his arms, squeezing me. I could feel his face pressed onto my cheek and the warm water of his tears began to roll down my face. We cried together, our two tears becoming one.

“Then he will be missing out on the most excellent man in this world. He won’t get to see you happy and your beautiful smile. He won’t get to see how much I love you and how I will spoil you forever. He won’t get to stand with you at your side when I declare to the entire world that I want you as my husband. He won’t get to embarrass you with his best man speech,” Edward and I laughed together. “But love, you won’t know until you try,” Edward said lifting my face to his.

“You really want to make me your husband?”

“Sooner rather than later.” Edward’s words made me feel lighter.

We pressed our lips together as I climbed further into his lap and arms. My whole world shifted as I could feel every word he said to be true. It seemed now every time we were in each other’s arms or love our devotion to each other was elevated. I beamed to think about how high we could go, and yet I feared how far I could also fall. But as I sat there in his arms, greedily consuming all that Edward offered, I felt as if I ever fell, Edward could-- and he would-- catch me.

“I can be there with you if you like,” Edward said.

“I know but I think I need to do this on my own.”

~xXx~

My knee bounced anxiously waiting on Quil to arrive. As usual he was running late. The day was cool but clear, no threat of rain, and so I sat on the patio of our favorite pizzeria, Angelo’s. I hoped the calming breeze could also help my frantic nerves. It had been two days since I called Quill and asked him to meet me.

“Okay I can do this,” I said to myself pacing the floor or my apartment. Edward wanted to be there but he had been called into work. “Just dial the number. But what if he doesn’t answer ‘cause he doesn’t recognize your new number? Then leave a voice mail. But what if he doesn’t call back? Then you keep calling until he does.” The conversation with myself was scaring me. I was considering bring it up to Cindy at our next meeting.

The phone rang three times and I vowed to myself at the fifth ring I would just hang up. I wasn’t ready to leave a message. On the end of the fourth ring I heard his voice.

“Hello?” Quil voice sounded questioning.

“Hi. Hey, Quil . . . um. . . It’s Seth.” My voice shook trying to get out the salutation. I waited on him to say something but the phone was dead silent. I pulled the handset from my ear to make sure my call hadn’t dropped. Seeing the call still was active but Quil hadn’t said anything I just began talking as fast as I could, hoping to get out my request before he hung up on me.

“Look, I know you said to never call you again but things are different and I really miss you and everything in my life is so spectacular and I want you to be a part of it and Edward and I are together and he loves me and I love him and I missed Sam and all of your zany opinions and I just wanted to try and be friends again. Please meet for lunch on Saturday if you are not busy. If you are, we can meet on any day you want I just want to see you and talk to you and laugh with you. Damn Quil, I just miss you so much.”

I didn’t know how I managed to get all of it out in one breath. I looked at the phone again, breathing a sigh of relief when the timer still counted the seconds of the call.

“Okay,” Quil simply stated. “How about Saturday at about noon? Angelo’s?”

“Yeah. Angelo’s is perfect.” Again the line was quiet. I counted it one victory and didn’t want to push my luck. “Okay, well I will see you then.” I didn’t say bye.

“See you then.” Quil didn’t sound happy but not quite upset either. I counted that as a second victory.  
I had been pacing and nervous ever since the call ended… for two straight days. It was also an excited feeling: knowing that I could only be days away from being back with my best friend.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry. It seems like when you have some where to be everybody conspires to drive half the recommended speed limit. Well, Sam didn’t help me be on time either but that was a good delay.”

Quil went on and on as if we were still best of friends, no time lost. Just as I hoped we could be.  
I sat up in my seat happy to see my brother. He was still gorgeous as ever, eyes bright. When he sat down his attitude shifted. No longer was he going on and on about the woes of Saturday drivers. His face became static as he cleared his throat. My smile faltered some but I was determined to get him back.

“I hope you don’t mind, I went ahead and ordered us an extra-large meat lovers, extra pepperoni and cheese, of course.”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” Quil cleared his throat again.

The silence was too loud and the time too heavy. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I was so close to him and yet I felt as if we were still miles apart and maybe we were. Quil didn’t look at me in anger but rather sadness. I reasoned that he didn’t know who or what he was looking at anymore. I knew my lifelong friend, he wanted to ask how did I get away from Caius? How long had Edward and I been together? Why I was here? It was written all over his face and even if the world flipped upside down the one thing that wouldn’t change would be Quil’s nosiness, his opinions, and his sharp tongue. I missed all of those things. I dove right in, not able to take the silence anymore. My theory was to rip the band aid off, expose it all and let the healing, hopefully, begin. Leaning over the table I took Quil’s hand and began.

“I miss you Quil. And Sam. Caius and I aren’t together anymore; we have been apart for a while actually. I was staying with Edward and he helped me so much. We fell in love and or I guess I should say we realized how much we loved each other. I started see a psychiatrist to deal with all the hell I’ve been through, and that includes losing you as a friend. I met a guy who is a great friend of Edward’s, named Demetri and he trained me on how to be a proper sub. Edward is my new Dom but we are still working all of that out. I have a new apartment and a new life. I am stronger, smarter, happier. The only thing I am missing is you and your big mouth in my life,” I said trying to lighten the mood. “I am so sorry Quil for scaring you. Please come back to me.”

Quil’s faced moved from one emotion to another as I spoke, but he sat quietly and listened.

“I want to tell you the entire story from the time we parted to this very morning if you let me, even the parts that are going to be hard for you to hear and even harder for me to say. Quil, it did get worst, but now it couldn’t be better. But the rest of my life I want you present for.”

Quil placed his other hand on top of mine above the table. We sat in silence again but this time it was not as heavy, it was almost healing. The moment was interrupted by the arrival of our pie. We had to move our hands to have a place to put the pizza, but I wasn’t ready to be out of his touch. I moved to the seat on the left of me, scooting closer to Quil. I didn’t want any more space between us. We sat in silence, looking at each other through the steam of the piping hot food.

“So,” Quil began, letting go of my hand and looking mischievous, “you say that beautiful Edward of yours is a Dom.”

Laughing, I replied, “Yes he is, but only just recently. Maybe I should start at the beginning.”

We talked, we laughed, we cried, we ate pizza; we were brothers again. I told Quil everything, including the hard parts about Caius and the rape. I expected Quil to begin flipping tables then and go on his normal rampage, but he didn’t. Instead he took my hand and squeezed a little tighter when he could hear it was hard for me to get it out.

Quil never apologized for his leaving me; it wasn’t how he did things. I knew really I didn’t have to apologize either. That was just how we had always been with each other. Sometimes we would apologize and beg for forgiveness and other times we would just sit and talk as if nothing ever happened between us. It would in the end be our hug goodbye or the way we locked arms as we sat together that would be our apology to one another. And while that could have very well been the way that day at Angelo’s played out I needed to say the words. Each time I told my story to someone, it healed me just a little bit more, and made me a little bit stronger.

The pizza was gone and the hours had blown away and yet I couldn’t pull myself to leave him. Quil must have sensed my despair, or he felt it himself.

“We can always come back. I’ve missed movie night anyway. Can’t wait to see your new place.”

“Definitely. Edward decorated it. I will have your copy of the key waiting on you when you get there.”

We parted ways but with plans to call always and see each other soon, like the next day soon. And I was happy.

That evening I went to Edward’s to see him before he was off to work. I knew he would have been worried about me all day until he actually saw me. I didn’t waste time with words; I sought him out in his office and wrapped my arms around him, capturing his beautiful mouth.

“Hello love,” Edward said breathlessly.

“Hi.”

“I take it all is well.”

“No, all is perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Review


	20. Epilogue  -  The Courtyard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A place to call their own . . . a love that is cemented.

Epilogue  
The Courtyard

(Seth POV)

It was a year later and everything was still perfect. Well maybe it wasn’t perfect, but it was close enough. I had moved back into Edward’s house after a year of love, devotion, and sessions. What better way to celebrate than with a house party.

“Sam, please tell me you’re driving,” I asked as I helped him steer Quil towards their car.

“Oh don’t worry, Seth,” Quil slurred, “I know I’m in no condition to drive a stick. Well not a car anyway.” Quil almost fell over in laughter. 

“Goodness, Quil,” Sam replied.

“I’ll call tomorrow to check on him.” I sat my brother into the front passenger seat and closed the door.

“All right. Thanks for a great night, Seth. Talk to you later. Bye Edward,” Sam yelled across the yard.

I watched as the car pulled out of the drive way. I walked back towards the remaining house guest who were also retreating. I waved off and kissed associates from the bank as well as several of Edward’s colleges I had met and befriended over the time we had been together. I spotted the one person who over a short amount of time knew me as well as Quil and Edward.

“Thank you so much for coming,” I squeezed the petite waist from behind.

“I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. I am so happy for you two.”

“Are you okay to drive?” I asked turning Cindy around in my arms.

My sessions with her ended over nine months ago, but we just couldn’t stay out of each other’s business. It was easy to become friends, best friends really. She knew all there was to know about me and she loved me still. Cindy was not shy and filling me in on her life, let just say that it was a hell of a way to spend a Friday night. I valued her opinion and advice, just as much, if not more now, than when I talked to her on a clinical basis. Everything she said now was backed up with love and friendship. She was a permanent fixture in my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“Yeah, I stopped early this evening. I need to head on home so I can get some sort of rest. I have a bondage class to teach tomorrow afternoon. When are you and Edward going to come join one of my classes?”

“Hopefully very soon,” I said pressing a kiss to her forehead. 

“Well you boys behave yourself. I know you are anxious to have an empty house.” Cindy bounced her eyebrows at me.

“Wow, is it that obvious?” I escorted her to her car parked in front of the house.

She laughed at me, replying, “No but I know I would be.”

We laughed together as she congratulated me again and I saw her drive off after more promises to talk to her the next day. With guest making quick work of their goodbyes and disappearing, there was only Emmett and Demetri left, as they stood in the door way talking to Edward. I walked back into the house, placing my arms around Edward’s waist. He wrapped his arms around my shoulder as he leaned on the top of my hair.

“All we have to do now is pick the cake,” is the first thing I heard Emmett say as I joined the group.

“Wow. It seems like the time just flew by. I can’t believe the big day will be here in just a month,” I said.

“I know. I am so ready for all of this to be over. Who would have thought guest list and reception location would be so damn stressful,” Demetri ran his hands over his face, Emmett laughing at his fiancé.

“Just think of it this way,” Edward began, “you get to unwind with the honeymoon.”

Emmett and Demetri shared a look that only meant they already had big plans for that night. 

Edward and I laughed at the couple. Emmett wasn’t much for the lifestyle the remaining three of us lived, but he did confide in me one day that it was Demetri’s control that he was so attracted to. He had no problem occasionally submitting to Demetri’s demand, which would be good given that Demetri was letting go of a lot, and eventually all, of his subs. It was a hard decision to make but ultimately Demetri decided that he didn’t want anything to stand in the way of his life with Emmett. His fiancé wasn’t asking him to change the life that he lived for longer than they had even known each other; it was a decision Demetri came to on his own. Demetri wasn’t completely abandoning his Master role; he was taking on a position as a counselor and teacher alongside Cindy in her practice. Demetri had much knowledge in our little world and it would be a waste if he didn’t share it.

“Do you guys want us to stay and help clean up?”

“No, don’t worry about it. I have someone coming in the morning,” Edward said excusing his friends from the job.

“If you’re sure. Well, I know you boys are anxious for some alone time so we . . . are . . . going to go,” Demetri said already pulling Emmett through the door.

“Bye guys, thanks for coming,” I called out to them from the door.

“You bet. Welcome back home, Seth.”

With that the last of our friends were gone, the love of my life and I finally had the house to ourselves. I closed the door and turned around only to land right into Edward’s chest and arms.

“Well, hello there,” I said wrapping myself back around him.

“I didn’t think they would ever leave. Did I tell you how incredibly sexy you are to me tonight?” Edward said as he had already begun trailing kisses down my jaw. 

“No, I don’t think you did.” My eyes were rolling into the back of my head at the attention he was giving me. It never took much for Edward to render me completely flabbergasted. 

I could never fully explain to him the power he had over me. Sometimes that power was scary, knowing how much I would do for Edward. But, I didn’t have to worry; I also knew Edward would never use me the way all the others did.

“Shame on me.” Edward looked back up into my face just as I opened my eyes. “You are the most beautiful person I know. You are so strong and loving; I don’t know what I would do without you in my life.” Edward squeezed me tighter to his body. The tighter the better. There was no place I rather be than in his arms.

“I love you too, Edward.” 

Edward slowly devoured my lips as we shared already ragged breaths. I moaned into his body as I tried desperately to join him in his skin. As his tongue darted in and out of my mouth, teasing me with more and more of his taste, his hands trailed slowly down my back, waist and arms. The air around us sizzled as my skin was heating with the passion that was wrapping us tighter than even Edward’s arms. His feel, his taste, the sounds of his moans were sending me into a different world. I could feel myself floating off the ground and the only thing that was anchoring me was Edward. Better yet, he was floating with me and our souls were reconnecting outside our human shells on a whole other plane. 

“I need,” I began but my words were cut off by Edward’s swift unexpected movement.  
Without warning I was suddenly pressed between Edward’s hard chest and the front door, my right leg off the ground and in Edward’s arms. I gasped at his sudden efforts, my cock more alive than ever before.

“I know exactly what you need,” Edward stared directly into my surprised eyes. His own orbs were swirling pools of dark green, filled with more than lust. I could see passion there as well. There was no space between us, our lips so close I could feel their heat. He grinds his fully alive cock into my own. The friction was just a tease of what I longed for.

“You need me to fill you, make you scream my name, over, and over again.” His movement continuing to tease my body. “You need me to remind you whose you are, and what I can do to this body all night. You need to have my cock down your throat, while I fuck your mouth,” Edward said as he traced my mouth with his tongue and then trailed it down my jaw. He stopped only at my pulse point where he sucked and bit me, filling me with pleasure.

“Yes, Edward, I need it all. Please.” I loved how he made me beg for mercy. There was one other thing I needed: to be rid of the clothes that were between our bodies. I wanted to see, feel, and taste his skin.

Edward pulled me away from the door, walking me backwards to our waiting bed. Our bed, in our room, in our house. My clothes were mixed with his in the closet. My drawers were right alongside of his. The thought and realization that we were together in just about every possible way was fueling my desire for him more. Edward quickly undid my shirt as I worked over his pants and he toed out of his shoes. Than it was my own pants and shoes to go as I pulled his shirt over his head. I wanted Edward to lead me, to push me, to dominate me, and not just in our playroom.

Edward had completely taken on his new found personality of dominance, both in Master, and boyfriend. He wasn’t bossy, pushy or controlling, but he had an air of control about him always now. I didn’t want to question a thing he said, and I didn’t have to. Just looking upon him turned me on because I knew that he was the head of our house, and our relationship, and he would never lead us were he could not keep us. It turned me on even more. He took care of me just as I took care of him. And when he did don me with my collar, and he slipped into his role as Master, I was rewarded just to be in his presence, to be at his helm. 

I craved Edward’s ruling side as it was so much a part of who he was; so evenly mixed with his qualities of compassion, love, devotion, care, gentleness. He was completely all I needed and wanted. There was only one thing I dominated and he allowed me to do so: when I wanted it, when I needed it, he didn’t question, and that was to have his taste slide in and out of my mouth as I moaned in delight.

I guided Edward towards the bed, forcing him to lie down. I ran my hands down his sternum as I nibbled on the flesh that met between his side and his waist. My hand slid further down into his neatly trimmed hairs and wrapped around his large, at full attention cock, begging to be touched. I began stroking his engorged member as I licked down his well-toned “V”.

Edward’s whispered “fuck” went straight to my own swollen need, knowing I was pleasuring him. I slowly worked myself around his body steady stroking him senseless. I could deny myself no longer. Starting at the base of his cock I devoured every delicious inch of him, making my way up his shaft and finally swallowing around its purple head.

“Shit, Seth!” Edward screamed as he fisted my hair. 

I held him down by his hips, refusing him from thrusting into my mouth. It was my own game of torture I played with his body. I knew he secretly loved it. I slid my mouth around him, sucking, swallowing and hollowing my cheeks around him. Edward held me there until I removed the hold on his body allowing him to move as he so desired. I hummed around his flesh as I continued to devour him from base to tip, rubbing his tightening balls in one hand, pinching his nipples with my other.

“Oh, Seth, stop,” Edward said as he pulled me up by my disheveled hair. “I don’t want to nut in that pretty little mouth of yours.” I pressed our lips hard together as he consumed my mouth, kissing me breathless. “I want to feel that tight ass around me when I cum.”

“Please take me Edward. So hard for you.” I rubbed my body up against his, forcing the friction of our two cocks connecting. 

“Fuck yeah,” Edward pulled, forced us back together as he rolled me over onto my back. “I don’t want to wait anymore. I am taking what is mine. Is it mine, Seth?” Edward humped me repeatedly with each word. Thank the heavens for delayed gratification. I wasn’t ready for the delicious torture to end. 

“Yes, all yours. Use me, please. Take me. Fuck me.” I could barely find my words as my mind could only focus on the sensations Edward was feeding my body.

Our lips met again as Edward blindly reached for our abundant stash of lube and condoms. My dick twitched when I heard the click of the bottle cap followed by the cool sensation of the gel. Edward rubbed the flesh of my tight entrance, than slowly pressing his finger into me. His kissed slowed and felt as they were fueled less by need and more by love. 

Edward always prepared me slowly. Despite how our union began, this part, preparation was always with so much care and nurture. My body opened more and more for him with each digit passing the ring of muscle. I could do nothing more but whimper and continue to savor his beautiful mouth. Edward quickly put on the condom, pumping himself with the lube and placed himself at my entrance.

“I love you, Seth.” Edward quickly pressed himself into my body.

My body arched off the bed as I fisted the sheets at my side. The burn was so intense I could not return the words he said to me. Edward wrapped his arms around my back holding me closely to his body, trying not to move until I was ready. I could feel his cock twitching deep inside me. Edward’s whispers of praises and chants of my name could be felt on my chest as he pressed his face into my body in an attempt to control himself. I rocked my hips against him to tell him I was ready. Edward pulled completely out of my body, pausing long enough for me to see how I missed being filled by him, and pressed back into me with the same need. There was no longer a burn, only the pressure and the beautiful feel of us being connected in places no hand could touch: our soul.

Edward rocked our bodies repeatedly. The room was filled with moans, gasp, declaration of love, and request to go faster, deeper and to never stop. Edward’s sweat soaked body filled my senses as I could feel him dripping onto my skin. I could taste the salt of him on my tongue as I licked and kissed his pulse point.

“Baby, I need to come.” My body was about to explode. I could feel the desire building up from the top of my head to my toes.

“Come for me, love. I want to see it all over our bodies.” Edward relentlessly pumped my cock. I knew I was going to go mad with the sensation.

“Oh yes . . . now, baby. Fuck!” I screamed as I felt the tight coil in my stomach snap and the wetness of my release on my stomach. My desire was threatening to peak again when Edward licked away the pools of my release from my stomach.

“Shit, that’s hot,” I said as I claimed his mouth with mine, tasting myself.

“So close. So close. Yeah, so close,” Edward chanted just before I felt his hold on my leg and hand tighten and his cock twitch in me. Edward’s body was rigidly still as he rode out the high of his orgasm. 

Pressing his body closer to mine, he leaned his forehead onto mine as he continued to slide his flaccid member in and out of my body, refusing to disconnect us.

Edward rolled onto his side, pulling my body to his. There were no words, only kisses on the forehead and hair, chest and neck. After we enjoyed our moments of blissful wonder, Edward pulled me out of bed and walked me to the shower. After discarding the used condom and running the hot water, we stepped in together, allowing the water to relax us even more than what our activities had managed to do. We washed each other’s body, stealing kisses and cleaning some areas longer than others just to allow our hands to linger. We stepped out of the shower, and climbed into our bed naked and wrapped in nothing but each other. 

Sleep should have claimed me easily and yet I dared not to close my eyes, afraid to miss a second of being in the presence of my reason for breathing. Edward and I both lay on our sides facing each other. He slept as I watched him, studying every part of his face. I though back over my time before Edward and I found each other. It was a long and trying two years of abusive Masters, Caius, therapy, hits and misses that eventually led us to each other’s arms and now, another year later, still there was no other place I rather be.

I thought about how different my life would have been if Felix would have taken me with him to St. Louise. What would have become of me if I had continued to accept the abuse that Caius offered? Where would I be right now if Quil hadn’t made me go to a Washington emergency room three years ago? Everything, every tear, every bad night, every hard decision made ultimately lead me to the best thing possible: Edward Masen. 

I still had my difficult days when my nights were plagued with nightmares of my past or I didn’t think I was good enough for Edward. He would simply remind me that I was more than good enough and thoroughly prove to me how I made him feel. Edward and I weren’t without issues of our own; we weren’t all fairytales. Edward still worked long nights at the hospital in the Emergency Room and at times it made things difficult for us. Wanting to be comforted after a long day of work or needing to be wrapped in his warm body as I slept, but only waking to a lonely bed made me cranky and I would take the anger and frustration out on him. Edward would have issues with my sudden departure to my favorite park, saying I made him worry when he couldn’t reach me. Then there were smaller things like his scrubs being all over the house or him falling asleep with the television on. Edward would complain about my obsessive cleaning. There were days we wrecked each other nerves, but luckily there were more days when we couldn’t get enough of each other. No, we were not a neat and perfectly in place fairytale, but we were destined for a happily ever after. 

Eventually sleep did claim me, but I awoke sometime later, immediately noticing Edward missing. I walked out of the room with intentions of seeking him out, sure to find him in the kitchen, but before I could get that far I instead found myself standing at the door of our playroom. 

Edward had changed my old room into, what we now referred to as The Courtyard, right after he completed his training with Demetri. I opened the door and turned on the lights as I walked into the well-equipped chamber. The frames and bars were all done in smooth rich cherry and mahogany wood. The wrist straps and leg restraints were made from the riches dark brown leather and their chains were polished chrome. The utility closet that held our floggers, gags, and other toys was made of an imitation cobblestone, made to look as if it was a part of the wall on which it rested. The padded floor was wheat brown, foam. After hearing about the incident in Caius’s room with the fidget temperature and leather floor, Edward refused to have such a thing in our room. The foam floor was going to have to be replaced a lot sooner than the leather but it was an expense Edward was willing to make. The entire room looked of a garden courtyard from days of old, perfect for my knight and shining armor.

I ran my hands over the surface of our vibrating bench; the feel of the leather was already awaking the desire in me to kneel. I walked around the room thinking of the many days and nights I submitted myself completely to my Master. He took such good care of me, honoring my limits and yet pushing me at the same time. I noticed my collar hanging from its place on the door of the utility cabinet. It wasn’t nearly as jeweled out as Demetri’s bedazzled collar but it shone nonetheless. Edward had it custom made. The collar was black and every inch and a half was a single cubic zirconia to look like a ten karat diamond. The collar was held together by a two snaps hidden beneath two more jewels. On the reverse side of the piece of leather was embossed “mine in every way” traced in red. I ghost my fingers across the cool leather, whispering to myself, “Yes, yours in every way.”

“I thought I would find you in here,” Edward said as he walked up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist. “You know the rules: no playing after sex or making love.”

“I know. I know.” Damn the rules sometimes. “I was actually looking for you but I got a little distracted. I just love this room, that’s all.”

“I know you do, love. I love seeing you in here.”

We stood in silence as I laid my head back on his shoulder and he buried his face in my neck. Our bodies naturally swayed to the melodic sounds of the silent room. No longer was the room my concern, everything around me disappeared when I could feel Edward, even my desire to be bound and spanked.

“Let’s get back in the bed. Yes?”

“Yeah.”

Edward held my hand as we walked out of The Courtyard, turning off the lights as we left. 

~xXx~

It was a quiet Friday at work, not many client’s for the entire day. I was perched in my chair, feet up on my desk as I chatted with Peter about his plans for the weekend.

“Nothing, man. And I do me absolutely nothing. Charlotte doesn’t have any chores for me. The kids don’t have any practices or games. The house is fixed, the yard is done. This is a rarity for me to be one hundred percent free on my weekend. I will be locked in my Man Cave watching ten sports channels at the same time.”

Peter’s enthusiasm to kill two days in front of his plasma television had me laughing hysterically.

“What about you?”

“I don’t actually know. As far as I know, Edward has to work so that will at least give me the chance to clean like I need to.”

“Seth, clean? Are you serious?”

“Trust me, it is needed,” was the only explanation I gave to Peter as I thought about the medical books stacked in the living room floor and the week worth of scrubs and lab coats in the hamper begging to be washed.

Just then Esme, our Customer Care Receptionist, began walking our direction, followed by a man in dark brown uniform.

“Mr. Clearwater, you have a package.” Esme pointed me out to the carrier. I signed my name to the electronic pad as he handed me the small brown box.

With Peter still perched over the partition, I opened the package curiously.

“Who’s it from?” 

The six inch by six inch by six inch box was filled with packing peanuts and another smaller box. Taped to the top of the second box was a card.

“It says ‘Wear it.’” A simple command. I looked up to Peter to see his still oblivious face, but I knew. Only one man gave me commands.

I fished out the smaller box a mist the green foam bits. Inside was a thin gold chain. At the center of the chain was a butter cream smooth flat stone and in front of it was a matching gold “E.” At each stop point of the letter was a small diamond. Delight spread through me as I ran my fingers over the piece of jewelry. I removed it from its box and put it on. Turning to my small magnitic mirror that rested in the corner of my desk I couldn’t help but admire the piece of jewelry as it rested against my skin.

“Well, I know one thing you will be doing this weekend,” Peter said before sliding back to his desk.

“Jealous?” I called out to him.

“Sure, Sure.” I heard him laugh just as he was out of sight.

Each day for the next six days I received a package either at home or work. Saturday and Sunday both, while Edward was away at the hospital, roses arrived at the front door; red one day and white the next. During the week I received packages at work. By that Wednesday Peter and Esme were both hovering over my desk waiting to see what the treat would be. The gifts ranged from gift baskets filled with all my favorite treats to some gifts I couldn’t quite show Peter and Esme; but Edward enjoyed me in later that night. I could have shown the vibrating cock ring or other racier presents to my onlookers, but I’m sure they appreciated that I didn’t. Of all the gifts I received the one that came on that following Friday was my favorite.  
　  
It had been a long day of meetings, lunch meetings and then meetings again. Aro Bank and Trust was growing, which is always a good thing but that meant more duties for leaders such as myself. Pie Charts and long term estimation rations plagued my mind the entire day, with no rest in sight before I got off for the weekend.

“Perk up, your daily package should be here any minute,” Peter reminded me as he walked by my desk catching me rub my face in frustration.

His words work; I found myself eyeing Esme looking for signs of its arrival. I wasn’t let down as Esme began clapping her hands, bouncing in her seat. She didn’t wait for the man to get into the door before she was dragging him to my desk, followed by Peter’s quick return. I couldn’t contain my excitement. I also couldn’t help but laugh, noticing that once I signed for the package the delivery man didn’t move. He perched himself right beside Esme, just as anxious to see what was inside. As the three bumps on a log watched, I cut away the package to reveal the usual two boxes. Pushing pass the packing material, I reached in to pull out the card that simply said the words I wore close to me “Mine Always.”

Inside the second discreet box was a black leather strap, exactly as my collar. In the place of the snap to hold the material together was the same similar “diamond” stones that donned the collar that waited for me at home. In the center of the two inch flat leather piece with red boarder stitching was “EAM” bossed in crimson red as well. I wrapped the gift around my left wrist as I fought to hold back my tears.

“EAM?” the delivery guy asked. 

“Edward Anthony Masen: The most romantic man on the planet,” Esme explained to our guest. 

Esme was right, Edward was the most romantic man I knew, but he was so much more. I don’t know how long I sat there rubbing my hands over the raised letters of the smooth leather, but when I looked up my three member crowd was gone. My face was wet with the tears I didn’t know I had begun to cry. I tried to call Edward but was only getting his voice mail. So I settled for a call to Cindy, knowing she was likely anxiously awaiting the details on what came in the package for the day as well.

I made it home that evening hoping to steal Edward away for an hour or so before he had to leave for work, to thank him for my gift in the proper fashion. As I walked into the house I noticed that it was void of light, including Edward’s study which often always had a desk lamp on. Walking through the house I tried calling Edward’s cell again, but it instantly went to his voice mail. Upset, thinking that Edward got called to the hospital earlier than usual, I walked to our bedroom. As I approached the closed door I noticed a soft light showing through the openings under and around the frame. 

“Edward? Babe?” I called out, slowly pushing up the door. No one answered.

I looked to the night stand that sat beside the bed. The desk lamp that normally was in Edward’s office was on, illuminating the stand void of everything but a blue velvet box. I turned around in the room, still calling Edward’s name as I approached the illuminated table. There was still no answer to my screams of his name or calls to his phone. I picked up the small box thumbing the top open. My breath caught as I looked upon the gift there. Tucked in the folds of the velvet interior of the box was a gold band. Imbedded into the band were small diamonds around its full circumference. 

“Wow,” I whispered.

“Love?” Edward called to me. I turned around to find him down on one knee behind me. My hand went to my mouth automatically.

“Edward,” I was already on the verge of crying.

“Seth, you have made me the happiest man alive. You can wear my collars and I can claim you as mine,” he said as his finger rubbed across the embossed letters of my latest gift, “but there is only one real thing that means you are mine forever.”

Edward took the box from my hand, removing the ring.

“Seth will you, day and night, be mine always? Will you let me be yours forever?”

Edward slid the ring onto my finger, its rightful place, as I accepted his request with his very words.

“Yours forever. Mine Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Review!  
> This is the final Chapter of New Master. I hope you enjoyed it.  
> Please be sure to drop me and line and check out my other stories as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you in advance for the reads, reviews, and kudos


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